Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 22

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires tonight, on 4/22/2018

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illegal immigrant blows up a house
when he hits it with his FORD Explorer
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 22 in
1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the first 
country to use poison gas. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



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______________________________________________________
Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.
--- James Stephens

I have seen the future and it doesn't work.
--- Robert Fulford

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, 
the sensible man hardly anything.
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)
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The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner.
While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the
minister asked their son what they were having.

"Goat," the little boy replied.

"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure
about that?"

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as
well have the old goat for dinner today.'"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



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Q :What's the difference between the Government and the Mafia?

A: One of them is organized.
_______________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Arnulfo Castro, 46,
Hurst,
Texas

Illegal immigrant blows up a house
when he hits it with his FORD Explorer

Police in Texas released dashcam video showing a home explosion that
injured both residents and the responding officers.

The blast happened April 7 after authorities say 46-year-old Arnulfo
Castro lost control of his white 2000 Ford Explorer and crashed into a
house, rupturing the gas line.

The homeowner reported the accident, telling a 911 dispatcher that
someone was trapped in a bedroom, according to a police report.
Castro was busy trying to organize a lift away from there, when the
cops arrived.

As officers walked up to the house at 433 Myrtle Drive in Hurst, the
leaking gas ignited, sparking a fiery explosion that sent pieces of the
structure flying at them.

The force of the blast lifted the roof off of the walls and blew out
most of the back wall, with the residents   a couple and their adult
son   still inside, police said.

Officers found the wife severely injured, buried under a pile of
debris. They managed to clear the rubble and get all three to area
hospitals for treatment. Police say the mother and father suffered
serious burn injuries, while the son wasn't as badly hurt.

Officer Travis Hiser was treated for minor injuries and released from
the hospital. Corporal Ryan Tooker suffered cuts and abrasions while
helping extricate the victims; he was also treated and released.

"There was definitely some divine intervention that was reaching down
and slowing those vehicles down from making scene and then taking a
finger and pushing me away from the house and the path that I went,"
Hiser told KXAS. "Otherwise, I would have been up on the wall and it
would have exploded completely into my face."

Police arrested Castro, who lives nearby, for driving without a
license. Castro told investigators that he lost control of the SUV when
the brakes failed, according to authorities. Castro was turned over to
the custody of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement after being
placed on an immigration detainer.

The victims had just inherited the house, and don't have insurance on
it yet.

Video of house exploding as cop approaches


Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: Weird attachments

Dear Webby,
I get some emails with an attachment in the form
winmail.dat
and for whatever reason they don't open in my Paint shop program.  I am
not able to "save as" because the options aren't there.  Any thoughts
on what can be done other than asking for the order to be sent in a
different program?

Keep up the good work, love the news and the help you give folks, 
jh 

Dear Jim
That is called "MicroSchlop".

When some blighter uses Microsoft WEIRD to write email,
and uses fancy stationery or fonts, which normal people don't use,
then Microsoft WEIRD attaches that winmail.dat to send along the non-
standard fonts and stuff, that the sender uses to make her mail look
like Incredimail.

IF you happen to read the mail with Microsoft WEIRD or similar
Microsoft programs, then that program installs the wacky fonts into
your machine, without asking you whether you want to pollute your
machine or not.

If you don't have Microsoft WEIRD, then you just see that Winmail.dat.

You can use SEARCH EVERYTHING and find all the winmail.dat files, and
delete them all.
Have FUN
DearWebby




Thanks to Kati for bringing back this Classic:
Never bring plants into the house.

Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis)
can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a
recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to
protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one
of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife
saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room
naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake
under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About
that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He
thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the
floor.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told
him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded
him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the
Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the
stretcher.

That's when the man broke his leg and why he was hauled to the
hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she
called on a neighbor man.

He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up
newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was
gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where
she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the
snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR
to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the
grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and
slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned
goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it
needed 12 stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor
lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that
he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a
small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived.

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a
drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when
the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green
snake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his
sobbing wife.

The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa.

One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.

He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell
over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a
fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the
window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped
out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid
it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the neighbors who called
the fire department.

The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were
halfway down the street.

The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the
electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block
area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was
repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all
was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a
cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought
they should bring in their plants for the night.

That's when he threw the TV at her head.



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
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A man woke up one morning to find his wife packing her
bags.  "Where the heck are you going?" demanded the husband.

The wife replied, "You know all this free sex I've been
giving you all these years?  Well I just found out I can
get $200 a shot for it out in Las Vegas."

With that the husband jumped out of bed and began packing
HIS bags, too.

"Where do you think you're going?" demanded the wife.

"I want to see how you can live on $200 a year
in Las Vegas!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




On their way to a justice of the peace to get married,
a couple has a fatal car accident.  The couple is
sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter
to do an intake.  While waiting they wonder if they
could possibly get married in Heaven.  St. Peter
finally shows up and they ask him.  St. Peter says,
"I don't know, this is the first time anyone ever asked.
Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sits for a couple of months and begin
to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven,
what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't
work out?, " they wonder, "Are we stuck together
forever?"

St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking
somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the
couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't
work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the
ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened
couple. "Jeez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three
months to find a priest up here! Do you have any
idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer!?"
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Uneven Cake Layers
Sometimes you bake a cake layer that comes out just a
little bit lopsided.  Level the layer with a serrated knife.
Then apply a coat of frosting to the rough edge leftover
from the cut.  Let the frosting dry before frosting the rest
of the cake.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

If serrated knifes just make it worse for you, like they do
for me, try my trick:
Put a book into a plastic bag and put it into the cake pan.
Lay the cooled cake on top of that. Youmay have to use a
thicker or thinner book to raise the cake just enough so that
the planned cut line is level with the edge of the pan.
Then take some dental floss and "saw" what is sticking above
the top rim. The cake pan's top edge is a perfect guide
and you will get a much smoother cut than with a knife.
Just keep the floss good and tight while you saw with
4-5 inch left-right strokes towards you.

Floss normally cuts much smoother than a knife, but if you
need a perfectly smooth and not too absorbent top for a
thin hard chocolate glaze, turn the cut layers upside down.
If you greased the pan a bit, then the bottom will be better.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

____________________________________________________

Five doctors went duck hunting one day.

Included in the group were a general
practice (GP) physician, a pediatrician, a
psychiatrist, a surgeon and a
pathologist.

After a time, a bird came winging overhead.
The first to react was the GP who raised his
shotgun, but then hesitated.

"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I
think that I will have to get a second opinion."

And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky there after. This
time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too,
however, was unsure if it was really a duck in
his sights and besides, it might have babies.

"I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered,
as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed
psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain
of his intended prey's identity.

"Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a
duck?"

The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow
wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the
surgeon's weapon pointed skywards.

BOOM!!

The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned
nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.
"Go see if that was a duck, will you?"



Our amazing and beautiful world.

___________________________________________________

A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot for
"parking." He sees a couple in a car, with the interior
light on. He gets closer to the car and sees a young man
behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a
young woman on the rear seat, knitting.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the
car and knocks at the window.

The young man lowers his window...
-Yes, officer?
What are you doing?
Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine...

Pointing towards the young woman, the cop says:
And her, what is she doing?

The young man shrugs:
I believe she's knitting a baby jumper.

The cop is totally confused. A young couple alone in a
car at night... and nothing obscene is happening!

What's your age, young man?
-I'm 25, sir...

-And her, what's her age?

The young man looks at his watch and says:
-She'll be 18 in 20 minutes...
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, April 22 in
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil. 

1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England upon the death of his
father Henry VII. 

1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in the Treaty of
Saragosa. 

1745 The Peace of Fussen was signed, restoring the status quo of
Germany. 

1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American neutrality in
the war in Europe. 

1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces. 

1864 The U.S. Congress passed legislation that allowed the inscription
"In God We Trust" to be included on one-cent and two-cent coins. 

1876 The first official National League (NL) baseball game took place.
Boston beat Philadelphia 6-5. 

1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started as thousands of
Americans raced for new, unclaimed land. The "Sooners" were already
there.

1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred when the USS
Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship. 

1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the first country to
use poison gas. 

1918 British naval forces attempted to sink block-ships in the German
U-boat bases at the Battle of Zeeburgge. 

1930 The U.S., Britain and Japan signed the London Naval Treaty, which
regulated submarine warfare and limited shipbuilding. 

1931 Egypt signed the treaty of friendship with Iraq. 

1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of the White House. 

1944 During World War II, the Allies launched a major attack against
the Japanese in Hollandia, New Guinea. 

1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first nuclear explosion
shown on live network television. 

1954 The U.S. Senate Army-McCarthy televised hearings began. 

1970 The first "Earth Day" was observed by millions of Americans. 

1987 The American Physical Society said that the "Star Wars" missile
system was "highly questionable" and would take ten years to research. 

1993 The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum was dedicated in Washington,
DC. 

1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture the residence
of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day hostage crisis. In the
rescue 71 hostages were saved. Those killed: one hostage (of a heart
attack), two soldiers, and all 14 rebels. 

2000 Elian Gonzalez was reunited with his father in Cuba. He had to be
taken from his Miami relatives by U.S. agents in a predawn raid. 

2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered a state of
emergency in the city of General Santos in response to a series of
bombing attacks the day before. The attacks were blamed on Muslim
extremists. 

2010 The Boeing X-37 began its first orbital mission. It successfully
returned to Earth on December 3, 2010. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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