Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994

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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, October 2



Electric Hummer looks snazzy, but it goes straight onto the
shelf, where Ford's Soy Bean Car is. Don't bother making a
second one. 4 days to charge at home, at $100 per charge.
Bicycle not included. You can charge it with Solar panels in
9 - 19 months (depending on the weather)!

Blessed by Bidet! Makes you wonder what those Demwits had
been smoking!

___________________________________________________
History on this day, October 2, in
1998, Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state
drivers were overcharged by about $73 million a year in
price-fixing.
____________________________________________________
international bonehead award

California Woman Deliberately Ran Over and
Murdered a Man Because She Believed He Was
Trying to Harm a Cat

____________________________________________________
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very
well.
--- Joe Ancis

It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good
advice is fatal.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
___________________________________________________

A man answers the phone and has the following
conversation:
"Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been
most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is
hard. Well, you know how she is.

"Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told
me that she was a vile creature who would make my life
miserable and you begged me not to marry her.
"You were perfectly right.

"You want to speak with her? All right."

He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in
the next room:

"Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"
____________________________________________________

An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a
compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened
a conversation by saying
"I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat
pork...Have you actually ever tasted it?
The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth.Yes, I have, on the
odd occasion."
Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked,
"Your religion, too...I know you're supposed to be
celibate. But....
" The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to
ask. I have succumbed once or twice."
There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped
around the newspaper he was reading and said,
"Better than pork, isn't it?"
__________________________________________________

reported by Rock
an international bonehead award
has been earned by

Hannah Star Esser.
20,
Cypress,
California,
USA

California Woman Deliberately Ran Over and
Murdered a Man Because She Believed He Was
Trying to Harm a Cat

A 20-year-old California woman is accused of intentionally
running over a man she apparently believed was trying to
harm a cat.

Prosecutors on Wednesday announced a murder charge against
Hannah Star Esser for the death of Luis Anthony Victor, 43,
after she was arrested Sunday for striking him with her
vehicle.

Police found Victor dead on a street near a park in the city
of Cypress about 8:30 p.m. after someone reported a vehicle
had struck a pedestrian. Esser was arrested nearby after
police say an initial investigation revealed she
intentionally struck Victor with her car after an
altercation.

Prosecutors said Wednesday that the altercation began about
8:23 p.m. when Esser confronted Victor because she believed
he was “trying to run over a cat in the street” with his
vehicle.

Esser got out of her car and recorded herself confronting
Victor with profanity-laced accusations that he was trying
to harm the cat. Victor got out of his vehicle to confront
her, and Esser got back in her car while “continuing to
argue with Victor before driving off,” according to a press
release from the Orange County District Attorney’s Office.

“Instead of continuing to drive away from Victor and out of
the area, Esser made a 3-point turn and drove back towards
Victor in the direction of a cul-de-sac,” the release said.
“Esser then made a U-turn, accelerated and drove directly at
Victor.”

Esser intentionally struck Victor with the right front
section of her car, prosecutors say, launching the victim up
onto the hood and windshield. Victor flipped several times
before landing in the street; he was declared dead there
when police arrived.

The cat’s condition, including whether it was ever actually
struck by Victor’s vehicle, is not known. Aparently it got
bored and sauntered away before police arrived.

The case has been assigned to Senior Deputy District
Attorney Dave Porter, who is part of the homicide unit.

District Attorney Todd Spitzer said Esser “showed a complete
disregard for human life.”

“The Orange County District Attorney’s Office will ensure
that this random act of violence targeting a stranger will
be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law,” Spitzer
said in the release.

Esser is in jail on $1 million bond. Her arraignment is
scheduled for Oct. 13.
_____________________________________________________

The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring
books.
Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said,
"Miss Francis, I ain't go no crayons."

"Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any
crayons.' You don't have any crayons. We don't have any
crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm
getting at?"

"Not really," Willie said, "What happened to all them
crayons that nobody ain't got?"

_____________________________________________________



©
_________________________________________________

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite
mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a
short
time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain
that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He
summoned the astrologer and commanded him:
"Tell me when you will die!"

The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill
him immediately, no matter what answer he gave.

"I do not know when I will die," he answered finally.
"I only know that whenever I die, the king will die a
horrible death three days later."
_____________________________________________________



©
___________________________________________________

Little Johnny loved surfing the Web,
and kept track of his passwords by
writing them on Post-it notes. His
mother noticed his Disney password
was, "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto,"
and asked why it was so long.

And little Johnny said, "Because,
they said it has to have at least four
characters."
_________________________________________________


Dearwebby's tech support pits

From:James
Re: IP number in spam

Dear Webby,
I don't know if I am allowed to ask for so information or
not but you seem to be the one to ask...
You had a humor letter once and in it was a person getting a
lot of spam and he traced down the IP number and new where
it came from.
Can I do that here at home.

Thanks for any information you can give me on this...
Keep the humor letters coming, they start my day off right.
James

Dear James
Nowadays many spammers forge the IP number, not just the
sender address.

If the owner of that IP number has a toll free number, then
of course you can save that number and phone them up next
time you are in a really really grouchy mood, and screech a
temper tantrum at them.

OK, let's run a contest for the best revenge trick against
spammers ! To make it interesting, I will throw in a prize:
A family size home page site for one year.

Let's kick off that contest with my favorite revenge trick:
Look for a 1-800 voice number in the spam, then use an old
computer and send a fax of a picture to that voice number.
With most fax programs you can of course tell them how many
times to send the same fax, and to which numbers, and at
what times. You can let it do it's thing while you sleep.
When the spammer picks up the phone, he gets that nasty fax
howl blasted at him.

With most fax programs you can set the FROM number. Use your
mother-in-law's number.

If all else fails, get MailWasher
I have used MailWasher since the 90's. It nukes the spam
right on the server, without wasting my time downloading it.

Have FUN!
Dear Webby
___________________________________________________

A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck. A
drunk staggered up to her and said ,"Hey! where'd ja get the
pig?"

The woman scowled at him and yelled," You stupid drunken
fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!"

The drunk said,"Shhhh, quiet, I am talking to the duck."
_____________________________________________________

At the Labor Day barbecue a lady stood up  and said
that it was time to get ready for the celebrations.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every man to be
standing next to the one person who made his life
worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The bartender was
almost crushed to death.
_____________________________________________________
ophelia dingbatter's
news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes
and fun  for grownups. Read it on-line
or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-
in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

today, October 2, in
1492, King Henry VII of England invaded France.

1780, British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy. He
was carrying information about the actions of Benedict
Arnold.

1835, The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place
near the Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated a
Mexican cavalry unit.

1836, Charles Darwin returned to England after 5 years of
acquiring knowledge around the world about fauna, flora,
wildlife and geology. He used the information to develop his
"theory of evolution" which he unveiled in his 1859 book
entitled The Origin of Species by Means of Natural
Selection.

1870, Rome was made the capital of Italy.

1876, The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas
opened. It was the state's first venture into public higher
education. The school was formally dedicated 2 days later by
Texas Gov. Richard Coke.

1889, The first international Conference of American States
began in Washington, DC.

1919, U.S. President Woodrow Wilson suffered a stroke that
left him partially paralyzed.

1924, The Geneva Protocol adopted the League of Nations.

1925, Scottish inventor John Logie Baird completed the first
transmission of moving images.

1937, Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald
Reagan made his acting debut in the motion picture. He was
26 years old.

1941, Operation Typhoon was launched by Nazi Germany. The
plan was an all-out offensive against Moscow.

1944, The Nazis crushed the Warsaw Uprising.

1947, The Federatino Internationale de l'Automobile (FIA)
formally established Formula One racing in Grand Prix
competition.

1948, The first automobile race to use asphalt, cement and
dirt roads took place in Watkins Glen in New York. It was
the first road race in the U.S. following World War II.

1950, "Peanuts," the comic strip created by Charles M.
Schulz, was published for the first time in seven
newspapers.

1958, Guinea, the French colony in West Africa, proclaimed
its independence. Sekou Toure was the first president of the
Republic of Guinea.

1959, "The Twilight Zone" debuted on CBS-TV. The show ran
for 5 years for a total of 154 episodes.

1962, U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their
ships to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a
socialist country were prohibited from docking in the United
States during that voyage, and the transport of U.S. goods
was banned on ships owned by companies that traded with
Cuba.

1967, Thurgood Marshall was sworn in. He was the first
African-American member of the U.S. Supreme Court.

1988, Pakistan's Supreme Court ordered free elections.

1989, In Leipzig, East Germany a protest took place
demanding the legalization of opposition groups and the
adoption of democratic reforms.

1990, The Allies ceded their rights to areas they occupied
in Germany.

1993, Opponents of Russian President Boris Yeltsin fought
police and set up burning barricades.

1998, Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state
drivers were overcharged by about $73 million a year in
price-fixing.

1998, About 10,000 Turkish soldiers crossed into northern
Iraq and attacked Kurdish rebels.

2001, NATO, for the first time, invoked a treaty clause that
stated that an attack on one member is an attack on all
members. The act was in response to the September 11, 2001,
terrorist attacks in the United States.

2015, The reorganization of Google into Alphabet Inc. was
completed. Alphabet became the parent company of Google and
several other companies previously owned by Google.

2022 ! smiled.
<(")

 

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Go to TOP Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, October 2 Electric Hummer looks snazzy, but it goes straight onto the shelf, where Ford's Soy Bean Car is. Don't bother making a second one. 4 days to charge at home, at $100 per charge. Bicycle not included. You can charge it with Solar panels in 9 - 19 months (depending on the weather)! Blessed by Bidet! Makes you wonder what those Demwits had been smoking! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, October 2, in 1998, Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state drivers were overcharged by about $73 million a year in price-fixing. ____________________________________________________ international bonehead award California Woman Deliberately Ran Over and Murdered a Man Because She Believed He Was Trying to Harm a Cat ____________________________________________________ The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well. --- Joe Ancis It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is fatal. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ___________________________________________________ A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. "Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her. "You were perfectly right. "You want to speak with her? All right." He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next room: "Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!" ____________________________________________________ An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork...Have you actually ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth.Yes, I have, on the odd occasion." Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too...I know you're supposed to be celibate. But.... " The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice." There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?" __________________________________________________ reported by Rock an international bonehead award has been earned by Hannah Star Esser. 20, Cypress, California, USA California Woman Deliberately Ran Over and Murdered a Man Because She Believed He Was Trying to Harm a Cat A 20-year-old California woman is accused of intentionally running over a man she apparently believed was trying to harm a cat. Prosecutors on Wednesday announced a murder charge against Hannah Star Esser for the death of Luis Anthony Victor, 43, after she was arrested Sunday for striking him with her vehicle. Police found Victor dead on a street near a park in the city of Cypress about 8:30 p.m. after someone reported a vehicle had struck a pedestrian. Esser was arrested nearby after police say an initial investigation revealed she intentionally struck Victor with her car after an altercation. Prosecutors said Wednesday that the altercation began about 8:23 p.m. when Esser confronted Victor because she believed he was “trying to run over a cat in the street” with his vehicle. Esser got out of her car and recorded herself confronting Victor with profanity-laced accusations that he was trying to harm the cat. Victor got out of his vehicle to confront her, and Esser got back in her car while “continuing to argue with Victor before driving off,” according to a press release from the Orange County District Attorney’s Office. “Instead of continuing to drive away from Victor and out of the area, Esser made a 3-point turn and drove back towards Victor in the direction of a cul-de-sac,” the release said. “Esser then made a U-turn, accelerated and drove directly at Victor.” Esser intentionally struck Victor with the right front section of her car, prosecutors say, launching the victim up onto the hood and windshield. Victor flipped several times before landing in the street; he was declared dead there when police arrived. The cat’s condition, including whether it was ever actually struck by Victor’s vehicle, is not known. Aparently it got bored and sauntered away before police arrived. The case has been assigned to Senior Deputy District Attorney Dave Porter, who is part of the homicide unit. District Attorney Todd Spitzer said Esser “showed a complete disregard for human life.” “The Orange County District Attorney’s Office will ensure that this random act of violence targeting a stranger will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law,” Spitzer said in the release. Esser is in jail on $1 million bond. Her arraignment is scheduled for Oct. 13. _____________________________________________________ The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't go no crayons." "Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons.' You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Willie said, "What happened to all them crayons that nobody ain't got?" _____________________________________________________ © _________________________________________________ A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and commanded him: "Tell me when you will die!" The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will die a horrible death three days later." _____________________________________________________ © ___________________________________________________ Little Johnny loved surfing the Web, and kept track of his passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. His mother noticed his Disney password was, "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. And little Johnny said, "Because, they said it has to have at least four characters." _________________________________________________ Dearwebby's tech support pits From:James Re: IP number in spam Dear Webby, I don't know if I am allowed to ask for so information or not but you seem to be the one to ask... You had a humor letter once and in it was a person getting a lot of spam and he traced down the IP number and new where it came from. Can I do that here at home. Thanks for any information you can give me on this... Keep the humor letters coming, they start my day off right. James Dear James Nowadays many spammers forge the IP number, not just the sender address. If the owner of that IP number has a toll free number, then of course you can save that number and phone them up next time you are in a really really grouchy mood, and screech a temper tantrum at them. OK, let's run a contest for the best revenge trick against spammers ! To make it interesting, I will throw in a prize: A family size home page site for one year. Let's kick off that contest with my favorite revenge trick: Look for a 1-800 voice number in the spam, then use an old computer and send a fax of a picture to that voice number. With most fax programs you can of course tell them how many times to send the same fax, and to which numbers, and at what times. You can let it do it's thing while you sleep. When the spammer picks up the phone, he gets that nasty fax howl blasted at him. With most fax programs you can set the FROM number. Use your mother-in-law's number. If all else fails, get MailWasher I have used MailWasher since the 90's. It nukes the spam right on the server, without wasting my time downloading it. Have FUN! Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck. A drunk staggered up to her and said ,"Hey! where'd ja get the pig?" The woman scowled at him and yelled," You stupid drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" The drunk said,"Shhhh, quiet, I am talking to the duck." _____________________________________________________ At the Labor Day barbecue a lady stood up and said that it was time to get ready for the celebrations. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every man to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The bartender was almost crushed to death. _____________________________________________________ ophelia dingbatter's news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ today, October 2, in 1492, King Henry VII of England invaded France. 1780, British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy. He was carrying information about the actions of Benedict Arnold. 1835, The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place near the Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated a Mexican cavalry unit. 1836, Charles Darwin returned to England after 5 years of acquiring knowledge around the world about fauna, flora, wildlife and geology. He used the information to develop his "theory of evolution" which he unveiled in his 1859 book entitled The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection. 1870, Rome was made the capital of Italy. 1876, The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas opened. It was the state's first venture into public higher education. The school was formally dedicated 2 days later by Texas Gov. Richard Coke. 1889, The first international Conference of American States began in Washington, DC. 1919, U.S. President Woodrow Wilson suffered a stroke that left him partially paralyzed. 1924, The Geneva Protocol adopted the League of Nations. 1925, Scottish inventor John Logie Baird completed the first transmission of moving images. 1937, Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald Reagan made his acting debut in the motion picture. He was 26 years old. 1941, Operation Typhoon was launched by Nazi Germany. The plan was an all-out offensive against Moscow. 1944, The Nazis crushed the Warsaw Uprising. 1947, The Federatino Internationale de l'Automobile (FIA) formally established Formula One racing in Grand Prix competition. 1948, The first automobile race to use asphalt, cement and dirt roads took place in Watkins Glen in New York. It was the first road race in the U.S. following World War II. 1950, "Peanuts," the comic strip created by Charles M. Schulz, was published for the first time in seven newspapers. 1958, Guinea, the French colony in West Africa, proclaimed its independence. Sekou Toure was the first president of the Republic of Guinea. 1959, "The Twilight Zone" debuted on CBS-TV. The show ran for 5 years for a total of 154 episodes. 1962, U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their ships to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a socialist country were prohibited from docking in the United States during that voyage, and the transport of U.S. goods was banned on ships owned by companies that traded with Cuba. 1967, Thurgood Marshall was sworn in. He was the first African-American member of the U.S. Supreme Court. 1988, Pakistan's Supreme Court ordered free elections. 1989, In Leipzig, East Germany a protest took place demanding the legalization of opposition groups and the adoption of democratic reforms. 1990, The Allies ceded their rights to areas they occupied in Germany. 1993, Opponents of Russian President Boris Yeltsin fought police and set up burning barricades. 1998, Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state drivers were overcharged by about $73 million a year in price-fixing. 1998, About 10,000 Turkish soldiers crossed into northern Iraq and attacked Kurdish rebels. 2001, NATO, for the first time, invoked a treaty clause that stated that an attack on one member is an attack on all members. The act was in response to the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks in the United States. 2015, The reorganization of Google into Alphabet Inc. was completed. Alphabet became the parent company of Google and several other companies previously owned by Google. 2022 ! smiled. <(")
Go to TOP
Subscribe    |   Give a Gift Subscription    |   Unsubscribe   
Click here for Large Print (it's back)
Return to Webby homepage   Hosting | Software | Contacts  You have a friend @Webby!
High traffic web space on reliable SUN UNIX servers with the fastest connectivity.


High traffic web space on reliable SUN UNIX servers with the fastest connectivity.