Dear Webby Humor Letter Blog




   
Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, September 3, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

So far nobody has shown any interest in taking over 
"Celebrate The Date". While some people would be like to have 
that many fans, apparently, having to write something every day, 
is too much like work. It actually is not really that much work,
if one writes only one newsletter.

I am not too worried. Next week I will widen the circle for
spreading the news, and sooner or later, somebody will jump
at the chance.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic,
but one of them is paranoid
and the other one is out to get him.
--- Obamanov

"Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking
at girls and persuade themselves they have a better
idea."
--- John Ciardi


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
My niece's class assignment was to interview a senior citizen 
about his or her life, so she asked me, "What was the biggest 
historical event that happened during your childhood?" 

"I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied. 

She looked disappointed, "Was that dance that important 
to you?" 


Austin was flying home and listening to the flight
attendant do the "safety speech" thing. Since it was a
red-eye, she said the cabin lights would be dimmed.
"If you need additional light, note that pressing the
button with the light will turn on your perDaughteral
overhead light."

Then, very serious, "Please also be aware that pushing
the stewardess button will NOT turn the stewardess on."



Flight Pro Simulator
Professional grade flight simulator for military and civilian
aircraft, all at no more, than what te kids pay for an amateur
simulator or a silly game. This is a serious PRO simulator,
that you won't outgrow! Fly from your rocker!



Mother: "How's your history paper coming?"
Daughter: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use
the Internet for research and it's been very helpful."

Mother: "Really?"

Daughter: "Yes, so far I've located 17 people who sell
history papers on that topic!"





Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Stanley Lostumbo, 37 in Syracuse, NY

Hour-long chase in dump truck
 SYRACUSE, N.Y. (AP) - Police said a 37-year-old man driving a 
 dump truck led them on an hour-long chase over roads, rails 
 and yards in the Syracuse area that ended with the suspect 
 being shot. 
 
 The Onondaga County Sheriff said Stanley Lostumbo jumped 
 into a dump truck Tuesday night after being accused of 
 stealing from vending machines at a mall.

Police pursued the truck on a highway, through backyards 
and school grounds and down railroad tracks at speeds up 
to 65 mph before stopping it at a barricade in East Syracuse.

Police said Lostumbo reversed the truck and hit a sheriff's 
vehicle and officers fired, apparently striking Lostumbo in 
the shoulder. He was briefly hospitalized for minor injuries.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Orville
Re: What is the best back-up?

Dear Webby,
OK, so RAID back-up is not for today. What IS the best way
to back up the data for a home business?
Thanks
Orville

Dear Orville
By far the best method is to back up to a far away bank of
servers. That way, no matter what happens to your computer
or your building, the data is safe.

Take for example the Mozy back-up. You get 2 GB of space
absolutely free. Your business data and your business software
will probably take about half a GigaByte, or less. That gives
you one and a half Gigabytes for archiving data by the month,
and a generous collection of whatever pictures you collect.

If family members also want to use your Mozy Home back-up, 
you can get unlimited space for under $5 a month.

The back-up process is fully automated, and you don't even
have to be in or near your building for it. 

The value you get is not just the safety of your data, but
a well thought out concept and hands free automation.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.
While she was waiting for her date, she wanted to make
sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in
her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she
accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter
walks up.

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced,
knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turns to
the waiter and demands "Stop That!"

The waiter looks at her dryly and says
"Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Your Garden Pots Moist With a Diaper
Help your pots and hanging baskets keep some moisture by 
adding a baby diaper in the pot. If you decide to take away 
the plastic, be sure to water soak the diaper first before 
emptying the contents into the soil. The dust from the dry 
contents is not healthy if inhaled. I soak the diapers before 
putting them in my pots. They hold a lot of water.
By kwinters from JackDaughter, MS

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A  salesman from New York traveling in Kansas left his
snazzy rental car out in a hail storm. When the storm
was over he checked the car and found out it was
covered with small dents. He went to the local garage
and inquired how he could  fix the problem himself.

The mechanic told him to blow on the tailpipe and the
dents would pop out again.

He took the car to the motel where he was staying,
parked it and proceeded to blow on the tailpipe.

A local  came by and inquired what he was doing.
He explained that he was blowing on the tailpipe to
remove the dents.

The local  responded,
"That's not gonna to work, not unless you roll up the
windows real tight first, and seal them with duck tape."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


A kid walked up to a guy wearing a 10-gallon hat,
leather vest, leather chaps, and sneakers. The kid
asked him, "Mr. Cowboy, why do you wear that big hat?"

The cowboy replied, "Well, son, the big hat protects
me from hot sun and driving rain, and at night I put
it over my face when I sleep on the range, so it
protects me then, too."

"Why do you wear that leather vest?"
"It also helps to keep the weather off me, and it has
pockets where I can keep my cigarettes and matches."

"Well, why do you wear leather chaps?"
"They protect my legs when I'm riding my horse through
rough bushes."
"Well, Mr. Cowboy," the kid finally asked,
"Why do you wear sneakers instead of cowboy boots ?"

"That's so people won't think I'm a truck driver."





 »  Visual Art Body Human

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100903-052129 2010-09-03T00:00:00Z 2010-09-03T00:00:00Z Is there a benefit to RAID back-up?




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, September 2, 2010
September first was the end of the "Celebrate The Date" newsletter,
a daily newsletter dedicated to trivia and history. 

I simply don't have the time any more. If anybody is interested
in buying that list, let me know. There are about 3000 subscribers,
and it is ranked third from the top at the Ezinefinder. 

If somebody is interested in that topic and has time, there is
good potential for income there. However, if you can not spare
an hour per day, don't bother. Once you get the hang of it, 
it will take less time, of course, but initially you should budget
at least an hour per day.

Newsletters or "Lists" like that usually sell for $1 to $3 per 
subscriber. So, if you can double your number of subscribers,
then you double your investment.


Thanks to Robert for sending a picture to use as an icon for the
link to the Archive. Are you the wizard holding up the scroll?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can'tbe done and why.
Then do it."
--- Robert Heinlein

"Striving for excellence motivates you;
striving for perfection is demoralizing."
-- Harriet Braiker

"Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work
with your Sunday clothes on."
-- Ed Howe


Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense
thing is no myth. Women usually seem to know what's
going on in their man's lives almost better than they
do themselves. Why is this?

They empty his pockets before throwing his laundry into
the washing machine.


A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender
(with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the
houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and gimme the
bill."

So the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill
for $57.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times, then
throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and
once again says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy
everyone in the houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and
gimme the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself
that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same
trick twice. So he gives him the benefit of the doubt,
pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink
himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up,
beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him
out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar
and says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone
in the houshe a drink, gimme the bill."

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me
this time?"

The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get way too violent
when you drink."



Frugal Mom's Guide to Once a Month Cooking

 This is not just another cookbook!
 
 Step-by-step instruction, over 70 delicious recipes.

 You will have more free time every day!

 Save money with once a month cooking 

 and frugal recipes.

 The digital version of this $70 cook book 

 is only $12.95  and includes an extra 

 eBook as a bonus. That's a DEAL!



A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher
knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if
anything was wrong.

The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his
dad told him that he needed to go to church.

The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if
his dad had explained to him why it was more important to
go to church than to go fishing.

The boy replied: "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have
enough bait for both of us."


Thanks to my dad for sending this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Kyle Dubois and his parents in Dover, N.H.

Thanks to Cathi for sending this info!

Brain damaged idiot tries electrocution and sues teacher
 DOVER, N.H. — A New Hampshire high school student shocked 
 so severely in shop class that his heart stopped beating is 
 suing his teacher, the school district and the city of Dover.

Kyle Dubois and his parents claim teacher Thomas Kelley did 
not warn Dubois and other students of the dangers of the 
electrical demonstration cords in their electrical trades class.

On March 11, Dubois attached an electrical clamp to one 
nipple while another student attached another clamp to the 
other. A third student plugged in the cord.

Dubois claims he was apparently injured.
The New Hampshire Union Leader says Dubois' suit contends 
his brain damage is due to that brain dead activity.

Kelley resigned from his teaching position about a month after 
the incident. 



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Cindy
Re: What is RAID back-up?

Dear Webby,
I hear a lot about RAID back-up being the best type, but with
my limited knowledge and experience, I either don't fully
understand it, or have real doubts about it's reliability.
Wouldn't simultaneously writing the same stuff onto two drives
just duplicate any problems?
 Cindy

Dear Cindy
You and me are in the same camp.
In the old days, when hard drives physically wore out in a 
couple of years, some people thought it was a good idea, 
to have a new drive writing the same stuff as the old drive.
That concept apparently sold more drives than simply replacing
the before they wore out.

Nowadays, when drives last a long time, and the threat of
data loss is mostly due to hackers or software malfunction or
user mistakes, the RAID concept does not make sense any more.
Intelligent back-ups once a day protect your data much better,
even though some techs will grumble about having to write a 
script that does that automatically.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was
asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it
to do over again.

"Sure," she replied, "but definitely not the same
ones."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Your Garden Pots Moist With a Diaper
Help your pots and hanging baskets keep some moisture by 
adding a baby diaper in the pot. If you decide to take away 
the plastic, be sure to water soak the diaper first before 
emptying the contents into the soil. The dust from the dry 
contents is not healthy if inhaled. I soak the diapers before 
putting them in my pots. They hold a lot of water.
By kwinters from Jackson, MS

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew
about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding
and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked
Little Johnny what was wrong.

"Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa
Claus at age 5, no Easter Bunny at 6, and no Tooth
Fairy at 7. And if you're going to tell me now that
grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left
to believe in!"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to
discuss their home lives, one said,
"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've
been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds."

"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.

"Oh, No! I can't." the first replied, "I need to lose
at least another fifteen pounds first."





 »  Hubble in 3D

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100902-052014 2010-09-02T00:00:00Z 2010-09-02T00:00:00Z Where is the Archive?




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Snow on the mountains in front of my window.
Sure looks pretty in the morning, when the sun hits them. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"Under capitalism man exploits man;
under socialism the reverse is true."
-- Polish Proverb


The cowboy who was preparing the horses for the
tourists asked a lady she wanted a Western or an
English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.

He told her one had a horn and one didn't.
She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't
expect we'll run into too much traffic out here."


Arthur came home after a late-night poker game and was
greeted by Sandra, his nagging, sourpussed wife.
"And just where have you been all night?," sandra
screeched at him.
"Playing cards," says Arthur, "but that's not
important.  What matters is that I lost you to Bubba
Smith."

"Lost me!!" Sandra screamed, "How did you manage that?"
"It was a heartbreaker," Michael admitted.
"I had to fold with a royal flush."



Frugal Mom's Guide to Once a Month Cooking

 This is not just another cookbook!
 
 Step-by-step instruction, over 70 delicious recipes.

 You will have more free time every day!

 Save money with once a month cooking 

 and frugal recipes.

 The digital version of this $70 cook book 

 is only $12.95  and includes an extra 

 eBook as a bonus. That's a DEAL!



Two boys from the city were on a camping trip. The
mosquitoes were so fierce the boys were hiding under
their tarps and blankets to keep from being eaten
alive. (Yes, Mosquitoes do prefer city slickers with
soft skin)

Then while they were huddled under a tarp, one of them
saw some lightning bugs, and said to his friend:
"Oh, NO!!! They're coming after us with flashlights!"




Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Kevin Michael Harley, 23, in North Charleston, SC

Burglar gets stuck in grease vent  

NORTH CHARLESTON, S.C. (AP) -- A would-be burglar who tried to 
break into a South Carolina restaurant found himself in a tight 
and a greasy situation. The Post and Courier of Charleston 
reported a man tried to break into a North Charleston restaurant 
by climbing down a grease vent. He got stuck and had to wait 
almost seven hours until he could be freed.

North Charleston Police said the man was discovered shortly 
before 5 a.m. Monday when an employee heard someone calling 
for help. Police arrived to find a foot dangling in a vent 
above a stove.

Kevin Michael Harley of North Charleston was charged with 
second-degree burglary.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Margee
Re: Where is the archive?

Dear Webby,
 
I didn't receive the last few days of 
your newsletter (last one received was
on 8/28).  I went to the website and 
tried to resubscribe and it tells me 
my address is not real (not sure what
that's about).
 
I found I could view today's newsletter
online and I have no problem with that,
but I would like to go back and view
the ones I missed.
 
Do you have an archive of your previous
newsletters?
 
Thanks, Margee :)

Dear Margee
Sounds like you have to screech a temper tantrum at 
Earthlink and get them to stop censoring your subscription!

If they have any lame excuses, send them to
http://webby.com/humor/no-sub.html

The archive is at http://webby.com/humor/blog
There is a link to it near the bottom of the Humor Letter.
If you have a suggestion for a cool icon or picture for it,
to make it more noticeable, please let me know!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Aaron bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for
their anniversary. His friend Benny remarked: "I thought
she wanted one of those pretty 4-Wheel drive cars."

"She did," Aaron replied. "But where in the world was I
going to find a fake Jeep?"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Create a "Clean Up" CD
Create a "cleanup CD". Have the family help get all the cleaning 
done while the CD is playing. Then when the music is done, 
you'll have a clean house.

By fdreese1 from Richfield, MN
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Michael strode in to his doctors office and said,
"Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my
prescription and to check the prescription you've been
giving to a Mrs. Rogers."

"Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since
when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?"

Michael says, "Since he found out that the birth
control pills that you prescribed for me did nothing
about my hemorrhoids, and the salve you prescribed
for Mrs Rogers did not stop her from getting pregnant."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


Norrissa was nervous the night her new boyfriend invited
her and her three young sons to an upscale restaurant
for the first time.

He ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the
server brought it, the children became quiet as she
began the ritual uncorking. When the waitress poured a
small amount for Norissa to taste and handed her the glass,
her six-year-old piped up,
"Mom usually drinks a LOT more than that!"





 »  Law of leftovers:

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100901-045413 2010-09-01T00:00:00Z 2010-09-01T00:00:00Z Is that cook book legit?




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Be sure to click through the picture Robert sent. It's a 
real treat! it is probably the most beautiful ocean beach 
picture I have ever seen.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


It is hard to say whether the doctors of laws or the
doctors of divinity have made the greater advances in the
lucrative business of mystery.
--- Samuel Goldwyn


 was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked
"Electronic cat and dog caller -- guaranteed to work."
TextTester looked inside and was quite amused to see an 
electric can opener.


"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your
best friend is a terrible thing to do!"
"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at
him."

The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at
you, you should have come to me."
The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done?
My aim is a LOT better than yours!"



Frugal Mom's Guide to Once a Month Cooking

 This is not just another cookbook!
 
 Step-by-step instruction, over 70 delicious recipes.

 You will have more free time every day!

 Save money with once a month cooking 

 and frugal recipes.

 The digital version of this $70 cook book 

 is only $12.95  and includes an extra 

 eBook as a bonus. That's a DEAL!



At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his
young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is?
What a team is?" The little boy nodded yes.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win
together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or
you are out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack
the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again, the boy
nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain
it to your mother."


Thanks to Robert for sending this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Colondra Hamilton, 36 in Elmwood Place, Ohio
Woman charged for driving with sex toy 
while watching porn video 
The woman was initially stopped by the police in Elmwood Place, 
close to Cincinnati in Ohio, because her car had illegally tinted 
windows. But when the woman, identified as 36-year-old Colondra 
Hamilton, pulled over, the police officer discovered exactly why 
she might not want people to see into her car.

Hamilton was discovered with her trousers unzipped, with a 
vibrator in her lap, while watching a porn video on a laptop, 
that was helpfully being held a by a friend in the passenger 
seat.


Police Officer Ross Gilbert gave Hamilton a traffic ticket 
charging her with 'driving with inappropriate alertness', 
as well as having illegally tinted windows. She is due to 
appear in court next Tuesday. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Kay
Re: Is the cookbook legit?

Dear Webby
Thank you for all of your advice and funny stories, 
would not miss a day.
Just wanted to check and make sure that the cookbook you have 
on your site is ligitamate, and safe to down load. I'm thinking 
of getting it for my granddaughter. Cannot be to careful these days. 
Thank you
Kay

Dear Kay
Yes, that Frugal Mom's Cookbook is quite legit. 
I am quite careful about what links I add, and always check them out.
The same goes for all the links in the side menu. There is 
a lot of very good and solid information there.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A vacationer e-mailed an English seaside hotel to ask its
location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the
beach," he was told.

"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken
windows."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Freeze Extra Veggies for Later
When you have leftover fresh carrots, celery and other 
veggies and need to use them before they spoil, try this. 
Chop them up, give them a quick dip in boiling water and 
vacuum seal them for a quick soup, casserole or stir fry 
ingredient later. The package I'm making has carrots, 
celery and onions.

Remember if there's too much water in the veggies to 
vacuum seal, just pop the package in the freezer for 
an hour or so then vacuum seal it, the liquid won't run 
that way.

By Melmarr from Michigan
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Little Johnny's class was having an English lesson, and
the teacher called on Little Johnny to recite a sentence
with a direct object.

Little Johnny stood and thought, then said,
"Teacher, I think you have lost weight."

"Why thank you, Little Johnny," the teacher said,
blushing. "But what is the direct object?"

"A good report card next month," he replied.



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


"When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated
father, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room
without supper.  But my son has his own TV, phone,
computer and DVD player.

"So what do you do?" asked his friend.

"I send him to MY room!"





 »  Smiley Power:

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100831-045236 2010-08-31T00:00:00Z 2010-08-31T00:00:00Z FileZilla




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, August 30, 2010

Yes, still slaving away on rebuilding the servers and uploading 
from back-ups, and re-installing users and software.
I think it rained, but I know I was working non stop and had no
time to stick my nose outside.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Good advice is something a man gives when he is too
old to set a bad example.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Nobody knows the age of the human race,
but everybody agrees that it is
old enough to know better.
--- Socratex


I knew a girl at work once who was truly concerned
about her husband's smoking.  She told me that she had
finally gotten him to agree to limit his smoking at
home to only those times, when they had finished making
love.  She had gotten the idea from a classic movie
they had both seen on TV.

After about a week, I asked her how it was going.
"Just great ! Now how do I get him to smoke more ?"



Frugal Mom's Guide to Once a Month Cooking

 This is not just another cookbook!
 
 Step-by-step instruction, over 70 delicious recipes.

 You will have more free time every day!

 Save money with once a month cooking 

 and frugal recipes.

 The digital version of this $70 cook book 

 is only $12.95  and includes an extra 

 eBook as a bonus. That's a DEAL!



The story is told of a day when Queen Elizabeth had the
Duke Of Edinbourgh over for a cup of tea. The
conversation turned equestrian and the Queen was
telling the Duke about her new prize horse. After a
spell of ranting and raving over this horse the Duke
said, "Well, then, let's see this fine animal!"

So the Queen and the Duke went over to the stables to
admire the horse. At one point the Queen walked around
the horse, just as it let out an earth trembling fart,
with a smell that brought tears to everybody's eyes and
blistered the paint ... let's just say it was awesome..

The Queen turned a bit red and said,
"Oh, I am terribly sorry about that!"
"Oh, that's quite alright," the Duke replied, "I had
thought it was the horse!"




Click on the picture for the Large Version
Grand Tetons

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Juan Rodriguez, 30, in Holyoke, Mass.
Coke hidden in sausage
A Massachusetts man has been arrested after 
a kilogram of cocaine hidden inside a hollowed out chunk of 
bologna was delivered to his home.

Holyoke police say they were tipped off by postal inspectors in 
Puerto Rico who had been investigating similar shipments. A 
dog confirmed the presence of drugs and the bologna was 
cut open.

The meat was then repackaged and an undercover postal 
inspector delivered it to a Holyoke address at about 4:45 p.m. 
on Thursday where a woman sitting on the front steps 
signed for it.

Police then executed a search warrant and arrested 30-year-old 
Juan Rodriguez on a cocaine trafficking charge. He is scheduled 
to be arraigned Friday.

Police say the cocaine had a street value of $100,000. The 
investigation is ongoing.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Michael
Re: reliable FTP program

Dear Webby,
I need a reliable but affordable FTP program, that is easy
enough to use, so that I can get the night clerks at the front
counter to use it. They are computer literate enough to play
on FaceBook, but don't know anything about web pages.
Thanks
Michael

Dear Michael
I used to list more than half a dozen FTP programs in my Tool Box,
but nowadays I just have FileZilla in there. It is fast, reliable,
easy to use, and free. Once you set it up for them, any little kid
can use it, and many do, to upload pictures from camp.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The Italians have followed the ages old tradition of naming
their boats with a three-letter prefix. For example:
USA uses USS which means "United States Ship."
The British uses HMS which means "Her Majesty's Ship."
and now...Italy is using AMB which apparently means
"At's-a My Boat!"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Freeze Extra Veggies for Later
When you have leftover fresh carrots, celery and other 
veggies and need to use them before they spoil, try this. 
Chop them up, give them a quick dip in boiling water and 
vacuum seal them for a quick soup, casserole or stir fry 
ingredient later. The package I'm making has carrots, 
celery and onions.

Remember if there's too much water in the veggies to 
vacuum seal, just pop the package in the freezer for 
an hour or so then vacuum seal it, the liquid won't run 
that way.

By Melmarr from Michigan
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church
with their three kittens. He had them lined up and was
preaching to them. The mother turned around to do some work.

A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door.
She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens.
She opened the window and said, "Johnny, stop that! You'll
drown those kittens."

Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his
voice: "They should had thought of that before they joined
my church."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


Mrs. Trent, seated in her living room, heard the back
door slam. Thinking it was her young son, she called,
"I'm in here, darling. I've been waiting for you."

There was no answer for a moment and then a strange
voice faltered,
"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I ain't your regular milkman."





 »  SW & W Pix:

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100830-054132 2010-08-30T00:00:00Z 2010-08-30T00:00:00Z Good and reliable FTP program




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, August 29, 2010

Still slaving away on rebuilding the servers and uploading 
from back-ups. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"It is far more impressive when others discover your
good qualities without your help."
--- Judith Martin

In this world there is always danger for those
who are afraid of it.
---George Bernard Shaw 

Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous
without ability.
---George Bernard Shaw 

When a woman marries again it is because she detested
her first husband. When a man marries again it is
because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck;
men risk theirs.
---Oscar Wilde


Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song,
will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.


A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a
hospital. The patient has had major surgery to
both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically
holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "The nurse told
me that I will be able to play the piano when these
bandages come off?"
"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.
"Hmmm, then I better start learning to read sheet
music!"



Frugal Mom's Guide to Once a Month Cooking

 This is not just another cookbook!
 
 Step-by-step instruction, over 70 delicious recipes.

 You will have more free time every day!

 Save money with once a month cooking 

 and frugal recipes.

 The digital version of this $70 cook book 

 is only $12.95  and includes an extra 

 eBook as a bonus. That's a DEAL!



Paddy's wife calls the doctor, stating that her
husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had
taken his temperature; she replied that she hadn't but
would and then call back.

When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor
called and asked her what had happened. She said,
"Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a
barometer on his chest and it said dry,
so I gave him a pint of beer and he went off to work!"




Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Paul Schlosser,25, of Standish, Maine
purse snatcher thwarted by his own photobomb
We know that a picture is worth a thousand words, but is a picture worth a stolen purse?

That's certainly the experience of the Myers family, who 
recently visited Madison, Wisconsin, to attend a wedding. 
The family shared a pretty remarkable tale with Gizmodo. 
The Myers clan posed for a  picture outside of the Wisconsin 
State Capitol building at the same moment that someone 
decided to walk off with one of the family's bags. When 
the Myerses took a closer look at the photo their camera 
had snapped, they noticed that they had caught the robber 
in the act — a felonious photobomb, if you will.

In an email to the tech website, they describe what happened next:
When I saw the guy with his hand in my bag, I ran back inside 
and found the Capitol Police. They were amazing. They immediately 
sent out a description of the thief using the photo I took. In a few 
minutes, one officer had found him still in the area. The thief had 
dumped some things from the bag in a nearby trash can — the 
flash for my camera, a small backpack of kids toys, a bag of cables, 
extra SD cards, my mini tripod — but still in my bag were my wallet 
with cash, credit cards, hotel keys, rental car keys, and my iPad.

The Police recovered everything and hauled the guy off to jail.

The thief denied everything and claimed to be innocent, but may 
have problems convincing a judge of that.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Michael
Re: reliable FTP program

Dear Webby,
I need a reliable but affordable FTP program, that is easy
enough to use, so that I can get the night clerks at the front
counter to use it. They are computer literate enough to play
on FaceBook, but don't know anything about web pages.
Thanks
Michael

Dear Michael
I used to list more than half a dozen FTP programs in my Tool Box,
but nowadays I just have FileZilla in there. It is fast, reliable,
easy to use, and free. Once you set it up for them, any little kid
can use it, and many do, to upload pictures from camp.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and
carousing?' said the do-gooder.
'It's too late,' replied Murphy.
'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous one.
'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reusing Old Sheets
Just wanted to share an idea with you. I was at our local 
thrift shop to buy a sheet to re-cover the pads in our dogs 
cages and I bought a beautiful sheet for a $1.50 and find 
it's too nice to use in dog beds. Don't know what I will use 
it for now but got to thinking about all the decorating 
possibilities sheets have. I know some people are on very 
tight budgets. This might be an idea that could help.

By Joan 
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A 16-year old comes home and says "Dad, I just
got my driver's license and would like to use the
family car."

Father replies, "O.K., son. But, first, you have to
get good grades in school, keep your room clean,
keep the yard trimmed, and cut your hair.  Come
back when you've done all of that."

Well, a month passes and the son approaches
his dad, report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great
marks on my report card. I've been keeping my
room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always
ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"

Father replies, "But, son, you didn't cut your hair."

Son says, "But, Dad, Jesus had long hair."
Father replies, "Yes, son, you're right. He never got
to drive either."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


In South Carolina it's the season of the big mosquitos.

The other evening, a man walked out into his yard and
two mosquitos picked him up. As they lifted him, one
says to the other, "Let's take him down by the lake and
have a picnic."

The other one said, "No way ! If we carry him down
there, the big mosquitos will take him away from us."





 »  Colestr Platforms

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100829-054754 2010-08-29T00:00:00Z 2010-08-29T00:00:00Z How nuch is reasonable for a personal web site?




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, August 28, 2010

Web servers crash. Not frequently, because they are top grade 
computers, but ever since the first abacus crashed 4700 years
ago, that has been something to be feared by those involved
with them. Luckily it does not happen often, but when it does,
it is very traumatic, because nowadays it involves the work and 
livelyhood of a lot of people. 

We had a server crash on Thursday. Our servers are in the hub
of the Internet in Virginia, near the Pentagon, and we work on 
them over the Internet. There are helpful techs on site to 
replace hard drives when needed, and occasionally even assist
with troubleshooting. Sometimes, when a machine is over a year
or two old, they even route the connection to a new machine.

When that has to be done, the routing to the involved sites 
changes. That leads to more problems and can trash the 
set-up and fystem on the new machine. That happened on 
yesterday, shortly after we had finished moving the domains 
from the machine, that had crashed on Thursday onto it.

The thought of jumping off some scenic high spot becomes
quite attractive at times like that. So does regret for not
having chosen a career as Walmart greeter or hamburger
technician. I certainly would not be as broke if I had been
smart enough to choose such a career path, and I most 
definitely would have had a lot more leisure time.

Next life, maybe. Or did I already learn that in the last one, 
and now need to learn to cope with maximum stress?

I will definitely sleep well, when all the sites are up and 
running again!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"Ask a question and you're a fool for three minutes;
do not ask a question and you're a fool for the rest
of your life."
--- Chinese Proverb

"Questions are proof of intelligence."
--- DearWebby


"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please
stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long
silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an
idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate
to see you being the only one standing for the answer
to THAT question."


Two Venusians are walking down the street. One Venusian
finds a little mirror, looks in it, again, and again.
Puzzled, she says to the other one,
"I just know I've seen this face before!"
"Give it to me", says the other Venusian. She looks in
the mirror and says,
"Of course, you silly! It's me!!"



Frugal Mom's Guide to Once a Month Cooking

 This is not just another cookbook!
 
 Step-by-step instruction, over 70 delicious recipes.

 You will have more free time every day!

 Save money with once a month cooking 

 and frugal recipes.

 The digital version of this $70 cook book 

 is only $12.95  and includes an extra 

 eBook as a bonus. That's a DEAL!



The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a
few minutes. When she returned, she found the children
in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely
quiet.

She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen
anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please
tell me, what came over all of you?
Why are you so well behaved and quiet?"

Finally, after much urging, TextTester spoke up and
said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came
back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."




Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Paul Schlosser,25, of Standish, Maine
Maine Crime Spree Doused By Hot Coffee
Portland police say a man's craving for drugs sparked a one 
morning crime spree that included an attempt to steal an 
ambulance, three armed robberies and attempted theft 
of a cash register.

Twenty-five-year-old Paul Schlosser of Standish was arrested 
after he was doused with hot coffee by a worker at a McDonald's 
restaurant as he allegedly tried to steal a cash register.

The Portland Press Herald says Schlosser tried to escape by 
jumping into a car stopped at an ATM, but the driver refused 
to go and police took him into custody.

Portland police Chief James Craig says police are looking 
into whether Schlosser was responsible for a series of unsolved 
crimes in the city's West End on Thursday morning.

Craig says no one was hurt in the crime spree.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Alice
Re: personal web site

Dear Webby,
How much would it cost per year for a small personal web site
with just more or less a family album of pictures and stories
about family members?

I know I can do something like that on Facebook, but that
is a lot of rigmarole and I get pestered by all kinds of
people, that I prefer to forget about. I am by no means a
computer expert, but I know how to use email and word
processing, and I can mess with pictures and resize them.
Alice

Dear Alice
A complete package, including registering a domain for you,
setting up the site for really easy updating, and coaching
you to get comfortable with updating your site, is $375.

Renewing for any year after that, once you had a year's 
worth of personal coaching, is only $100 per year, or
$10.50 a month. You still get full support and coaching
when required, but after a year people require a lot less 
staff time. That is why we can lower the price so drastically.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Two good Catholic boys passed an Episcopalian
minister. At the sight of the reversed collar, one of
them automatically said, "Hello, Father."

The other boy elbowed him in the ribs. "He's no
father, you dummy," said the second youth,
"He's married and got three kids!"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Recycled Plastic Bag as a "Glove"
This idea may sound kind of silly, but I always reuse ziplock 
plastic bags after turning them inside out and squirting a little 
dish washing liquid in them and scrubbing them good inside 
and out.

Here's the silly part, I always seem to have one lying by my 
kitchen sink so twice now I have placed one over my hand and 
used it for a scrubbing assistant. It is a good way to protect my 
hands when I need to scrub something out of the kitchen sink 
that is a little bit yucky.

I also used one once over my hand to scrub off meat drippings 
on a bread board before I intensified the scrub on the bread 
board even more. I don't always like using my kitchen 
sponge/scrubber for certain things so the 'used' plastic 
bag as a hand glove and scrubbing helper worked like a 
charm. I could then throw my 'instant' cleaning glove in the 
garbage knowing I had used it already multiple times, once 
for storing and then again for quick scrubbing. 
Sounds silly but it works for me!

By Kghornsten from Davis, CA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


"I'm so worried," the nervous patient said as the
nurse plumped up his pillows. "Last week, I read about
a man who was in the hospital because of heart trouble
and he died of malaria."

"Relax, Boris" the nurse said, smiling. "This is a first-rate 
Russian hospital. When we treat someone for heart trouble, 
he dies of heart trouble."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


The most remarkable thing about Ernie's mother is that
for thirty years she served the family nothing but
leftovers.

The original meal has never been found.





 »  Lab Pixies

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100828-053853 2010-08-28T00:00:00Z 2010-08-28T00:00:00Z Setting Gmail up for POP




   
Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, August 27, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Getting cold at night and reminding me that the warming 
ripple is over, and we are back to 70's style weather again.

The Saskatoon berries sure are getting sweet and juicy, 
almost over ripe. I hope to squeeze out some time today to
go pick a few punds.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you haven't any charity in your heart,
you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
--- Bob Hope

When dealing with the insane,
the best method is to pretend to be sane.
--- Hermann Hesse


A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his
first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm
handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said,
"Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate." the young man replied
indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how."


Caller to a travel agency: "I want to go from Chicago
to Bison, New York."

The agent was at a loss for words.
Finally, the agent replied: "Are you sure that's the
name of the town?"

"Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer.

After some searching, the agent came back with,
"I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code
in the country and can't find a Bison anywhere."

The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone
knows where it is. I got 2 cousins there ! Check your
map!"

The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and
finally offered, "Do you by any chance mean Buffalo ?"

Customer: "What's the difference? Same animal!"

The agent replied: "That may be so, but flights to Buffalo
are a lot cheaper. Do you want to fly to Buffalo, NY ?
You can take a cab from there to Bison."

Customer: "Yes, sure, whatever."



Frugal Mom's Guide to Once a Month Cooking

 This is not just another cookbook!
 
 Step-by-step instruction, over 70 delicious recipes.

 You will have more free time every day!

 Save money with once a month cooking 

 and frugal recipes.

 The digital version of this $70 cook book 

 is only $12.95  and includes an extra 

 eBook as a bonus. That's a DEAL!



New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but
had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt, he offered to write
the guy a check.

The mugger said dumbfounded, "A Check ? Why would I
take a check from you ? I don't even know you !"


Thanks to Robert for sending this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Shane Alexander, 20, Jason Vantress, 30 in Portlan, Oregon
Cops Stop Shoplifting Suspects At Shop-With-A-Cop Event
PORTLAND, Ore. -- A store full of police officers didn't deter 
two men from stealing items from a southeast Portland Fred 
Meyer, officers said.

Portland police said 20-year-old Shane Alexander and 30-year-old 
Jason Vantress took shoes, clothes, tools and blenders from the 
Johnson Creek Fred Meyer Store on Southeast 82nd Avenue 
on Wednesday morning during the seventh annual 
Shop with a Cop event.

Dozens of police cars and mounted patrol units were in the 
parking lot the morning of the incident.

Portland police said they helped arrest the men, who were 
caught stealing on surveillance video, and turned them over 
to store security officers. The suspects were then taken to 
Clackamas County Jail.

Sixty uniformed police officers participated in the charity event, 
which allowed 150 children from the Boys and Girls Club of 
Portland and Rose Community Center to shop for back-to-school 
clothes.

Donations from Fred Meyer and the bureau's Sunshine Division 
gave the kids $30,000 to spend on supplies and other necessities.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rusty Shoulders
Re: How to set Gmail to POP

Dear Webby,
please tell me again how to make gmail, pop3 
and will i still be able to check it from any computer anywhere
-- 
Believe and you will be rewarded
Rusty shoulders

Dear Rusty 
here is the link with illustrated answer:
http://mail.google.com/support/bin/answ ... swer=13273

Usually you can still check your gmail with a browser, even when it 
is set to POP, since you still use the browser interface for changing
the settings.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


 was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when the
CEO was standing in front of a shredder with a piece
of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and
important document, and my secretary has left. Can you
make this thing work?"
"Certainly,"  said.
 turned the machine on, gestured for the
CEO to insert the paper, and press the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper
disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Citrus Peels to Keep Cats Out of Plants
My sweet kitty just loves when I dig up the dirt to plant my 
flowerbeds and thinks that she's discovered a new litter box! 
After trying other methods: sprinkling in hot pepper (nope), 
cayenne pepper (nope), even adding clam shells into the 
soil (nope), I tried this.

I heard that animals don't like citrus and so after making 
orange-lemonade (3 oranges, 3 lemons and sugar to a gallon, YUM). 
I slivered up the peels and sprinkled them around in my 
flower bed, under petals so they didn't show. You may also 
even add soil to empty citrus fruit peel halves and plant 
some small flower seeds and use them as pots! It worked! 
No more kitty visits!

I ended up doing the same around my vegetable garden fencing 
since a groundhog started making his rounds there soon after! 
Hope this helps all my creative friends out there! :D

By AHA! from Sterling, PA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Benny Cohen was pulled out of the ocean by a lifeguard.
His wife ran over sobbing, "Benny! Benny, what
happened?!"

"Madam, please don't get hysterical," said the
lifeguard. "I'm just going to give your husband some
artificial respiration and he'll be fine."

"What!" Mrs. Cohen yelled. "My Benny gets either real
respiration or nothing."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


At the height of a political corruption trial, the
prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.
"Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five
thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't
heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars
to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The
witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge
leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the
question."

"I'm sorry, your Honor," the startled witness said,
"With that fancy wording, I thought he was talking to you."





 »  Mt St Helens

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100827-042853 2010-08-27T00:00:00Z 2010-08-27T00:00:00Z Nigerian mail from Illinois




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, August 25, 2010
Gorgeous summer day again. I could get used to this!
Have not had to put the top up on the car for quite some
time now. My car is a bright red 91 Chrysler LeBaron ragtop, 
that I bought for $1000 a few years ago, when my previous
car broke a connecting rod and threw a piston through the 
wall. It is noisy inside and has an expesive sounding squeak
in the water pump area, but runs quite OK. 

On beautiful days like this it makes even a boring mail and 
bank run a pleasure. If I could afford a newer car, I don't
think I would be in any hurry to replace the old LeBaron.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A person who trusts no one can't be trusted.
--- Jerome Blattner

The secret of staying young is to live honestly,
eat slowly,
and lie about your age.
--- Lucille Ball

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
--- John Russell


A frantic mother told the pediatrician, 
"My baby has a high temperature!"

"How high is it?"

"102."

"How are you taking it?"
"Oh, I'm holding up pretty well!"


Captain - "How did you attain such proficiency in
bayonet thrusting?"
Private - "Reaching for steak at our boarding house."



Frugal Mom's Guide to Once a Month Cooking

 This is not just another cookbook!
 
 Step-by-step instruction, over 70 delicious recipes.

 You will have more free time every day!

 Save money with once a month cooking 

 and frugal recipes.

 The digital version of this $70 cook book 

 is only $12.95  and includes an extra 

 eBook as a bonus. That's a DEAL!



Junior was one of those holy terrors and dad was
quite surprised when his wife suggested that they buy
him a bike for his birthday.
"Do you really believe that'll help improve his
behavior ?" he asked.

"Well, yes," she said, "it will be a lot more peaceful
INSIDE the house."


Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture by her friend TJ


Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Stacy L. Erickson, 27, in Sheboygan, Wisconsin
Passed out in the drive-through
A 27-year-old Sheboygan woman passed out drunk in her car 
while trying to place an order in a McDonald’s drive-thru, 
according to court documents filed this week.

Police officers summoned by employees found Stacy L. Erickson 
slumped over and snoring inside her 1991 Ford Escort, according 
to a criminal complaint. The incident occurred about 3:40 a.m. 
July 30 at the McDonald’s at 2425 S. Business Drive.

Officers’ initial attempts to rouse Erickson were unsuccessful, 
but she woke up after they turned off the car and tried again.

Erickson had to grab the car to steady herself as she got out, 
and she failed field sobriety tests.

Erickson is charged with misdemeanor THIRD-offense drunken 
driving and faces up to a year in jail, if convicted. She is 
scheduled to make an initial court appearance Aug. 30.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ray
Re: Nigerian mail

Dear Webby,
I've been getting a load of e-mails from all the creeps in Nigeria
wanting to give me millions of dollars.  Somehow my address got placed
on the creep list.  Is there some way to block these by blocking the
IP number they are coming from.  For instance, they are all coming
from 67.195.15.nn (the last two number are always different).  I can't
block them by the from address as it is always different.  The last
time I had this problem I resorted to  changing my e-mail address.
I'm using webmail on AT&T (Yahoo) and sometimes Outlook (Depressed).
Appreciate your help and appreciate your daily letter, always read it
first.
Ray

Dear Ray
I just use Mailwasher to send them to hell,
murdered in the dark right on the server,
unseen by any human.

However, I don't use IP numbers for filtering mail.
The block of IP numbers, that you are concerned about,
is allocated to ISPs in Illinois. The spam you got, was sent
by infected computers somewhere in Illinois.

You can look up who owns those IP numbers, and get after
that ISP to inform their clients.

I simply look for what is common to those letters, and make
a filter using those common words or phrases.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two
drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their
briefcases and started to eat.

The owner became quite concerned and marched over and
told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in
here!"

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their
shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

While they thought they were getting away with it,
the 6 foot six 300 pound owner wrote on the 
"Specials" blackboard by the cash register:
"Today's Special: Tuna sandwich, $11.95".

When it came time to pay, he charged them for the
tuna sandwiches. They protested, but since they had
eaten a tuna sandwich that was not their own, they
had the choice of paying or washing dishes for the
rest of the day.
They paid.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Egg Cartons For Craft Organization
I save egg cartons of both kinds cardboard and Styrofoam. 
I use the bottom of all sizes in the Styrofoam to use when 
I do watercolor painting. They can be used for any painting 
medium and also for crafting. I use them and then toss them 
out after my day of painting for mixing colors.

You can also either the Styrofoam or cardboard cartons for 
all sorts of crafting or sewing, for storing beads for 
Jewelry making, for any kind of small items to keep 
you organized.

By handbaglady from Manahawkin, NJ

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Q. The truth of the matter is that you are not an
unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You too were
shot in the fracas?

A. No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and
the navel.



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


The drunk was brought into night court, having been
picked up on suspicion of being the notorious night
prowler.  "What were you doing out at 3 A.M.?" the judge
sternly queried.
"I was going to a lecture."

"A lecture at 3 A.M.?" The judge was scornful.

"Oh, schure," said the drunk.  "Schometimes my wife
schtarts 'em even later than that."





 »  Seasonal Edibles

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100826-040425 2010-08-26T00:00:00Z 2010-08-26T00:00:00Z How to learn about laptops without a manual




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The bottom most leaves on the raspberry bushes took a hit 
of frost last night. But the plants are healthy and look like
they will have a good crop of berries next year. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals;
others by their acts.
--- Harold Nicholson


When the ax entered the forest, the trees said,
'The handle is one of us!'
--- Turkish proverb


A travelling salesman finds himself stranded in the
tiniest town in Australia. He knocks on the door of a
little hotel.
"Sorry, we don't have a spare room," says the manager,
"but you're welcome to share with a little red-headed
schoolteacher, if that's okay."

"Oh, that'll be great," says the bloke, grinning from
ear to ear."And don't worry, I'll be a real
gentleman."

"Just as well," says the manager. "So will the little
red-headed schoolteacher."


Psychology was tried on a difficult hiccough case. All
simple remedies had failed and the physician, knowing
that his patient was an old tightwad, resorted to a
stratagem. He administered a new, cheap medicine. This
drew from the patient an inquiry as to its contents.
"Chiefly musk," said the doctor.

"But isn't that the expensive stuff they use in perfumes?"

"Yes," said the doctor. "Each dose of this costs thirty
dollars."

The hiccoughs immediately stopped.



Frugal Mom's Guide to Once a Month Cooking
 This is not just another cookbook! This unique Oamc guide 
 Step-by-step instruction, over 70 delicious recipes.
 You will have more free time every day!
 Save money with once a month cooking 
 and frugal recipes.
 The digital version of this $70 cook book 
 is only $12.95  and includes an extra 
 eBook as a bonus. That's a DEAL!



There was an elderly southern widow who lived in a large
mansion. She was feeling generous when it came towards
the holiday, so she called up the local military base, and
asked to speak with the lieutenant.

"Please send up four nice young men to eat dinner here on
the holiday, but please, don't send any Jews. Please, no
Jews."

The lieutenant replied, "No problem ma'am, and I am sure I
speak for the army when I say we all appreciate your
kindness."

Well, the holiday rolled around, and the widow went to answer
the door when it rang. She was surprised to see four
of the blackest boys that anyone had ever seen, especially
in the South.

"But... But... There must be some mistake," she stammered.
One of them replied, "No ma'am, lieutenant Morris Goldstein
doesn't make mistakes."




Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to two parents in Hopewell Junction, NY
Mother, father and daughter stopped at checkpoint; 
parents arrested

A husband and wife were arrested Sunday and charged with 
driving while intoxicated after the vehicle their child in was 
stopped at a checkpoint, East Fishkill Police said.

Officers at a checkpoint operated between midnight and 5 a.m. 
Sunday stopped a vehicle after observing marijuana paraphenalia 
inside, police said. The vehicle was occupied by two 18-year-old 
boys and two 15-year-old girls, all of whom live in Hopewell Junction

Parents of all four teens were called to pick up their children, 
but the 46-year-old mother of one of them was observed to be 
intoxicated upon her arrival, police said. The 46-year-old was 
arrested and the teen-ager was released to another adult at 
the scene, police said.

Two hours later, the same child’s father, a 45-year-old 
Hopewell Junction resident, drove through the checkpoint 
and was observed to be intoxicated, police said.

He was arrested and both parents were charged with driving 
while intoxicated, a misdemeanor, police said.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Hank
Re: Learn about laptops

Dear Webby,
I purchased a used Toshiba Laptop.
There was no owners manual.  Is there a website where I can 
Learn to operate this new toy? I have never had a laptop so I 
know nothing about one.
 
Thanks for your help,
hank

Dear Hank
It's just a computer, that is portable and that will run for 
a while on a battery.

There are a few extra settings in the Power Options in the 
control panel. Other than that, everything acts the same as 
on a desktop computer.

The battery will gradually deteriorate and hold shorter and 
shorter periods and usually needs top be replaced every 
2-3 years. You usually get a few extra months out of a battery, 
if you let it drain down to nothing once in a while.

Make absolutely sure that you never forget the battery charger 
and cord anywhere!
If you try a generic charger, you will fry the on-board power 
supply, and will need a new motherboard. That would cost you 
twice as much as a new laptop. There is something on Toshibas 
that suicides, if it detects a generic charger.

You CAN get third party Toshiba chargers for Toshiba laptops. 
Those are cheap, and won't fry the motherboard. But it has to 
be one specifically made for that model Toshiba. 

It's a good idea to have one of those sitting at home, so that it 
can be FedExed to you, if you forget yours in a hotel. They 
disappear instantly and hopes of getting them back even an 
hour after you check out, are zero.

That's about it. Whatever works on your desktop, will also 
work on the laptop.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart
attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening
politely for a over a half hour on how thankful he should be
to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he
asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes
during the heart attack. 

The patient responded,
"Don't be ridiculous, the attack had only lasted 6 hours."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fill Detergent Cup at End of Dishwasher Cycle
Immediately upon emptying my dishwasher I put the detergent 
in the cup. That way if the cup is closed, the dishes are dirty. 
I use the little packets and they don't dry out. Saves a lot of 
"are the dishes clean or dirty".

By Halfwhit from Ashdown, AR

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
   Socks can eat any place they want.



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


A well worn dollar bill and a similarly distressed
twenty arrived at the bureau of Engraving and Printing
to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to
the shredder they struck up a conversation. The twenty
reminisced about its travels all over the country.
"I've had a pretty good life." the twenty proclaimed.
"I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest
restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and
even a cruise from Miami."

"Wow!" said the single, "you really have gotten
around."
"So tell me", says the twenty, "where have you been
throughout your lifetime?"
"Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist
Church, the Presbyterian Church, the Lutheran Church,
the Catholic Church, the Orthodox Church, Assembly of
God Church, the Brethren Church, the United Church of
Christ, ...."

And the twenty says, "What's a church?"





 »  Mousing through History

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100825-050711 2010-08-25T00:00:00Z 2010-08-25T00:00:00Z Sound turned off by Pogo




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Nice summer weather, and the berries are tasting great!
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Your net worth to the world is usually determined
by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted
from your good ones.
--- Benjamin Franklin

You are only as strong as your purpose, therefore
let us choose reasons to act that are big bold
righteous and eternal.
--- Barry Munro


During a sermon the pastor stated that money wasn't important
in the afterlife, because in heaven, there is no money.  One
parishioner loudly stage-whispered to his wife,
"Did you hear that, Maude? We're already in heaven."


Kathrina was visiting the modern art museum and turned to an
attendant standing nearby.
"This," she sneered, "I suppose, is one of those hideous
representations you call modern art?"
"No madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a
mirror."



Frugal Mom's Guide to Once a Month Cooking
 This is not just another cookbook! This unique Oamc guide 
 Step-by-step instruction, over 70 delicious recipes.
 You will have more free time every day!
 Save money with once a month cooking 
 and frugal recipes.
 The digital version of this $70 cook book 
 is only $12.95  and includes an extra 
 eBook as a bonus. That's a DEAL!



A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of
hard times, approaches a well dressed gentleman on the
street. "Hey, buddy, can you spare two dollars?"
The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not
going to spend it on liquor are you?"

"No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.

"You are not going to throw it away in some crap game,
are you?" asks the gentleman.

"No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum.

"You wouldn't waste the money at a golf course for
greens fees, would you?" asks the man.

"Never," says the bum, "I don't play golf."

The man asks the bum if he would like to come home
with him for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts
eagerly.

While they are heading for the man's house, the bum's
curiosity gets the better of him. "Isn't your wife
going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your
table?"

"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I
want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't
drink, gamble or play golf!"

----------------
Hmmmm, maybe, if I ever get out of debt enough to afford it,
I should try drinking, gambling and golf?


Thanks to Dad for this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version
Luener See, a hydro lake way up above the tree line.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Tracy Province, 42,
Escapee recognized in church
 An escaped convict was recaptured in the US after he went 
 to church, sang hymns and mowed the church lawn.

Tracy Province, 42, walked into Meeteetse Community Church 10 
days after he escaped from an Arizona prison.

He sang in the morning service, shook hands with members 
of the congregation, then spoke to the pastor, reports Metro.

The Rev Ron Kingston asked Province if he could mow the 
church's lawn and cut some weeds for cash and the fugitive 
agreed politely.

"I introduced myself to him because he was a face I hadn't 
seen before. We shook hands and I welcomed him into the 
church," Mr Kingston told CNN.

"He was polite. He asked me if I appreciated how he cut the 
grass, if he did a good enough job."

But a woman parishioner later recognised him from news reports 
and called the police, leading to the prisoner's arrest as he 
walked out of a local motel.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: JoAnn
Re: Sound problem mystery solved

Dear Webby,
Thank you for your many helpful hints over the years. You 
are appreciated in this household!
 
I had an experience of no sound some time back. I found that, 
just because while playing games in the Pogo site and turning 
the game sounds off there, I had ended up turning the volume 
off completely to my computer. I could only turn the sound back 
on by doing so on the Pogo site. Any other many ways wouldn't 
turn the sound on the computer at all. Took me quite some time 
to come up with solving this problem!! Just for your interest.
JoAnn

Dear JoAnn
Thank you very much for that info!
I will post that in tomorrow's Humor Letter. 
Today's has already gone out.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A man appears at a woman's front door and announces,
"Madam, I'm the piano tuner."
"I didn't send for a tuner," the piano-playing woman
replies.
"I know, lady," the man says. "Your neighbor did."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Cool at Night
Right now we are in the middle of a heat wave and the 
humidity is out of this world. Since I don't have air 
conditioning, the nights trying to sleep are pretty 
unbearable even with the fan on.

What I do now is take a single size sheet, wet it in the 
sink, wring it out as best I can, then drape it on my body 
when I am lying in bed. The wet sheet keeps me cool when 
the fan blows on it, and by morning the sheet is dry and I 
had a great sleep.

By Karyn01 from Ottawa, Canada

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love
with a woman in her 20s and is contemplating a
proposal.

"Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he
asks a friend.

"With her, your chances are better," says the friend,
"if you tell her you're 90."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


A lawyer was cross-examining a witness:
"You have just testified that you heard the shot at
exactly 11:32 p.m.?

How did you know what time it was? Did you look at
your watch?"
"No," the witness said. "I looked at the sundial in
the garden."

"That's absurd," screamed the lawyer. "How could you
tell time by a sundial at 11:32 at night?"

"I had a flashlight," the witness said.





 »  Car parts art

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100824-044232 2010-08-24T00:00:00Z 2010-08-24T00:00:00Z Picture Frames




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, August 23, 2010
The wind changed and blew the smoke over the Rockies back to
BC, and a quick five minute rain washed the air. Yeah, I stood
out in the rain, and waved to neighbors, who were doing the same.
The clean, fresh air sure smelled nice!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Few things are more satisfying than seeing your
children have teenagers of their own.
--- Doug Larson

If you want to recapture your youth,
just cut off his allowance.
--- Al Bernstein


A father, who worked away from home all week, always
made a special effort with his family at the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old
daughter out for a drive in the car.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold that
he really didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily,
his wife came to the rescue and decided that for this
Sunday she would take their daughter out. They
returned just before lunch and the little girl ran
upstairs to see her father.

"Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with
Mommy?"

"Oh yes Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know
what.......we didn't see a single bastid or
dingbat, 'cause Mommy was doing the dingbat stuff
herself and scared them all away!"


A Texan is bragging to a Rhode Islander. "In Texas,"
he drawls, "you can get on a train, ride all day long,
and still be in Texas by nightfall."

"Well", replies the Yankee, "We have some rather slow
trains in Rhode Island too, but none that are THAT slow."


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough 
method to counter food risks and rising costs.

You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you do it right.

You can NOW! download the book,
get better food and stop wasting money!

Food for Wealth


Thanks to Ann for this story:
In his younger days our golden retriever Catcher often
ran away when he had the chance.  His veterinarian's
office was about a mile down the road, and Catcher
would usually go there.  The office staff knew him and
would call me to come pick him up.

One day I called the vet to make an appointment for
Catcher's yearly vaccine.

"Will you bring him," asked the receptionist, "or should
we just nail him the next time he comes by?"



From Jennifer P.

We have checks ready to send you for offering us your honest opinion 
on various online surveys that only take a few minutes to complete. 
So if you're interested in earning a nice extra income each month 
for just giving your opinion on various surveys then press here to begin.



We can only accept a few more people, but we will accept you if you're 
interested...and we hope you are!
Thank you,

Jennifer P.

PSC Representative since 1998



A little girl and her mother were out and about. The
girl, out of the blue, asked her mother,
"Mommy, How old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about
their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing
women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you
grow up."

The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then
fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and
daddy get divorced?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions,
responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me
very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is
dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults
with her girlfriend about her and her mother's
conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do
is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license.
It's just a like a report card from school. It tells
you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother are out and
about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy,
Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are.
You're 32 years old."

The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how
do you know that?"

The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I
know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you
and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."


Thanks to Sandie for this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version
Enigmatic Cloud

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Diana Ahlen, 34,in Chemnitz, Germany
A MUM has been arrested after taking her five-year-old 
daughter on a bank robbery.

Diana Ahlen, 34, held up a branch of the Sparkasse bank in the 
eastern city of Chemnitz, Germany, yesterday, armed with a 
bread knife.

In her other hand she clutched her little girl.

She demanded several thousand euros from a female cashier 
who managed to trigger a silent alarm linked to two police 
stations just 500 yards away.

Armed cops surrounded the bank in the city's Hainstrasse 
within five minutes.

Police spokeswoman Jana Kindt said: "The police stormed 
the bank and the woman gave herself up immediately.

"She later said she resorted to a bank robbery because she 
was in dire financial straits."

Her daughter was sent home to her father.

The woman appeared before a judge in the afternoon,
and was bailed.

Incredibly she then set off to try to rob another bank.

Armed with another knife she tried the same procedure, 
and was arrested again within minutes.

This time she was denied bail.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Brigit
Re: Picture frames

Dear Webby,
I am continuously amazed and impressed by how much better
your newsletter is than all the other ones, except maybe 
Ophelia's, who seems to be copying your style like a very
good student.

I was reminded of that again this weekend, when my daughter
printed out a bunch of the large version pictures from the
Humor Letter, and wanted to pin them onto the wall in her room.
Those pictures are well worth framing! So we went to the gallery
down the street and checked. And left in an awful hurry.

I realize this is not a web or computer question, but do you
know of a way to get or make picture frames, that mere mortals
can afford?
Thanks
Brigit

Dear Brigit
Take those prints with you and go to the nearest Ikea store,
or check their on-line catalog. They have quite nice frames
in the $2 - $25 range. In the store they often have them with
very nice matting and some example filler print. There you
can choose which frame and matting will go best with each
picture. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Things only women understand:
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and
challenges,
but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.

Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but fat cells live forever.

Amazing!  You just hang something in your closet
for a while and it shrinks two sizes.

Actually, some men have noticed that last one too!
Personally, I am lucky and really glad I bought that goofy
looking Fat Burning Furnace book before the economy went sour 
and I still had money. Now I can get back into pants that
had "shrunk" on me before I wore them out.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fancy Ice Cubes
For fun and a treat, how about some fancy ice cubes. They are 
pretty and a taste surprise when the ice melts in a beverage. 
You can use a raspberry, a portion of a peeled orange, lemon 
or lime wedge, a maraschino cherry, candied fruit, mint leaves 
and much more. The sky is the limit :-)

Fill an ice tray 1/3 full with water and then partially freeze. 
Add the fruit to the center of each cubicle, press slightly and 
freeze a bit longer (this way your choice will remain centered i
n the cube). Finish by filling the rest of the ice cubicles with 
water. Freeze completely and forget until time to use.

If you don't want to be this fancy but still want fun cubes, 
simply put a drop or two of food coloring in each ice cubicle 
and add water before freezing.

Oh, and if you just want a fun flavor, you can put a drop or 
two of your favorite food flavoring in each ice cubicle.

By Deeli from Richland, WA

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


On a visit to Chicago, Jill was eager to visit a posh
department store about a dozen blocks from their
hotel. Her husband obligingly hailed a cab. They got
in and he told the driver, "My wife wants to go to
Neiman Marcus."

The cabby looked over his shoulder at us and said,
"And the gentleman?  Does he want to go to the bank
or the pawn shop?"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


Mary and her new boyfriend were at her son's
volleyball game when she noticed an adult couple in
the bleachers.  They were being VERY affectionate.
She was running her hands all over him and nibbling on
his ear.  He had a hand on her chest.

Mary said to her boyfriend, "I don't know whether
to watch them or the game."

He said, "Watch THEM!  You already KNOW how to play
volleyball."





 »  Funny Felines

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100823-053537 2010-08-23T00:00:00Z 2010-08-23T00:00:00Z How to get midi files to play




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, August 22, 2010

It's still smoky from the 250+ forest fires in BC, and the 
smoke wafting over the top of the Rockies. Visibility has
improved to almost ten miles, but the camp fire smell is 
still as strong as it has been for almost a week.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Wear the old coat and buy the new book.
--- Austin Phelps

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
--- Scottish Proverb

Bachelors know more about women than married men; 
if they didn't, they'd be married too.
--- H. L. Mencken

Success is getting what you want.
Happiness is liking what you get.
--- Socratex


Our business professor was lecturing about different
ways to bill customers. He asked, "Who can give me an
example of a system where you are billed before you
actually receive your goods?"

One student piped up, "Tuition!"


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can NOW! download the book,
get better food and stop spending money 
on poor quality food!
Food for Wealth


The teacher asked  if he knows his
numbers. He said, "Yes, I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three?" asked the teacher.
"Four," says .
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good
job. What comes after ten?"
 smiles and says, "A jack."



From Jennifer P.

We have checks ready to send you for offering us your honest opinion 
on various online surveys that only take a few minutes to complete. 
So if you're interested in earning a nice extra income each month 
for just giving your opinion on various surveys then press here to begin.



We can only accept a few more people, but we will accept you if you're 
interested...and we hope you are!
Thank you,

Jennifer P.

PSC Representative since 1998



A perfectionist teacher demands the very best of all
of her pupils. So it is only to be expected that she
would get furious when one little fellow hands in a
sloppily done homework paper.

"This is the worst essay it has been my misfortune to
read," the woman says through clenched teeth. "It has
so many mistakes. I can't understand how one person
could have made all these mistakes."
"It wasn't just one person," the boy replies defensively.
"My dad helped me."


Thanks to Cookie for this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version
Bucket Seat

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to 
Pa. man admitted dropped heroin was his
KIMBERTON, Pa. (AP) - A southeastern Pennsylvania man faces 
drug charges after police said he admitted the heroin discovered 
on the floor of a bank belonged to him. East Pikeland Township 
police said 25-year-old Justin Carbone, of Phoenixville, 
accidentally dropped the drugs inside a Kimberton credit 
union earlier this week.

Police used the check Carbone cashed to track him down 
shortly after bank personnel discovered the drugs. When an 
officer pulled up to Carbone and asked him if he'd lost anything 
in the bank, police said he replied "two bags of heroin."

Carbone was released Monday on $10,000 unsecured bail and 
was due in court again next month.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Annette
Re: Midi files not playing

Dear Webby,
thanks for the wonderful news letter every day, look forward 
to it every morning!. I have a problem maybe you will help 
me with. I have lost the sound to my midis on this computer, 
when I send a midi with my emails , the person I send it to 
can hear the music, but I cant. Where do I go on here to 
get my sound on this computer, I have a Vista, Home Basic. 
Thanks for all you do every day, 
Kindest regards, 
Annette.

Dear Annette
Try this:
Update the Windows Media Player.
Then open a File Explorer (Right-click START, select Explore)
Tools
Folder Options
File Types

Scoot down to MID (Midi Files)
and associate that type with Windows Media Player.

OK your way out of there, and find a midi file with the 
file explorer.
Right-click the midi file
select OPEN WITH
highlight Windows Media Player
put a checkmark on "Always use this program for this type of file"
Hit OK.

If the sound is not muted or turned down,
and the speakers plugged in and turned on, then you should 
hear the midi file now.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an
eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the
distance, figuring the wind direction and speed.
Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated
partner says,
"What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife and her mother are up there 
watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a 
perfect shot."

"Forget it, man! The way YOU play, you don't stand 
a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Rent a Cottage for a Summer Vacation
For my family's summer vacation, we rented a cottage for a 
week and truly enjoyed the solitude. Who could ask for better 
than getting up to fresh coffee while enjoying the sounds of 
birds singing and the site of a beautiful lake off the balcony. 
It is one week in my year that I did not have to worry about 
laundry, housework, work, or any number of other things I 
do regularly at home.

By Karyn01 from Ottawa, Canada

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Jeff goes in to see the manager. "I have to have a
raise, boss," the man says. "There are three other
companies after me."

"Is that so?" the manager says. "What companies are
after you?"

"The electric company, the telephone company and the
gas company."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


An American teacher asked one of her pupils,
"What's the nation's capital?"
The reply was, "Washington DC."
On being asked what the 'DC' stood for, the pupil
answered, "Dot com!"





 »  Vintage Photos

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100822-053818 2010-08-22T00:00:00Z 2010-08-22T00:00:00Z Mail problems at Juno and Netzero




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, August 21, 2010

Juno and Netzero seem to have annoyed a lot of people. This week
I got bounces from about a hundred subscribers with Juno and 
about the same with Netzero addresses, all with "Service unavailable".

I can understand one or two people dying, and don't continue
sending subscriptions to dead addresses, but a hundred each in
a week, that might indicate that the service at Juno and Netzero
has gotten so bad, that a lot of people smartend up and moved
to a better ISP.

If you have a friend or relative with a Juno or Netzero address,
it would be a good idea to contact them some other way and get
their new or alternate address. Since the service at Juno and 
Netzero has been deteriorating for quite some time, most of
them do have a Gmail address on the side for important mail.

Don't write Mom off just yet! Give her a call and get her 
new email address.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A committee can make a decision that is dumber 
than any of its members.
--- David Coblitz


Apparently the reason England has not joined the rest
of Europe in adopting the Euro as the common European
currency is that they are worried that in the quaint
way they talk in England,"spending a pound" would be
changed to "Euronating".


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can NOW! download the book,
get better food and stop spending money on poor quality food!
Food for Wealth


When a guy's printer began to grow faint, he called a
local repair shop where a friendly man informed him
that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he
told him he might be better off reading the printer's
manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does
your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually, it is my boss's idea," the employee replied
sheepishly. "We usually make a LOT more money on
repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves
first."


Dwayne's ad got me 7 cups of coffee. 
Thanks to the seven, who checked it out!

Maybe this one will get me a loaf of bread?

Unlike with Dwayne's info, with this you probably don't have 
to worry about getting into a high tax bracket and messing up
your fixed income. It seems to be a much more relaxed way of
making some extra money.


From Jennifer P.

We have checks ready to send you for offering us your honest opinion 
on various online surveys that only take a few minutes to complete. 
So if you're interested in earning a nice extra income each month 
for just giving your opinion on various surveys then press here to begin.



We can only accept a few more people, but we will accept you if you're 
interested...and we hope you are!
Thank you,

Jennifer P.

PSC Representative since 1998



Here are a few tips that WILL make the difference between
surveys being profitable fun versus a time wasting nuisance:

1) Get some disposable addresses, because if you are good, then
   you will probably get swamped with too many survey requests.
   Even if you funnel those addresses to your main address, 
   that will make it easier to filter them to a separate folder, 
   or the trash when you go on vacation.

2) Get the free RoboForm from the left side menu
   to automate filling in your profile on those surveys that
   require that. 
   
3) Keep a log of which surveys you filled out, and check
   your PayPal once a month against that log, to find out which
   ones are paying the most. Focus on those, and ignore the ones,
   that are just handing out the occasional coupon.
   
4) Be realistic! The survey racket is not like Dwayne's info for
   skipping up a few tax brackets, but simply supplemental
   spare time income.
Have FUN!
DearWebby   


Two city swingers were walking in the country when
one of them spotted a bug walking across the road.
"What kind of bug is that?" he asked his companion.
The companion leaned over and looked at the bug. "It's
a Lady bug."
The first man looked at the bug again, then at his
friend, and said:  "Man, you sure got good eyes."


Thanks to Sandie for this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version
Young Green Heron

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Derick A. Reedy, 22, in Kingsport, Tennessee

Con Artist caught
The Tennessee man was arrested yesterday for a harebrained 
scheme to defraud a Chili's. According to a Kingsport Police 
Department report, Reedy admitted fabricating a story that two 
Chili’s workers were “talking sexually about sex and dildos” 
while he and his wife were eating.

Reedy, 22, allegedly did this in a bid to extract a refund 
for the meal (which he never actually had). While a Chili’s 
manager did not part with cash, he did give Reedy $70 
in gift certificates. Subsequently, the manager called 
cops after he “discovered that the suspect attempted 
this at several other businesses.”

Confronted by police, Reedy “admitted he lied about 
the incident in an attempt to obtain money or compensation.” 
Reedy was charged with fraud, false pretense or swindling 
and transported to the Kingsport city jail.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Michael
Re: Outlook Limitations

Dear Webby,
For those of us with brain-dead email readers like Outlook 2007, 
who would like to contribute to keep your humor letter coming, 
but for who the PayPal link does not work (though all the rest of 
the links in your newsletter work just fine), can we send 
contributions to humor@webby.com via PayPal?
Aloha,
Michael

Dear Michael
Yes, sure that works, 
or you can go to the online copy at http://webby.com/humor
or, as you suggested, send money to humor@webby.com

Thank you very much!
Have FUN!
DearWebby


A missionary heard about a native who had five wives.
He paid a visit to the native's hut, and sure enough
there were five wives.
The two men sat outside the hut and talked.
The missionery said "You are violating a law of God.
Man can only have one wife, so you must go and tell
four of those women that they can no longer live here
or consider you their husband."

The native thought a few moments, then said, "I'll wait
here. You tell 'em."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Pot Holders Under Plants to Protect Furniture
Use pot holders under plants to protect your furniture. 
I use the ones with the rubber side. I try to get a pot holder 
the size of the planter. Sit the plant on the cloth side and 
put the rubber side next to the furniture. It will absorb 
any leaks or spills and not go through on the furniture.

By Wanda S. from Climax, NC

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've
got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily
newspapers every morning."

Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that."

The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any
papers!"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


a] The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.

 On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and
also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or
Americans.

[c] Conclusion: Eat what you like. It's speaking
English that kills you.

That reminds me.....

Because of the anti-smoking propaganda and restrictive
laws, the percentage of the population that smokes has
decreased. Now, if there was any relation between
smoking and cancer, the percentage of people who get
cancer should theoretically have decreased at exactly
the same rate.

It didn't. It INCREASED!

OK, so what HAS increased at the same rate as cancer ?
Taxes on tobacco products.
Kinda makes you think, eh ?





 »  Mythical Creatures

A little boy runs up to his mother and shouts, "Mommy!
Mommy!  I want to be a drummer when I grow up!"

The mother sweetly replies, "You can't do BOTH."

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100821-063433 2010-08-21T00:00:00Z 2010-08-21T00:00:00Z Is 10" big enough?




   
Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, August 20, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The principal mark of genius is not perfection
but originality, the opening of new frontiers.
--- Arthur Koestler

"You don't get to choose how you're going to die.
Or when.
You can only decide how you're going to live.  Now."
--- Joan Baez


A New Yorker was being shown around the back country
of Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an
alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
he asked.

The cousin smirked, "Depends on how fast ya carry it."


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can download the book right NOW!
Food for Wealth


Nancy doesn't go to church much anymore.
She joined the Seventh Day Absentists.

That seems to be a very popuar religion these days!


From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach
Free for a very limited time. 
If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me. 

The ad is safe. No virus or malware will attack you.
It forwards through a perfectly harmless click counter. 
That is nothing to worry about, even if a child-safe setting
on your browser freaks out. 


Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me 
$136,808 per month....It probably won't make you $136,808 
every month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY 
to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal !

I can give it to you today for FREE


Thank you so much for your time!

Dwayne

  By the way, that is not a $250 ad,   
  not even a $10 for subscribers only ad. But if you subscribe   
  to Dwayne's newsletter, even without ever buying anything,   
  and even if you unsubscribe next week,    
  then they pay me for a small, plain black coffee.   
  These days that really helps!  
  Thanks  
  DearWebby  


While my son was on board the Navy carrier USS GEORGE
WASHINGTON, the air wing was busy with training
missions. After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic
controller accidentally left his microphone on and
remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just
like Elmer Fudd."

The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened,
realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment.
After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence
by announcing, "Be vewy, vewy quiet. We awe
hunting submawenes."


Thanks to Sandie for this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version
Havasu Falls

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Kevin Crockett, 25, in Cincinnatti

Bank robber drops wallet
CINCINNATI, Aug. 18 (UPI) -- A Cincinnati bank robber allegedly 
ran away so fast he dropped his wallet, stained from an 
exploding dye pack inside a stolen bag of money, police say.

Kevin Crockett, 25, and an accomplice allegedly stole an 
undetermined amount of money July 29 from Key Bank before 
dropping the loot -- along with his wallet -- and fleeing the 
scene before officers could respond, The Kentucky Post 
reported Wednesday.

Police say they found the money bag and Crockett's wallet 
on the sidewalk. Both had been stained from an exploding 
dye pack a teller had inserted into bag, The Cincinnati Enquirer said.

Police arrested Crockett Tuesday. He was arraigned Wednesday, 
charged with one count of robbery and given $75,000 bond, 
WLWT-TV, Cincinnati, reported.

Crockett was released from prison in 2007, having served time on 
a bank robbery conviction.

An accomplice remained at large, police said.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Amanda
Re: Is 10 inch big enough?

Dear Webby
A cousin wants to sell his 10" notebook to my daughter to use
at college. He claims it is wide screen and plenty good enough,
and that young girls have no problem reading small stuff.
Somehow I have some doubts, partly because of who he is,
so I want to ask you. Is a 10" wide screen good enough for
college and worth $300?
Amanda

Dear Amanda
The answers are NO, and NO.
That 10" wide screen monitor is only 600 dots high. Even using
the tiniest font and a hand held magnifying glass, it is simply not
good enough for what they do in college nowadays.

For $300 she can buy a very good used 15" laptop that will
be just fine for college.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The late night news used to broadcast this message:
"It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?

In Canada they say:
"It's 11 o'clock. Do you kow where the beer is?"

In England they say:
"Its 11 o'clock. Do you know where your wife is?

In France they say "It's 11o'clock. Do you know where
your husband is?"

In California they say:" Its 11 o'clock do you know
how high you are?"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Pot Holders Under Plants to Protect Furniture
Use pot holders under plants to protect your furniture. 
I use the ones with the rubber side. I try to get a pot holder 
the size of the planter. Sit the plant on the cloth side and 
put the rubber side next to the furniture. It will absorb 
any leaks or spills and not go through on the furniture.

By Wanda S. from Climax, NC

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The plane was only half-full. When an attractive young
woman asked if the seat next to mine was free, my male
ego soared. Soon we were chatting pleasantly, and she
told me it was her first flight.

"Mom said to sit next to someone I thought I could
trust," she confessed nervously. "And you look just
like my grandpa."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


When Lisa noticed a broken vise grip in the trash can,
she decided to buy her husband a new one for his
birthday. She went to the hardware store and asked the
salesman, "Do you have any heavy-duty vise grips?"

"Sorry, ma'am," he replied. "I had to give them all up when
I got married."





 »  Pencil Tip Sculptures

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100820-050853 2010-08-20T00:00:00Z 2010-08-20T00:00:00Z Web of Trust false warnings




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, August 19, 2010

The task ahead of us is never as great
as the power behind us.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and
astonish the rest."
--- Mark Twain

"It is better to give than receive...especially advice."
-- Mark Twain


You can compress the diameter of a rolled up sleeping
bag by running over it with your car. Tempting as it may be
to "just-do-it", it IS considered good manners to tell your
mother-in-law to get out of her sleeping bag before
that procedure.


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can download the book right NOW!
Food for Wealth


There is this American tourist on a trip around
Ireland. When the tour arrives at Belfast he decides
to go for a stroll with the aim of taking in this
new culture.  After he's been walking for a while
someone rushes up behind him and sticks a gun in his
back.

The person says to the tourist, "What are you,
Catholic or Protestant?"

The American thinks to himself "Great -- if I say
I'm Catholic, this guy is sure to be Protestant.
If I say I'm Protestant, he's sure to be Catholic.
Either way I'm dead."  Then he has a brain wave
and says to the guy, "Actually I'm Jewish."  This,
he thinks to himself, will surely keep him safe.

The guy behind him then replies, "Gee, I must be
the luckiest Arab in Ireland."


From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach
Free for a very limited time. 
If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me. 

The ad is safe. No virus or malware will attack you.
It forwards through a perfectly harmless click counter. 
That is nothing to worry about, even if a child-safe setting
on your browser freaks out. 


Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me 
$136,808 per month....It probably won't make you $136,808 
every month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY 
to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal !

I can give it to you today for FREE


Thank you so much for your time!

Dwayne



Charlie was a regular visitor at the racetrack.
One afternoon he noticed an unusual site.
Right before the first race, a Catholic Priest
visited one of the horses in the stable area
and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the
horse race very carefully, and, sure enough,
the blessed horse came in first!

Charlie followed the Priest before the next race.
Again, the Priest went to the stables and blessed
another horse.  Charlie quickly put two dollars
on that horse and won close to fifty bucks!

The Priest kept blessing horses and Charlie
kept betting on them and they won!

The last race of the day was the biggest and
Charlie saw the Priest with that horse, also!
He quickly went to his bank and withdrew his
life's savings of $20,000, went back to the
racetrack and put it all on that horse!  He
watched the race in certain anticipation of
leaving a millionaire!  The horse was last to
cross the line and Charlie was dead broke!

He couldn't believe what happened so he went
looking for the Priest. He found the man and
asked, "What happened to that last horse you
blessed?  Because your blessing didn't work,
I've lost all of my money!"

The Priest said, "That's the trouble with you
Protestants.  You can't tell the difference
between a blessing and the Last Rites!"




Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Duane Bush, 61, in Bethany, NY

DWI suspect drove 11 miles with missing tire
BETHANY, N.Y. (AP) - Authorities said a western New York man 
whose license expired 33 years ago has been charged with 
driving while intoxicated after police said he drove a van 11 
miles without one of its tires. The Genesee County Sheriff's 
Office said another motorist reported seeing a tire falling off 
a van weaving on a road in Bethany late Monday night.

Deputies later arrested 61-year-old Duane Bush at his home in 
Bethany, 32 miles southwest of Rochester. Deputies said the 
van traveled 11 miles through the rural town without a rear right tire.

Bush was charged with aggravated DWI and unlicensed operation 
of a motor vehicle. Deputies said his blood-alcohol level was 
more than three times above the legal limit of .08 percent.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Bob
Re: WOB

Dear Webby
Mozilla has WOB (web of trust) that rates sites in a number of 
ways. Dwayne's ad of $136808 per month rates very poor with 
warnings against going to this site.  Do you check the honesty 
of the ads you place?
Bob

Dear Bob
Read the ad.
It's all about FREE stuff. 
Good and valuable information. 

That silly WOB program just sees a dollar sign and numbers, 
and jumps to wacky confusions.
Don't use crap like that as a substitute for thinking!

Of course there is going to be money mentioned when you
go to learn about making money. If you have some religious
reasons against money, or worries, that a few thousand bucks
a month would mess with your pension, then don't go there.

However, if somebody is interested in making some extra cash,
then the free information at that link is a good place to start.
If they want to go further and spend five bucks, AFTER they
have read the free information, that is entirely up to them.

By then, they will be able to make an informed choice 
THEMSELVES, not have their future decided for them by some 
wacky dogooder program.

Some of those silly dogooder programs even put up warnings
if a link goes through a counter, indicating that somebody 
might make a few cents per 1000 clicks. That could be helping 
somebody pay their bills and that might be against your religion, 
even though it does not cost you anything.

That kind of paranoia doesn't get you anywhere. 
And if everybody thought that way, the Hunger Site and the
Breast Cancer support site would have to shut down.

With Dwayne's site, if you subscribe to his free newsletter,
without spending a single penny of your money, I get a few
in a month. Since I don't have a fixed income or salary, every
penny helps in this currently messed up economy. So, if you
DO get a chance to help me out without having to spend any 
money, please do! I appreciate it!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A robber went to the bank and pointed a gun on the
cashier and said, "Give me all your money, or you'll
be GEOGRAPHY!"
The cashier laughed and said, "You mean to say
HISTORY."
The burglar answered, "Dangit, don't change the
*subject*!"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Buy Flannel at Thrift Stores
This is the time of the year when the thrift stores have 
flannel sheets on sale for around a quarter. I just bought 
a couple more mismatched ones to sew into flannel PJ 
bottoms and nightgowns. Buying flannel in the sheets is 
much cheaper than paying the $8 a yard or more at Walmart!

By Mom-from-missouri from NW Missouri

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer,
"No, ma'am, we haven't had any for quite some time now,
and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any more."

Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over
to the customer who was walking out the door and said,
"That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some
soon. In fact, I personally placed an order for them
just a couple of days ago."

Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled,
"Never, never, never, never say we don't have something.
If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its
way.  Now, what was it she asked if we had any?"

"Muggers in the parking lot"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed
dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the
curb. When Bubba asked why he had been stopped, the
officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat
beside him.

"Does your dog have a license?" he asked.

"No way," Bubba said, "Ol' Blue don't need none.
He's getting too shortsighted fer doin' the drivin'."





 »  Rocky Mtn. Butterflies

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100819-045838 2010-08-19T00:00:00Z 2010-08-19T00:00:00Z JPG versus PNG




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, August 18, 2010

If people concentrated on the really important
things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
--- Doug Larson

I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I
don't always agree with them.
--- George Bush


A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles
shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!"
Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her,
"You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you
know."

"I know," said the child, "but the store is full of mothers."


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can download the book right NOW!
Food for Wealth


One evening a man was very impressed with the meat
entree his wife had served. "What did you marinate this in?" 
he asked.

His wife immediately went into a long explanation about
how much she loves him and how life wouldn't be the
same without him, etc.

Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt
her answer with a question of her own, "What did you ask me?"

She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought
you asked me if I would marry you again!"

As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you
marry me again?"

Without hesitation, she said, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce."


From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach
Free for a very limited time. 
If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me. 

Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me 
$136,808 per month....I don't know if it will make you $136,808 
per month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY 
to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal !

I can give it to you today for FREE
 


Thank you so much for your time!

Dwayne


For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at
long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask
her the most momentous of all questions:
"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a
bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when
one longs for the companionship of another being
 -- a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol;
whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who
will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will
share one's joys and sorrows."
To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes.
Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she
responded, "I think its a great idea!
Sure I can help you choose which puppy to buy!"


Thanks to Sandie for this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to a 40 year old bike rider in Hamilton, Ontario

Half naked bike rider arrested
HAMILTON - A Hamilton, Ont. man is facing several charges 
after taking an early-morning motorcycle ride wearing nothing 
but a T-shirt.

Police spotted the nearly-nude 40-year-old going down a city 
street dotted with shops and homes without a helmet at around 
4 a.m. on Sunday.

The man tried to get away once he saw an officer, momentarily 
losing control of his bike before steadying himself and 
speeding away.

Police caught up with the nearly nude man a short time later. 
He tried to flee on foot, but was arrested close to his home 
after a brief struggle.

Acting Staff Sgt. David Hennick said the man had been 
drinking, but was not impaired.

Despite his nudity, the pants-free rider was not charged 
with indecent exposure.

"No one else was around, it was just the officer and the 
accused," said Hennick.

"It is kind of bizarre," he chuckled.

The man faces several charges, including flight from police, 
dangerous driving and wat caused the police to notice him 
in the first place, failing to wear a helmet.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Gordon
Re: JPG versus PNG

Dear Webby
Can you please settle the debate here about whether to use
PNG or JPG for web sites?
Gordon

Dear Gordon
For pictures, that don't require perfection, for example jokes,
cartoons or funny pictures, JPG is good enough,
UNLESS you expect to have to edit it in the future.
A JPG suffers each time it is saved, edges get blurry and
"artifacts" (blemishes) appear.

However, if you won't have to touch it ever again, then the
good file size compression of JPG is a deciding factor.
Today's picture further up is a good example. 

When quality is important, and editing a possibility in the
future, then I prefer PNG. It saves with loss-less compression
and does not degrade each time it is saved.

A good example of that is Lillemor's rose. It definitely rates
PNG, and deserves the little bit of extra file size, that PNG
demands.


Click on the picture for the Large Version

There are other advantages to PNG as well. You can have
transparent sections in a PNG, same as with GIF, however,
that works only reliably with FireFox, Opera and Safari,
but not with all versions of IE. That means, it will depend
on your audience, whether you can use transparent sections
and fades overlapping text, that is "live" and line-wraps when
a browser's width is adjusted. If most of your visitors use
various versions of IE, forget the fancy stuff and stick with
JPG and GIF.

IE handles plain PNG files without transparencies and fades 
quite well. Just go easy on the fancy stuff.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


One day a housework-challenged husband decided
to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into
the laundry room, he shouted to his wife: "
What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Buy Flannel at Thrift Stores
This is the time of the year when the thrift stores have 
flannel sheets on sale for around a quarter. I just bought 
a couple more mismatched ones to sew into flannel PJ 
bottoms and nightgowns. Buying flannel in the sheets is 
much cheaper than paying the $8 a yard or more at Walmart!

By Mom-from-missouri from NW Missouri

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


At long last the good-humoured boss was compelled to
call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my
attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a
home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to
the doctor."

"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't
realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a
computer salesman?
A. The car salesman knows when he's lying to you.





 »  Buggy Stuff

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100818-053045 2010-08-18T00:00:00Z 2010-08-18T00:00:00Z How to play MP3




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I should warn you that underneath these clothes
I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
--- Robert Orben

"Advice is probably the only free thing
which people won't take."
--- Lothar Kaul

What you get free costs too much."
--- Jean Anouilh

"If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it,
it's counseling; if YOU can use either one,
it's a miracle."
--- Jack Adams


Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a
pretty girl asked: "I want to buy this material for a
new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only a kiss a yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine,"  replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticiPaddyion written all over his
face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the
cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up
the package and pointed to a little old lady standing
beside her.

"Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can download the book right NOW!
Food for Wealth


Colonel Jack: What's your name, driver?
Driver: Alfred, sir.
Colonel Jack: I always call my drivers by their
last names. What's your last name, driver?
Driver: It's Darling, sir.
Colonel Jack: Drive on, Alfred.


From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach
Free for a very limited time. 
If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me. 

Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me 
$136,808 per month....I don't know if it will make you $136,808 
per month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY 
to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal !

I can give it to you today here
 


Thank you so much for your time!

Dwayne


Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long
time, and when he was offered the job at the council
as a garbage collector he decided to take it up. On
his first day things were going great until he arrived
at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out
the front. Neville thought to himself,
"I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but
if they find out I missed one house then I will get
fired."

So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his
surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered.
Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the
other bloke, "Where's ya bin?"

The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays,"

Neville then said, "Na, maite, where's ya BIN?"

"I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply.

Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya blimey
idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?"

The other bloke looked round to see who might be
listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but
I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays, aiy!"


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Donelle Flores, 29, and Billy Evans, 24, 
now in Kern County California jail

Crooks visiting jail get to stay
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. -- Two people visiting someone in jail 
Thursday ended up behind bars themselves.

Donelle Flores, 29, and Billy Evans, 24, were visiting Lerdo 
Detentions Center on Lerdo Highway when they were arrested, 
according to the Kern County Sheriff's Office.

Flores was arrested when deputies discovered she was wanted 
on outstanding felony warrants. She was also found with three 
syringes, two pouches containing suspected methamphetamine, 
a pill case containing suspected marijuana, a handcuff key and 
a small knife.

Evans, who accompanied Flores to the jail, was arrested for 
being a felon on jail grounds and for receiving stolen property. 
He was in possession of checks that deputies suspect were stolen.

Both visitors were booked into the Kern County Jail. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Jai
Re: can't play MP3

Dear Webby
Question.  Someone sent me a WAV and a MP3 file.  I have 
attached them FYI. The only problem is they will not play on 
my lappie.  This is the message I get:
...This file does not have a program associated with it ...

She says Windows Media should play it, but it does not.

Any idea what to do with this, how to fix it?  I am very limited 
in my knowledge here....

Thanks a lot!
Jai

Dear Jai
They both play fine for me
Open the file Explorer
TOOLS
Folder Options
File Types

find mp3 and wav, and associate those types with Media Player or QuickTime
If you don't see MP3 in there, update Media Player.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Thanks to Dina for this one:
Soon after our last child left home for college, my
husband was resting next to me on the couch with his
head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses.

"You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your
glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I
married."

"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses,
you still look pretty good too!"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Plan Ahead When Shopping
Plan every shopping trip, especially those to the grocery store. 
Learn the prices of items, so you'll know what is a good buy 
and what isn't. The more coupons, the better prepared grocery 
list, the less that has to come out of our wallets. It's money 
that can be used for other purposes.
By Badwater from NV

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


They were burying Paddy today and the priest was
explaining to the congregation that before they could
put Paddy to rest, someone had to get up and say
something nice about Paddy, even though Paddy was a
drunk and a fighter and a crook and never paid back 
what he had borrowed. 
No one got up.

So the priest got up again and said,"Maybe I didn't
explain me-self properly. Before we can put Paddy in
his grave, one of us MUST get up and say something
nice about the man.It's our duty."

So as the priest sat down again,  in the
back pew got up, cleared the throat, and with hat in hand,
said,
"His brother was worse!".



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


Baseball in the Bible?

It all started "In the Big Inning."
Eve stole first. Adam stole second.
Abraham made a sacrifice.
Jacob struck out.
The prodigal son made a home run.
Everybody played baseball until the fall of the Roamin Umpire.





 »  Cape Town


Trishia is five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly
plump. After she had a minor accident, her sister
accompanied her to the emergency room. The triage
nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted
out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."

While the nurse pondered over this information,
her sister leaned over to her.
"Trishia," she gently chided, "This is not the Internet."

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100817-051111 2010-08-17T00:00:00Z 2010-08-17T00:00:00Z Realistic looking 3D contrast with digital pictures




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, August 16, 2010

You can complain because roses have thorns,
or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
--- Tom Wilson

But he that dares not grasp the thorn,
Should never crave the rose.
--- Anne Bronte 


"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an
embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when
my husband walked out during your sermon."

"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.

"It's not a reflection on you, sir," she insisted.
"Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was
a child."


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can download the book right NOW!
Food for Wealth


A group of women were talking together.  One woman
said, "Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40
on a Sunday."

Another said,  "That's nothing.  Sometimes our congregation
is down to six or seven."

A maiden lady in her seventies added her bit, "Why, it's
so bad in our church on Sundays that when the minister
says 'dearly beloved,' it makes me blush."


From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach
Free for a very limited time. 
If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me. 

Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me 
$136,808 per month....I don't know if it will make you $136,808 
per month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY 
to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal !

I can give it to you today here
 


Thank you so much for your time!

Dwayne


The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter
had done all the work on his house. "You did a great
job," he said and handed the man a check. "Also, in
order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to take the
missus out to dinner and a movie."

The painter thanked him and agreed to do that.

Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the
painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something he
asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?"

"Nope," replied the painter. "I'm a man of my word.
I'm here to take your missus out to dinner and a
movie like you asked."


Thanks to Guinn for this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to William Hussey, 22 from Chapel Hill, NC

Stuck in chimney
The Knoxville News Sentinel quoted Knoxville police who said 
a homeowner heard cries for help and traced them to her 
chimney early Friday.

Police found a sport utility vehicle abandoned with a door open 
in the road near the home. There were seven gasoline containers 
in it and a strong smell of petroleum coming from it.

Then, they found Hussey in the chimney of someone he didn’t 
know. Hussey is 22 and is from Chapel Hill, N.C.

The fire department used a rope to hoist him and he was taken to 
a hospital to be examined.

Police charged Hussey with public intoxication, vandalism and 
aggravated trespassing.

According to officers, Hussey had no believable explanation 
for why he was in the chimney.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharlene
Re: Portrait pictures

Dear Webby
You mentioned once, once upon a time, long, long ago,
what to do to take decent portrait pictures with a digital 
camera. Can you please tell us, or me anyway, once
more what needs to be done, to avoid that flat look?
Thanks
Sharlene

Dear Sharlene
First, the problem is not unique to digital cameras.
You probably have seen drawings of photographers from
hundred or more years ago, where the photographer was
holding up a flash pan as far as he could reach to the left 
and upward. That wasn't to avoid singing his hair when the
gunpowder and magnesium went off in the borrowed dust pan.

The reason for that stretching was to make the flash arrive
from an angle, and thereby produce some mose and cheek 
shadows, and result in a more 3D look.

If you do the same with a Slave Flash, held up and sideways
just like the photographers held the flash pan, then your 
pictures will be just as good.

Some cameras have a connector for a remote flash, but a lot
of them nowadays expect you to get a smart Slave Flash,
that gets triggered when it sees the flash on your camera.
That works quite well, if you are the only one taking picures.

Just glue or tape some white cardboard or plastic an inch 
in front of the camera flash, so that it will bounce over to
where you hold the Slave Flash.

Check with the manufacturer of your camera what brand
and model of flash they recommend to use with that camera.
Most are surprisingly cheap.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Thanks to Martin for this story:
I just applied for a building permit for a new house.

It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide with 9 turrets 
at various heights and windows all over the place and a 
loud outside entertainment sound system.
It would have parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint 
it snot green with titty pink trim.

The City Council told me to go to hell.

So I sent in the application again, but this time 
I called it a Mosque.

.........Work starts on Monday

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Freeze Jar Extras in Ice Cube Trays
Saving the contents of a partially opened can and other tips 
to use freezing certain condiments, spices and even garlic.

This one is really easy. Once you have opened a large jar 
of a product, usually it goes into the refrigerator, and 
sometimes spoils if you do not use it quickly enough. 
This applies to most canned goods, or other things 
that may only be used a certain amount of the time. 
By Bella S. from Forks, WA
more at ...
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke
warmly to the boy, "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your
mother for this lovely pie."

"If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested
nervously, "would you please thank her for two pies?"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


 A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed near a
local  gas station.  On its side were the letters
"UFO."
 The gas station attendant was stunned, but his
curiosity  got the best of him.
 "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?", he asked.
 "No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds.
 "It stands for 'Unleaded Fuel Only.' "





 »  Puppy Power


A pastor told his congregation that he was going to do
a 4 point message series over the next few  weeks.
Whatever word I end on", he told them, "I want you to
sing a song that  goes with that word".

The first week the word was Rock.  So the congregation
sang "Rock of Ages". 

The 2nd week the word was Assurance.  
So they sang "Blessed Assurance".

The 3rd week the word was Cross. 
They sang "At the Cross".

The 4th week the word was sex. The congregation was
baffled at what to sing.  Finally an 85 yr old woman
stood up from the back of the church and started singing
"Precious Memories".

Try singing that song next time without laughing.

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100816-061524 2010-08-16T00:00:00Z 2010-08-16T00:00:00Z Faked sender spam




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, August 15, 2010

Millions long for immortality 
who don't know what to do with themselves on a 
rainy Sunday afternoon.
--- Susan Ertz

Good enough never is.
--- Debbi Fields


Teacher: , use "defeat," "defense" and "detail"
in a sentence.

: The rabbit ran across the field, and defeat
went over defence before detail.


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can download the book right NOW!
Food for Wealth


A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being
cross-examined. The lawyer thundered,
"Have you ever been married ?"
"Yes, sir, once" said the witness in a low voice.
"Whom did you marry?"
"Well, a woman."
The lawyer said angrily,
"Of course you married a woman ! Did you ever hear of
anyone marrying a man ?"
The witness replied meekly, "I don't know about yours,
but I know my mother did."
--------------
That joke doesn't apply to California any more, where, 
to the sheer delight of divorce lawyers, 
same sex marriage, forbidden by popular vote, 
has been ruled to be legal by a federal judge, who does not
give a hoot about what the majority demanded.


From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach
Free for a very limited time. 
If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me. 

Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me 
$136,808 per month....I don't know if it will make you $136,808 
per month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY 
to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal :)

I can give it to you today here
 


Are you even a little bit curious to know what it is, that I want to give you?

Thank you so much for your time!

Dwayne


A number of new Air-Force recruits were being taken
on their first training flight. The plane had just
leveled out after taking off when one of the
engines seized up, and another began smoking badly.
Adjusting his parachute, the instructor strove for
nonchalance as he made his way to the hatch door.

"Now I want you men to keep perfectly calm," he
said, "while I go for help."




Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Kendl Murphy, 43, in Wethersfield, CT

Cocain found in bank deposit
Wethersfield police said the envelope Kendl Murphy, 43, used 
to make her deposit at the drive-up window of Rockville Bank 
at about 4 p.m. Thursday was found to contain a small bag of 
white powder, leading tellers to call police while the deposit 
was being processed, The Hartford (Conn.) Courant reported Friday.

Police Sgt. Scott Custer said a field test on the bag showed 
positive results for cocaine. He said Murphy admitted the 
cocaine was hers and told officers "something to the effect 
that it was left over from the weekend and she didn't realize 
she left it in that envelope."

Murphy, who police said was not under the influence of any 
substances at the time of the incident, was charged with 
possession of narcotics and released without bail.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharon
Re: Fake sender spam

Dear Webby;
I love the dog pic today. He is cute. Thanks for sending.
I am wondering about some mail trouble. I am getting messages 
about mail that doesn't get delivered to the receiver 
(undeliverable etc.) 1st of all I did not try sending anything to that 
contact because it is not someone I do know, nor is in my 
address book. Also it is usually mail I never sent, saw nor read 
(junk or inbox mail). Sometimes this same mail (not read) goes 
to other contacts that are in my address book. The mail is 
usually an ad for odd sites such as for meds etc . I use 
Superantispyware & Avast & run them at least once a week 
sometimes more. I know your mailwasher caught a few of 
them. Any tips on why this is happening & what I can do 
about it?  I'm not sure if it's happening in Hotmail or Gmail.
I sure appreciate your tips. Thanks so much.
Sharon  

Dear Sharon
That kind of spam is called "Fake Bounce".
They forge your address in as the sender, and send it to a 
guaranteed nonexistent address or full mailbox, so that it 
bounces back to you.

If you are a Hotmail or MSN user, they even forge in your name, 
AND they CC it to addresses from your address book. 

If you display the header in MailWasher, you can see that it 
was sent from a Hotmail or MSN address, but with a different 
IP number from yours. That has been going on for years.

The way to block that type of spam is to make a filter in 
MailWasher that dumps any mail pretending to come from you. 

If you are in the habit of sending mail to yourself, add an 
extra qualification to the filter, for example your IP number, 
if you have a fixed one. Or put a special mark like a ] at the 
begin of the subject line, whenever you send a mail to yourself, 
and then use that as a qualification.

If the FROM    CONTAINS (your address)
AND
the SUBJECT    DOES NOT CONTAIN  ]
THEN dump it, automatically, on the server, unseen.

Once you have made that filter, you will never see that type
of spam again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Joe:  I see you've lost weight since you started your
new job. Did your boss put you on a diet?"

Amy:  No, she put me on commission.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tips for Kids at Summertime
Here are some things kids can do over the summer:

    * Make flower beds, rock beds or hanging gardens.
    * Make pet rocks.
    * Have a garage sale and let kids make the signs.
    * Write down some good ideas and pick from a hat, like movies.
    * Enjoy events in your local community. 

The possibilities are endless, be sure to ask the kids what they would like to do.

By 123Helen from Senoia, GA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital
with an inflamed appendix.

The doctors operated and advised him that all was
well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something
pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it
might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him
about, he finally got enough energy to pull his
hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was
making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide
strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come
off. Writen in large black letters was the sentence.
"Get well quick..... from the nurse, whom you gave a
ticket to last week."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


The sheriff of a small town was also the town's
veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife
answered. An agitated voice inquired,
"Is your husband there?"

"Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a
vet?" the wife asked.

"Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth
open, and there's a burglar in it."





 »  Food Fun


Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is
looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that
has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all
over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that
has drips of purple paint streaked across it.

Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't
understand your paintings."

"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.

"You should try some Tums and eat properly!"

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100815-054327 2010-08-15T00:00:00Z 2010-08-15T00:00:00Z Queer links




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, August 14, 2010

Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.
--- Leo Rosten

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, 
but for real bona fide stupidity, 
there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.
--- Edward Abbey


An elderly woman had just returned to her home from
an evening church service when she was startled by an
intruder.  As she caught the man in the act of
robbing her home of it's valuables, she yelled,
"Stop!  Acts 2:38!"
(....repent and be baptized....) The burglar stopped
dead in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained what
she had done.   As the officer cuffed the man to take
him in, he asked the burglar,  "Why  did you
just stand there and not run away?  All the old lady did, 
was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture??"  replied the burglar, "Man, she said she
had an axe and two 38's!!!"


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can download the book right NOW!
Food for Wealth


Two women were trying on shoes in the store. 
When I slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, 
the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel.

Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started 
toward the mirror.  For a few seconds, I found myself 
crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her 
attention.

"Look, Martha," her friend said. "he wants to go
home with you!"


From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach
Free for a very limited time. 
If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me. 

Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me 
$136,808 per month....I don't know if it will make you $136,808 
per month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY 
to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal :)

I can give it to you today here
 


Are you even a little bit curious to know what it is, that I want to give you?

Thank you so much for your time!

Dwayne


A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:

 "Doctor, I have an ear ache."

2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root. That will be one
payment on my sandals, please."

1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer.
That will be one payment on my donkey, please."

1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this
potion. That will be one payment on my wagon, please."

1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow these
pills. That will be one payment on my Buick, please."

1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this
antibiotic. That will be one payment on my Mercedes, please."

2002 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial.  Here, eat
this root! That will be one payment on my yacht, please."




Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Desmond McKenna, 44, in manchester, England

The mugger who apologised to his victims is 
jailed for robbery
He carried out a string of vicious robberies across Manchester 
using a Rambo-style hunting knife, but was dubbed ‘Saint Des’ 
because he kept saying sorry to his victims.

In one audacious raid McKeena, 44, ordered a petrified building 
society cashier to hand over cash totalling £1,067, but added: 
‘I know I'm going to get caught and I'll pay for everything I've 
done. I'm sorry for doing that.’

In another robbery he said ‘sorry love,’ as he threatened his 
victim with his huge knife.

However, his apologies were brushed aside by Judge Martin 
Rudland at Manchester Crown Court, who told him: 'The risk 
you pose is acute and overwhelming.' 

McKenna, of Old Trafford, was sentenced to serve six years 
before being considered for parole.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Barbara
Re: Queer links

Dear Webby
Is there any way to force links to be underlined, even if some
nuisance queer "designer" hid the underline, that shows when
some text is a link? It really annoys me, especially when those
queers then use underline instead of bold on text, that
is not a link, and have SOME links, for example in ads on 
the side, underlined like honest links.
Thanks
Barbara

Dear Barbara
Unfortunately the only solution is to write to the owner of 
the site, and tell them about it. Quite often they are not
aware of the problem, and will gladly tell the "designer" to
follow accepted standards and not try to push some weird
concept just to show, that she or he is "different".

If they have a forum, don't be shy! Quite likely you will
trigger quite a storm from people who feel like you do.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A man was being proselytized by group of friends:
"Come join our study group. We want to discuss
mankind's relationship to God."
"I'm married; I learned long ago that my opinions
don't matter."
"But, when you die, will you go to heaven or to hell?"
"Wherever my wife tells me to."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Paper Towels as Packing Material
When packing household items to move I use paper towels, the 
recycled kind. When I unpack, I reuse the paper towels for 
cleaning jobs!
By Kate from Gainesville, FL
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Three couples are in line at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter says to the first  couple, "Sorry, I can't
let you in."
"Why not?" asked the husband.
"Because all the two of you  ever cared about was
drinking. You were either stone drunk or hung over.
You didn't have a sober day in your marriage." said
St. Peter.
"That's not true!" pleaded the couple.
"Really, now." said St. Peter. "What's your wife's
name?" "Sherry", said the man
"See, you even married a woman named after a drink!"
said St. Peter just as he released a trap door, sending
them straight down to hell.

Then he a told the second couple they couldn't get in
to Heaven, either.
"Why not?" asked the second husband.
"Because all you ever cared about was making money, and
you didn't care  how you did it. You would cheat
anybody, anytime to make your fortune."  said St.
Peter. "You even cheated your own brothers and sisters
out of their inheritance!"
"That's not true!" pleaded the husband.
"Oh,  really?" queried St. Peter "What's your wife's
name?"
"Penny", said the husband. "See?" said St. Peter,
"You even  have wife named after money."
At which  point he released the trap door sending them
down to hell.

The third husband, grinning, said to his wife,
"Well, Fanny, I'm sure glad we were not interested in
booze or money!"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot
and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not at all try to understand her.





 »  Utah in 3D


Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual
checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything
unusual he should know about.

That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that
he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk
just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when
he went to get ready for a wedding recently.

The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there.
You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt."

"That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single
pound since the last time I wore it."

"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of
Furniture Disease."

"What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked.

"Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage
in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your
drawers."

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100814-055830 2010-08-14T00:00:00Z 2010-08-14T00:00:00Z How difficult are those online back-ups?




   
Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, August 13, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss 
will add it to your regular duties.
--- Doug Larson

I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.
--- Adrienne E. Gusoff


Thanks to Dianne for this story:
one time Dad was driving Mom's Pinto, I was in the passenger's 
seat and Eric, 5 at the time, was standing between my legs, 
watching out the windshield. We were traveling thru one of 
those old iron bridges. The ones with a wooden floor, 
cross wises, and raised ones for the wheels to ride on, 
length wise. The Pinto slipped off the boards, did a 180, 
and we rolled out the other end of the bridge, facing the 
wrong direction. Did not make contact with the bridge. 

Eric, between my legs, is jumping up and down, yelling, 
"Do it again!"


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can download the book right NOW!
Food for Wealth


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
On a long drive from Virginia, I thought I was traveling at a 
reasonable speed, but the flashing blue lights in my rear
view mirror made me realize that I'd been over the limit. 

I handed the officer my license and made small talk while my 
wife dug through the glove compartment for the registration. 

"I'm usually very careful about my speed," I told him as my 
wife handed me the paperwork. 

The officer studied it and then gave it back. "Sir," he said gruffly, 
"this is not your registration." 

It was a warning ticket I had received for speeding in South 
Carolina.





Become A Fat Burning Furnace
 
Learn quickly how to switch your body to burning fat,
 
instead of storing it. This method of burning fat is quite legit,
 
and it works, even on me!

It is a simple method, not a diet or pills.

Especially if you or a family member is a diabetic or has any

problem controlling weight permanently, grab this book!

You deserve it! Go for it!!

A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted
to be dismissed from serving. He was trying every
excuse in the world, trying to get out of it but none
of them worked.

On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more
shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if
he could approach the bench.

"Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this
trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant.
I took one look at the man in the Grey suit with
those shifty eyes and that dishonest face and I said,
"He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty." So your
Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!"

With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back
in the jury box. That's his lawyer."




Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Debra Langham, 51 in Lindale, Texas

Wrong Number Connects Drug Seller With Police
It turned out to be the wrong number the 51-year-old Lindale 
woman was texting looking for a buyer for her marijuana.

Instead of making a drug deal, she was arrested by the Smith 
County Sheriff’s undercover narcotics team, who she unknowingly 
had been texting.

Debra Langham was arrested Tuesday and charged with felony 
possession of marijuana after she set up a deal to meet ‘the buyer” 
at a location on West Gentry Parkway.

Lt. Tony Dana said Ms. Langham began texting an employee 
of the sheriff’s office a couple of weeks ago about a possible 
marijuana buy.

“At the time our narcotics team was really busy and we just 
couldn’t get to it, but she started texting again Monday and 
the officers got involved and played along with the texts,” he said.

Dana said Ms. Langham told the deputies what kind of vehicle 
she would be driving and where to meet her and at what time.

“The narcotics officers sat in a position where they could see 
her if she did show up and when she did they waited until she 
left the parking lot to have a marked unit conduct a traffic 
stop,” he said.

What deputies found inside the car was half a pound of 
marijuana, valued at $400.

Dana said Ms. Langham was charged and taken to the Smith 
County Jail where she was later released on a $5,000 bond.

“This all happened because apparently she put in the wrong 
number to text when this all began several weeks ago,” he said.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Mark
Re: How difficult are those online back-ups?

Dear Webby
How difficult are those online back-ups? And how expensive 
are they? Do all of them suddenly get outrageous if you 
accidentally go over some limit? And, how expensive is a
reasonable one?
Thanks
Mark

Dear Mark
The one I recommend is Mozy. 
Lucille, a friend and client from http://couple-or-not.com
installed Mozy just using her text to speech reader. She can't
see. Then half a year later she switched ISPs and got a new
address. At about the same time, her compter died and she
needed a new one. 

With any program except Mozy, that would have spelled total
disaster. Think about it! How do you identify yourself and get
YOUR back-up, if you have a different address?

I sent a quick note to James, the CEO of Mozy, and he himself
called Lucille and talked her step by step over the phone
through getting re-connected with her back-up. 

Your second question about limits:
With Mozy you get 2 GB free, 
or unlimited space for $4.95 a month, with a month free if
you pay for a year. If you get a year's worth before the
end of August through my link at http://webby.com/mozy,
then I can get you an additional 10% discount.

If you go directly to http://mozy.com, you won't get that
discount. Just tell me before you sign up, and I will give
you the discount code for that day.

Once you are signed up for the unlimited, you too can apply 
to become an affiliate and get discounts for YOUR friends.

If you use the free 2 GB limited version, you don't get 
suddenly charged if you go over that limit. You simply hit a
wall and can't go over that.

With the unlimited version, of course, there is no limit at
all to worry about. However, if you are backing up 4 TeraBytes
of pictures and music, your local ISP might get unhappy
about that, plus a big upload like that with automatic updating,
will probably slow down your computer, whenever it is doing
the scheduled updating of the back-up. 

Most people can fit their important and irreplaceable stuff 
into about 5 - 10 GB. That normally updates during your 
lunch time.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


When a physician remarked on a new patient's
extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said,
"High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."

"Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked.

"Neither," he replied.  "It's from my wife's family."

"Oh, come now," said the doctor, "How could your wife's
family give you high blood pressure?"

He sighed.  "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Reuse Plastic Cupcake Trays to Start Seeds
Use cupcake trays from the grocery store bakery for mini 
greenhouse to start plant seeds in. Each cake compartment 
holds a peat seed starter pot nicely. All you need to do is 
use a soldering iron to melt some drainage holes and a 
couple vent holes on top. Use peat seed starter pots in 
each cake compartment. When plants get bigger just 
remove the peat pots and reuse your cupcake greenhouse 
over and over.

By Kim from KS
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Be generous with the vent holes!
Best is one horizontal row of holes near the bottom on one 
side of the bottom tray to pull air in, 
and a vertical row of holes or slots on the opposite side, 
in the cover only. Make a triangle from cardboard or clear
plastic and a scotch tape sleeve to hold it. Dull the scotch tape
where it touches the triangle, so that you can move the triangle
to adjust the temperature. If the top holes are covered and 
only the lower holes open, it gets a lot hotter inside. With the
bottom holes covered and the top holes open, it won't overheat.
That method is a lot safer than propping the lid up, and risk
having the wind catch it and toss it all over the balcony.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:




Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


A man entered a barbershop and said, "I am tired of
looking like everyone else. I want a change. Part my
hair from ear to ear!"

The barber nodded and said, "Are you sure?" His
customer said, "yes," so the barber did as he was
told, and the satisfied gentleman left the shop a
happy man.

Three hours passed and the man reentered the barber
shop. "Put it back the way it was," hesaid.

"What's the matter?" said the barber. "Are you tired
of being a non-conformist already?"
"No," the customer replied,
"I'm tired of people whispering at my nose."





 »  Unbelievable

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100813-062050 2010-08-13T00:00:00Z 2010-08-13T00:00:00Z Yahoo's Digital PMS




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, August 12, 2010

Most people would succeed in small things
if they were not troubled with great ambitions.
--- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able
to entertain a thought without accepting it."
--- Aristotle


Six-year-old Jay's father was a rector in a small
church. One day, his father told Jay that a very
important bishop was coming and that he would be
staying with them.  Jay became very excited and asked
his father if he would get to meet the bishop.

His father thought about this and decided that he would
let Jay bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake
him up. Jay was very excited about the opportunity to
do this.

His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the
door of the bishop's room and then say to him, "It's
the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up."

Jay was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating
them over and over.

Finally, morning came and Jay rehearsed his lines.
He went to the door and knocked.  He was so excited
and nervous though, that his lines got mixed up and Jay
said,
"It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can download the book right NOW!
Food for Wealth


A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on
the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe
everything your child says happens at school, I'll
promise not to believe everything he says happens at
home.


A grandmother came by to show off her just bought Pontiac
Grand Am. The eight-year-old granddaughter took one look at
the car and indignantly proclaimed,
"They spelled grandma wrong!"




Become A Fat Burning Furnace Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
Learn quickly how to switch your body to burning fat,
 
instead of storing it. This method of burning fat is quite legit, 
and it works, even on me!

It is a simple method, not a diet or pills.

Especially if you or a family member is a diabetic or has any

problem controlling weight permanently, grab this book!

You deserve it! Go for it!!

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor
and she was eager to help. One day during recess she
noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a
playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a
game of soccer at the other.

Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.

The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl
was in the same spot, still by herself.

Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me
to be your friend?"
The girl hesitated, gave her a very suspicious look
and then said, "Okay".

Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked,
"Why are you standing here all alone?"
"Because," the little girl said with great
exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"




Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Richard Baker, 48,

Asked cops to search the house
A Jefferson County man standing wrapped only in a towel in his front 
yard was arrested this morning, but not because he was near naked.
Fearing someone was in his house, the man asked Jefferson County 
sheriff's deputies to search the home. 
When they did, they found a pound of marijuana.

"Deputies found no signs of an intruder in the house, and little sign 
of intelligence outside the house," said Chief Deputy Randy Christian.

A passerby called deputies about 4:15 a.m. to report a man was 
standing naked in the road in the 2200 block of Old Springville 
Road. 

They arrived to find Richard Baker, 48, cloaked in a towel. 
He told authorities someone was in his house trying to rob 
him and asked they go inside and look for the bad guy.

When deputies entered the home, Christian said, they 
immediately smelled marijuana and spotted a plastic grocery 
bag containing six sandwich bags, each filled with the pot.

The total weight was about one pound with a value of between 
$800 to $1,000.

Baker was arrested for first-degree possession of marijuana 
and possession of drug paraphernalia.

He is in the county jail with bond set at $21,000.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ellen
Re: Yahoo on PMS?

Dear Webby
A few days ago various subscriptions stopped showing up
in my Yahoo mail, except for those sent from Yahoo groups.
Is this going to be another two month problem, until everything
starts showing up again on it's own, or is there something 
I can do about it?
Ellen

Dear Ellen
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it. It's just
a Yahoo tradition. Some day some of your subscriptions will 
show up again. Those are the ones, where bounces don't get
dropped from the list. Some newsletters never weed out their
lists, and they still send daily letters to people who died 
fifteen years ago. It makes for impressive numbers, but is
just a waste of bandwidth.

Those won't drop you from their lists, but the properly run
newsletter operators will unsubscribe you, if your address
bounces. There is no way to tell whether you graduated,
died, or if Yahoo has digital PMS.

So, when some newsletters start showing up again, subscribe
to the Humor Letter again.

In the meantime, you can read it online at 
http://webby.com/humor,
and drag the little icon at the left side of the browser address
bar onto an empty corner on your desktop. That will give you
a shortcut to it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


An optometrist was instructing a new employee
on how to charge a customer:
"As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how
much they cost, you say '$275.' ...
If his eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames.
The lenses will be $250.'...
If his eyes still don't flutter, you add ...'Each.'

----
Looks like I better learn to flutter my eyes!


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Fabric Paint to Create Non-slip Surfaces
I use a few dabs of fabric paint (the puff paint 3D type) for 
non-slip items. Make sure to let them dry before use. You 
can draw designs on the bottoms of knitted slippers so it's 
not slippery.

You can make coasters with recycled CDs, felt, and dabs 
of paint on bottom. It won't move around on you! Add a few 
stripes to the soles of slippery tennis shoes or flip flops. 
Or add it to the bottom of slipping cutting boards. 
Use your imagination, the possibilities are endless.

By Becca25 from NY

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The finance committee of our church refuses to provide
funds for the purchase of a chandelier, because none of
the members knows how to play one.


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, 
just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


A third grade teacher asked her class:
"I'd like you to be very quiet today. I've got a
dreadful headache."
"Excuse me," said little , "why don't you do
what my mom does when she has a hangover?"
"What's that?" asked the teacher.
"She sends us outside to play."





 »  Unbelievable

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100812-064339 2010-08-12T00:00:00Z 2010-08-12T00:00:00Z Password keeper




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, August 11, 2010

What happens to a man is less significant
than what happens within him.
--- Louis L. Mann

Nothing in life is so hard that you can't
make it easier by the way you take it.
--- Ellen Glasgow

PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent
visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the
machine and the spirits of the audience.
--- Ambrose Bierce

One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway
near Chicago.  When he turned onto the street at the
end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place
getting into her car.  The driver placed the bucket of
chicken on top of her car, got in and drove off with
the bucket still on top of her car.

So the trooper decided to pull her over and perform a
community service by giving the driver her chicken.
He pulled her over, walked up to the car, pulled
the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver.

The driver looked at the trooper and said,
"No thanks, I just bought some."


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can download the book right NOW!
Food for Wealth


The police recently busted a man selling tablets
that he claimed stopped aging..
When going through their files they noticed it was the
fourth time he was caught for doing this.
He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856 and 1928.


Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was
astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes
available at the local sports shoe store.

While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he
noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.

"What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?"

"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your
wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."



Become A Fat Burning Furnace

  Click Here! Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
Learn quickly how to switch your body to burning fat,
 
instead of storing it. This method of burning fat is quite legit, 
and it works, even on me!

It is a simple method, not a diet or pills.

Especially if you or a family member is a diabetic or has any

problem controlling weight permanently, grab this book!

You deserve it! Go for it!!

"Recently we got a call from that big white church at
11th and Walnut," the paramedic said.  "A frantic usher
was very concerned that during the sermon an elderly
man passed out in a pew and appeared to be dead.  The
usher could find no pulse and there was no noticeable
breathing."

"What was so unusual and demanding about this
particular call?" the interviewer asked.

"Well," the paramedic said, "we carried out four guys
before we found the one who was dead."


Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Melodi Dushane, 24, of East Toledo, Ohio

McNugget Rampage
Video of rampage
Melodi Dushane, a 24-year-old woman from East Toledo, Ohio, 
became enraged earlier this year when she was told that she 
couldn't buy McNuggets at 6:30 a.m. because her local 
McDonalds restaurants was serving breakfast only.

Duchane went berserk, attacked two McDonalds employees and
smashed a window before driving off.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Abraham
Re: Password keeper

Dear Webby
Since it is too easy to crack the browser's password keeper,
as my 12 year old daughter showed me, when she retrieved
my FaceBook password for me, I need something more solid.

I know you got RoboForm in the side menu. How safe is that,
and do I get it cheaper, if I go directly to their site?
Abraham

Dear Abraham
RoboForm is rock solid and perfectly safe. It is the Industry
standard for password keepers.FireFox, IE, and most other
browsers have simple plug-ins for it, that make RoboForm
act like it was an integral part of the browser.

Regarding the cost: If you use my link to RoboForm,
you bypass all the rigmarole and get the home version free,
without any fuss. You immediately get the "Save" pop-up
asking you where to save it to. 

It is free, and I just carry the link to their no-fuss back 
door as a public service, like almost all links there.

If you need to track many hundreds of passwords for clients, 
like I do, you can upgrade to the PRO version, without losing
any of the stored passwords and user names and comments.

Transferring RoboForm to another machine is simple and easy,
and with their GoodSync you can even automatically synchronize
other machines on the same network.

Most likely the free home version of RoboForm is more than good 
enough for what you need.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A southern Belle  arrived a the church rather late,
just as the congregation was rushing to their cars.

"Is - M-ass out?" she panted to one of the dowagers.

"No, child, but your skirt IS a little short," she replied.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Discolored Stainless Steel Pans
I find that using liquid bleach on the inside of my 
stainless steel pans removes tea stains immediately. 
You can add a little water if you'd like, but I just 
pour a small amount in the pan, swirl it around 
and dump it into the next pan with the stains. 
It works great. I rinse the clean pan immediately 
so the bleaching will stop right away.

By BonsterBonnie from MD

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Mark, went into a convenience store to prepay for
gasoline and  returned with two plastic bottles of
soda.  As he filled the tank, his wife opened a bottle.
To her dismay it fizzed and foamed all over her lap.
Several miles down the road, Mark asked for his soda.

Handing it to him, She warned, "Be careful.  These are
really over-carbonated."
But when Mark opened his bottle, it barely hissed.
Eyes on the road, he nonchalantly said, "You must have
gotten the one I dropped."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams.

"Every night," the man said, "I dream that
these three hideous monsters are sitting
on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me."

"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can
cure you of this problem. But the treatment
will be costly. I charge $200 per weekly
session and it may take a couple of years
to solve your problem."

"Two hundred dollars per session!" the man
gasped. "Never mind getting rid of the
monsters, Doctor. I think I will give that
bed to my mother-in-law. That will fix
their wagon!"





 »  Pavement Art

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100811-060802 2010-08-11T00:00:00Z 2010-08-11T00:00:00Z Bot not crypted




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Human beings are the only creatures 
that allow their children to come back home.
--- Bill Cosby

Good taste is the worst vice ever invented.
--- Edith Sitwell


A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar
voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked,
"Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely.
"In fact, there are three doctors there already!"


Two social workers were walking through a rough
part of the city in the evening.
They heard moans and muted cries for help from
a back lane.
Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious
man in a pool of blood.
"Help me, I've been mugged and beaten", he pleaded.
The two social workers turned and walked away.
One remarked to his colleague: "You know the
person that did this *really* needs help. We'll
have to do a study in fall, when it's not so hot,
and file a report."


At Sunday school, the teacher asked ,
"Do you know where little boys and girls go when they
do bad things?"

"Sure,"  replied. "They go out into the bushes in
the back of the church yard."


Looks like nobody wants to become a famous blogger and make money,
so that ad is gone. I still have the information, in case you change your
mind.


Become A Fat Burning Furnace

  Click Here! Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
This method of burning fat is quite legit, and it works,
 
even on me!

It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Especially if you or a family member is a diabetic or has any

problem controlling weight permanently, grab this book!

It is well worth it Go for it!!

"We have women in the military, but they don't put us
in the front lines.  They don't know if we can fight
or if we can kill.  I think we can.  All the general
has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see
the enemy over there?  They say you look fat in those
uniforms.'"
--- Elayne Boosler


Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version
Flounder: 190 KG (418 lb)
Caught by a 10 year old kid in 2 hours

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Justine Locker in Chessington, England

Mermaid too good looking
 Aquarium bosses have put a bikini on an underwater statue 
 of a mermaid - because her boobs were attracting more 
 attention than the fish.

Staff at Sea Life Chessington said they noticed many young 
male visitors to their underwater tunnel were not giving the 
marine life their full attention.

So in a bid to save the mermaid's modesty and get visitors 
concentrating on the fish again, a diver was dispatched to 
cover the statue's breasts with a bikini.

Manager Justine Locker said: "It's a bit of a mistake on our 
part. We hadn't noticed quite how buxom Sally was until we 
clocked young boys, and not so young boys, spending a lot 
of time ogling her in the walkthrough ocean tunnel.

They didn't have the class to use sea shells to hide the fact
that the ancient mermaid looked so much better than the 
manager, they used some bright, gaudy cloth to really make
everybody stop and stare.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Pat
Re: Bot not crypted

Dear Webby
Thoroughly enjoy the daily http://webby.com/humor – thanks 
for producing and sharing it.
 
Recently (in the past two weeks) when I reboot my desktop PC 
(Windows XP Home) I get a message: ‘BOT NOT CRYPTED.’  
Nothing else on the alert.
 
I ran a full CA scan that didn’t address the problem.  Found 
a couple of recent references on the net (all within a day 
or two) so my machine isn’t alone with this problem.
 
Also, which internet security do you suggest?  CA did an 
‘upgrade’ several weeks ago and installed all sorts of junk 
I don’t want that appear to be slowing my already slow 
computer.  I won’t use Norton – had a bad experience with 
them a few years ago when a virus slipped through and their 
tech support had no idea how to get rid of it and still charged 
me $99 for their efforts.
 
Any ideas/insights?  THANKS!
 
Be safe,
Pat 

Dear Pat
I use McAfee.
Norton or CA are not good enough for me.
Not good enough for you either, as you found out the hard way.

I don't know if McAfee shielded me from that "bot not crypted" 
stuff, or whether I simply did not go as far onto the wild side 
as you did.

Trying to get information like that from McAfee is virtually 
impossible. Their Taliban are quite good and helpful when a 
registered user has a problem, but they won't give me any 
information about whether they can help you.

The only useful information I could find was at
http://www.ukbusinessforums.co.uk/forum ... p?t=165067

You can also try http://www.superantispyware.com/
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by
the curb for trash collection.  Since it was in good
shape, many motorists slowed down for a look.  But
when they saw how enormous it was, they'd leave.

Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out.
"This I've got to see," I thought.
They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside
down, and  shook it hard. Then they picked up all the
coins that tumbled out and drove off.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Re-Run of yesterday's
Preventing Fruit Flies
The best way to avoid fruit fly problem is to water wash all 
produce, especially bananas, as soon as possible. I put the 
wet produce on a kitchen towel or paper towel, blot it a bit, 
and let it sit out until its dries thoroughly. If I have a lot of 
produce, I use a large tray lined with a towel. Fruit flies 
lay eggs on produce. The eggs hatch when the fruit and 
vegetables sits out on the counter. We usually have the 
problem when I forget to wash any produce or wait a 
day or two.

Use cider vinegar to trap fruit flies. I put some of the 
vinegar in a wide shallow bowl with a drop or two of liquid 
dish detergent for hand washing dishes. I don't cover it. 
You can smell the vinegar but we put up with it for a few 
days. At night, I put the bowl near the night light in the 
kitchen. This usually clears up the problem in a few days. 
Don't forget to keep any produce out of the kitchen until 
the problem clears up.

Source: My future son-in-law.

By Mkymlp from PA

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A group of British tourists were being guided
through an ancient castle in Austria.

"This place," the guide told them, "is 1600 years old.
Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered,
nothing replaced in all those years."

"Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same
landlord I have."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


"Darling," said the young man to his new bride.
"Now that we are married, do you think you will be able
to live on my modest income?"

"Of course, dearest, no problem," she answered.
"But what will you live on?"





 »  Paper Weapons

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100810-061842 2010-08-10T00:00:00Z 2010-08-10T00:00:00Z Unidentified publisher




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, August 9, 2010

We judge of man's wisdom by his hope.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wise men put their trust in ideas and not
in circumstances.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.
You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.
--- Naguib, Mahfouz

One ship sails east, another west,
By the self same winds that blow.
It isn't the gales, it's the set of the sails,
That determines the way we go.
--- Ella Wheeler Wilcox


Discover my Quick Cash Concept. Generate extra income by simply placing small image ads.

An Easterner was riding with a rancher over a
blistering and almost barren stretch of West Texas,
when a strange bird scurried in front of them.

Asked by the Easterner what the bird was, the rancher
replied, "That's a bird of paradise."

The stranger from the East rode on in silence for a
moment, then said, "Long way from home, isn't it??"

...and the fight was on....



Two golden-agers were discussing their
husbands over tea.

"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails.
He makes me terribly nervous."
"My William used to do the same thing," the older
woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."

"How?"
"I hid his teeth."
"Serves him right for hiding YOUR teeth so that you
couldn't go to the mall."


In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater
to wine  snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad
department of a  newspaper. She offered for sale what
sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur."

The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular wine,
but was used  to the infusion of French words into the
local vocabulary.

"Could you please spell that?" she asked.

"You know," said the woman impatiently,
"C-o-w  M-a-n-u-r-e".



Great deal for you!

Break into blogs

Have you ever thought about becoming a blogger, and have the
 
whole world eagerly wait for what you have to write?



There are 3 easy ways to get there:

1) Pull a Godiva stunt and make people curious or

2) Spend a Million bucks promoting your name or

3) Get Warner Carter's "Guest Bloggiing For Profit" book.



As a Guest Blogger you don't even have to set up your own blog,

well at least not initially. You simply submit your two bits to popular

blogs, and let them worry about Godiva stunts and promotion.

Gradually people get used to seeing your name on big show-boats,

and start clamoring for you to open your own blog.



Warner Carter not only tells you how to go about it, but includes

lots of links and resources. He already did all the homework

for you. If you like writing, and if you think more than just your

hair dresser should hear about your opinion, get the book and 

give yourself a chance!



Guest Bloggiing For Profit

Early birds get some extra books added free.


Thanks to Chuck for this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version
Hiho Webby-O!
I just returned from a wonderful vacation in the 1000 Islands. 
One picture I took of a sunset I said I was taking just for you! 
Here it is attached. Maybe you'd like to use it. I took many 
more and some were better focused and some had fantastic 
colors, but I picked this one for ya.
I love the newsletter. Hope to run into you some day.
Chuck

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Zaneta Amoretta Hamm, 42, in Augusta, GA

Facebook sex talks lead to woman's arrest
An Augusta woman was arrested Sunday for allegedly having 
sexual conversations under multiple aliases with teenagers on 
Facebook and MySpace, the Augusta Chronicle reports.



An argument between the suspect, Zaneta Amoretta Hamm, 
and her husband, Tony Hamm, brought Richmond County 
deputies to their home in the 3500 block of Tullocks Hill Drive, 
according to a Richmond County sheriff's report. Hamm said 
he found text messages and the social networking accounts 
that he said his wife was using to talk with young girls.

The husband of Zaneta Amoretta Hamm, 42, said he discovered 
the encounters with the teenagers after finding several text 
messages and multiple social networking accounts Hamm was 
using to speak with female teenagers, the paper stated.

Hamm told officials her social networking began as an attempt 
to get her husband’s daughter to open up to her.

Charges are pending in the investigation, the paper stated.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Swamprat
Re: unidendtified publisher 

Dear Webby
unidendtified publisher OOo_3.2.1_Win_x86_install_en-US.exe
When selected to run or not, user acct. control says:  "unidendtified publisher".    
Could you tell me,   vhat iss da deel pls. ??  
If this is windows, why "unknown"  ?  Is it SAFE ?
Swamprat

Dear Swamprat
Sounds like Microsoft is in a snit about you installing Open Office.
Don't worry, they will get over it.

Millions of people and companies use Open Office and won't go 
back to Microsoft Office ever again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


One Sunday during the morning church service our
pastor was preaching away and his sermon came to a
high point and he asked the question:
"What is your problem?"
Just as he asked the question a little boy was in
the isle, he  had started toward the bathroom.

Thinking that the preacher was talking to him,
the little guy just stopped, looked up at him,
and said, "I gotta pee."

To say the least the laughter took over and the
sermon was never the same after that!


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com


Preventing Fruit Flies
The best way to avoid fruit fly problem is to water wash all 
produce, especially bananas, as soon as possible. I put the 
wet produce on a kitchen towel or paper towel, blot it a bit, 
and let it sit out until its dries thoroughly. If I have a lot of 
produce, I use a large tray lined with a towel. Fruit flies 
lay eggs on produce. The eggs hatch when the fruit and 
vegetables sits out on the counter. We usually have the 
problem when I forget to wash any produce or wait a 
day or two.

Use cider vinegar to trap fruit flies. I put some of the 
vinegar in a wide shallow bowl with a drop or two of liquid 
dish detergent for hand washing dishes. I don't cover it. 
You can smell the vinegar but we put up with it for a few 
days. At night, I put the bowl near the night light in the 
kitchen. This usually clears up the problem in a few days. 
Don't forget to keep any produce out of the kitchen until 
the problem clears up.

Source: My future son-in-law.

By Mkymlp from PA

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Trina is very attentive when she goes out
on a date. Lately, at a movie she was overheard
to say:

Trina: "Can you see, dear ?
Date: "Yes"
Trina: "Is your seat comfortable ?"
Date: "Yes"
Trina: "Is there a draft on you ?"
Date: "No"
Trina: "Good !  Let's change seats."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


Petra had forgotten to get her estrogen patch
prescription refilled, and soon the symptoms of
menopause--hot flashes, forgetfulness, irritability,
short temper, bossiness, aches and pains, etc., etc.
returned.

Eventually she wound up at the drugstore and was telling
the pharmacist all about her problems. 

After listening patiently, he asked, "So, how many people 
asked you to get this refilled?"





 »  Common Cents

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100809-053724 2010-08-09T00:00:00Z 2010-08-09T00:00:00Z Windows 7 to XP conversion




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, August 8, 2010

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times 
his own weight in other people's patience.
--- John Updike

What music is more enchanting than the voices of young people, 
when you can't hear what they say?
--- Logan Pearsall Smith

A person reveals his character by nothing so
clearly as the joke he resents."
--- G. C. Lichtenberg


Jimmmie came home from school one day, all banged up,
bloodied, and bruised.  His father asked him what
happened and Jimmie said,
"Well, dad, it's like this.  I challenged Larry to a
duel and you know how that goes . . . I gave him his
choice of weapons."

"Uh huh," said the father. "That seems fair."

"I know . . .
but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"


"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school
teacher.
"He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny.
"How interesting.  What's his favorite trick?" asked
the teacher.
"He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny.
"Wow!  That must be amazing to watch," said the
teacher. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
Little Johnny replied,
"One half brother and two half sisters."



Great deal for you!

Break into blogs

Have you ever thought about becoming a blogger, and have the
 
whole world eagerly wait for what you have to write?



There are 3 easy ways to get there:

1) Pull a Godiva stunt and make people curious or

2) Spend a Million bucks promoting your name or

3) Get Warner Carter's "Guest Bloggiing For Profit" book.



As a Guest Blogger you don't even have to set up your own blog,

well at least not initially. You simply submit your two bits to popular

blogs, and let them worry about Godiva stunts and promotion.

Gradually people get used to seeing your name on big show-boats,

and start clamoring for you to open your own blog.



Warner Carter not only tells you how to go about it, but includes

lots of links and resources. He already did all the homework

for you. If you like writing, and if you think more than just your

hair dresser should hear about your opinion, get the book and 

give yourself a chance!



Guest Bloggiing For Profit

Early birds get some extra books added free.


Thanks to Guinn for this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version
Hi, DearWebby. 
This is the only lily in bloom in our garden just now, but what a beauty!
Guinn

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Jeanne Jones, 22 of Cinnaminson, NJ

Walmart robber dropped her purse
Jones, 22, of Palmyra, told police that the "devil got into her" when 
she fled a Cinnaminson Walmart on Monday, after walking out with 
$266.19 worth of shoplifted goods and a gift card for exchanged 
items she had never bought.

Jeanne Jones, Cinnaminson, NJ

The devil really got into Jones when she assaulted a female 
loss-prevention officer who witnessed the incident on the store's 
security cameras and tried to stop her as she left, police said.

As Jones took off in her car, however, the downfall to her devilish 
scheme was sitting in the parking lot. Police said that she dropped 
her pocketbook while roughing it up with Walmart security. 
In it was her driver's license.

Shortly after fleeing, police said, Jones began calling the Walmart, 
making vague inquiries into the lost pocketbook.

"First she was saying something happened to her sister at the store; 
then she admitted it was her but apologized," Covert said. 
"She said the devil got into her."

Police eventually spoke with Jones over the phone and said that 
she was very matter- of-fact about her predicament and agreed 
to surrender.

"She said, 'What am I going to be charged with and what's 
my bail going to be?' " Covert said.

She was charged with robbery, theft and shoplifting, and her 
bail was set at $5,000.

Covert said Jones had taken her filled shopping cart to 
customer service instead of the checkout line and returned 
items she hadn't paid for yet. The store gave her a gift card, 
and she walked out with the cart.

"We're not talking rocket science here," he said.

Last month, a man who used counterfeit bills to post bail in 
Cinnaminson was re-arrested when he returned to the 
police station asking for a refund.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Hank
Re: Windows 7 to XP

Dear Webby
The windows support says I should go to XP rather than 
Vista. Can I delete Windows 7?
I have another operating disc for an older version of XP. 
Should I install that?
I am using Firefox instead of IE.
 
Thanks again for your help
hank 

Dear Hank
XP is what you are used to, and that would give you the 
speed that you are used to, so that would be the operating 
system of choice.

Check with the manufacturer and get the XP drivers 
(if necessary) for that machine.
They may play stupid, but since you normally CAN get a 
machine with W7-Ultimate or W7-PRO, which includes 
the option to have XP pre-installed, they DO have the 
drivers.

When you run the XP SetUp CD, it automatically formats 
the drive and wipes out W7, plus everything else you have 
on the machine. So back up anything that you want to 
keep onto the net or onto CD/DVD.

It makes no difference, how old your XP disk is. The first
automatic update will bring it up to date.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into
the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a
new set of Woods.

The staff all watched to see what would happen after he
used them for the first time - more than half expecting
he'd come in and demand his money back.

But the next time he came in, he was all smiles.

"They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In
fact,I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards
farther than I could my last ones."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com


Save Your Old Cookware Lids
If you are re-doing your cookware, save the lids if they are 
in good shape. If not, take a good, long look at those pot 
handles and lid knobs. A lot of these items are in standard 
form and interchangeable. I find it so annoying when I 
buy a set of cookware and the lids need to be exchanged 
between pots and skillets (as in I am either using the 6 qt 
pot or using the 12 inch skillet, but I can't cover both at the 
same time). This holds true for the expensive as well as 
the inexpensive sets.

By Cookwie from Richardson, TX

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Ole and Lena went to the hospital so Lena could deliver
their first baby. As Ole waited in the lobby, the
doctor came out to talk to him. The doctor said,
"I have some good news and some bad news. The good news
is that you have a normal baby boy. The bad news is
that it is a cesarean."
Ole started crying, and said, "Vel, I'm glad it is a
healthy baby, but I vas kinda hoping it vould be
Svedish!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


MacTavish's little boy was being questioned by the
teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five
pounds," said the teacher, "and I asked you for the
loan of three pounds, how many would you have left?"

"Five," said young MacTavish firmly.

"Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?"
"Well," replied young MacTavish "You can ask for a
loan of three pounds, but after what you said at the
last Parent-Teacher meeting, just asking for a loan
doesn't mean you will get it."





 »  Wild Flowers

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100808-054305 2010-08-08T00:00:00Z 2010-08-08T00:00:00Z Search within a page




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, August 7, 2010

Life is too short for traffic.
--- Dan Bellack

Life is too important to take seriously.
--- Corky Siegel

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators
do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not Guilty.'
--- Theodore Roosevelt


A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish
rabbi were discussing when life begins.

"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of
fertilization. That is when God instills the spark
of life into the fetus."

"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at
birth, because that is when the baby becomes an
individual and is capable of making its own decisions
and must learn about sin."

"You're both wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins
when the children have graduated and moved out of
the house."


A young woman decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't
sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew
that her friend next door had recently done the same job and
the two rooms were identical in size.

"Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy
for your bedroom?"

"Twenty," said Buffy.

So the girl bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job,
but she had 12 rolls left over.

"Buffy," she said. "I bought twenty rolls of wallpaper for the
bedroom, but I've got 12 left over!"

"Amazing!" said Buffy. "So did I."



Great deal for you!

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Have you ever thought about becoming a blogger, and have the
 
whole world eagerly wait for what you have to write?



There are 3 easy ways to get there:

1) Pull a Godiva stunt and make people curious or

2) Spend a Million bucks promoting your name or

3) Get Warner Carter's "Guest Bloggiing For Profit" book.



As a Guest Blogger you don't even have to set up your own blog,

well at least not initially. You simply submit your two bits to popular

blogs, and let them worry about Godiva stunts and promotion.

Gradually people get used to seeing your name on big show-boats,

and start clamoring for you to open your own blog.



Warner Carter not only tells you how to go about it, but includes

lots of links and resources. He already did all the homework

for you. If you like writing, and if you think more than just your

hair dresser should hear about your opinion, get the book and 

give yourself a chance!



Guest Bloggiing For Profit

Early birds get some extra books added free.




Click on the picture for the Large Version
Iguazu Falls

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Julie Bailey, 38,in LaCrosse, WI

Pregnant and drunk robber arrested

A drunken, pregnant La Crosse woman is accused of trying to 
rob a South Side fast-food restaurant for drug money late 
Tuesday but failing when her weapon became jammed in her shorts.

A Taco John's cashier told investigators a heavy-set woman 
wearing an oversized floral shirt and shorts approached the 
counter at 1211 Jackson St. about 10:40 p.m. and demanded 
cash, according to La Crosse police reports.

"I want a soft shell, and this is a stickup. Give me all your money," 
the suspect reportedly told the cashier.

The woman tried pulling a hammer from her shorts pocket 
but could not remove the weapon after tugging on the handle, 
reports stated. The cashier pressed the restaurant's panic button 
and called 911. The suspect fled without any money, police said.

Julie Bailey, 38, of 934 Jackson St., was arrested a few minutes 
later with a wooden hammer in her hand after a short foot pursuit. 
She is facing charges of attempted armed robbery and obstructing 
officers.

According to the La Crosse Tribune, after her roommate threatened 
to evict her if she didn't come up with money she owed for crack 
cocaine, and trying to sell an engagement ring back to K-Mart 
didn't work, Bailey opted for the Taco John's robbery.

While in jail, of course all her maternity expenses will be 
taken care of.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Alexa
Re: Search within a page

Dear Webby
Due to lack of patience, I use FireFox. Is there an easy
way to search for a word or phrase within a page?
Thanks
Alexa

Dear Alexa
Yes, just hit CTRL F and start typing the word or phrase.
It will appear down near the status line. 
The search is double incremental. If it findsthat there is 
only one word that has the 3 letters, that you just typed,
it will ding and show you the part of the page, where that
word is, and highlight it.

If there are no occasions of that combination of letters,
it ill ding and stop you after as little as 3 letters.

If there are lots of occasions of a search word,
it will it will highlight the first one. CTRL N will show you
the Next one.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


After the man received the full treatment - shave,
shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed Little
Johnny in the chair. "I'm going to buy a tie
to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in
a few minutes."

When Little Johnny's haircut was completed and the
man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks
like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy," said Little Johnny. "He
just walked up, took me by the hand and said,
'Come on, kid, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com


Trivia At Dinnertime
We all have unused games laying around. Some have educational 
information cards, like Trivia. Take the cards and put a few on 
the table, next to salt and pepper. Interact at dinner by asking 
questions, the answers are on the back. You would be surprised 
how much kids know and how much kids love doing this.

When you know all the answers, change them out; pick up more 
games at yard sales. It's educational and the family does 
something together, a win-win situation.

Source: Restaurant at OBX
By Ruayne from Climax, NC

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


"Electricity originates inside clouds. There, it
forms into lightning, which is attracted to the
Earth by golfers. After entering the ground, the
electricity hardens into coal, which, when dug up
by power companies and burned in big ovens called
'generators,' turns back into electricity. The power
company sells it to consumers who use TV sets
to transform it into commercials for beer, which
passes through the consumers and back into the
ground, thus completing what is known as a
'circuit.'"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


QUESTION: How many church people does it take to
change a lightbulb?

Charismatics: Only one. Hands are already in the air.

Roman Catholics: None. They use candles.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the light bulb,
and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the
lights will be on and off.

Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician,
and seven to say how much better they liked the old bulb.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four
wives to tell him when and how to do it.

Unitarians: They chose not to make a statement
either in favor of or against the light bulb.
However, if you have found in your own journey that
light bulbs work for you, that is fine.

Baptists: At least fifteen. One to change the light
bulb,and two or three committees to approve the
change. Oh, and also a casserole.

Jews: Twenty five. Twelve to make the light bulb maker
feel guilty, twelve to make the electrician feel guilty,
and a rabbi, of course.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Methodists: A whole congregation. One to change the
light bulb, and the rest of the congregation to be
sure that he doesn't backslide.





 »  Northern Lights

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100807-055823 2010-08-07T00:00:00Z 2010-08-07T00:00:00Z Long periods of standby or Hibernation




   
Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, August 6, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The male is a domestic animal which,
if treated with firmness,
can be trained to do most things.
--- Jilly Cooper

Choice, not chance, determines destiny."
--- Socratex


Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied
offices in the same building. One was 40 years
old, the other over 70.  They rode on the elevator
together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day.
The younger man was completely done in, and he
noted with some resentment that his senior was
fresh as a daisy.

"I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can
listen to complaining patients from morning 'til night,
on a day like this, and still look so spry and un-
bothered when it's over?"

The older analyst replied:"Sorry, I can't hear
a thing. The battery in my hearing aid went dead a
many years ago."


A professor was giving a lecture on company slogans in a
college advertising and marketing class.

"Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly
the friendly skies'?"

"United." Joe answered.

"Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan,
"Don't leave home without it?"

Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no
difficulty.

"Now John, Tell me which company uses the slogan, 'Just do it'?"

John answered, "Mom."



I found another great deal for you: 50% off on the famous

14,000 home wood working plans

  Click Here!

If they don't let you work with wood anymore, it would be

a great present for your favorite handyman, at a rare 50% off!

Off the cost of the book, not off the handyman!
If you rather pay full price, then procrastinate NOW!
This ad will be gone tomorrow.




Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Natalie M. Tice in Milville, New Jersey

woman vows to kill cops, throw feces and have abortion 
following robbery arrest in Vineland

VINELAND — A Millville woman was charged with robbing a 
New Jersey Transit bus driver and kicking out a police cruiser’s 
window Sunday afternoon.


Natalie M. Tice, 21, of Millville’s Oakview Apartments, punched 
the 63-year-old bus driver in the head and took $48 from him.

The robbery occurred at the Vineland Transportation Center, 
located at 106 W. Landis Ave. It was reported at 4:26 p.m.

The bus driver told police he attempted to prevent Tice from 
boarding the bus, as she had earlier caused a disturbance 
while riding on his bus. Tice ignored his request and boarded 
the bus, then allegedly turned around and punched him, 
causing a cut to the left side of his head.

After Tice was placed under arrest for the robbery, she was 
put in the rear of a police cruiser as police continued their 
investigation.

Police pepper-sprayed Tice after she ignored an order to 
stop kicking the cruiser’s rear, passenger-side window. 
The pepper-spray reportedly had little impact in calming Tice, 
who kicked out the window a few moments later.

Police estimated the damage to the cruiser at $600.

Tice allegedly made several threats to kill the police officers 
involved in the investigation, both during her arrest and while 
being processed at police headquarters.

She also screamed that she was going to defecate in an interview 
room and hurl feces at the officers, and also indicated she was 
going to have an abortion so she could claim she had a 
miscarriage due to the way she was handled following her arrest, 
according to police. The police report did not indicate if Tice was 
pregnant.

Police recovered $50 from Tice, who was taken to South Jersey 
Healthcare-Regional Medical Center for evaluation.

Tice was charged with robbery and criminal mischief, 
with bail set at $100,000.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Guinn
Re: Long periods of standby or hibernate

Hi, Webby. you say to leave the computer on if it is just 
for a few hours. While I have a fairly fast computer, it 
takes some time to come on line after it has been shut 
down so is it all right to leave it in Standby or Hibernate 
for longer periods? 
Guinn

Dear Guinn
Hibernate is quite OK, but avoid Standby. 
However, even in Hibernation, it can't defragment or 
virus-scan.

Remember to allocate time for that, just like you allocate 
some time for an occasional shower.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Tell a man something,
it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.

Tell a woman something, it goes past both of her ears.

Whisper something near a woman,
it goes in in both her ears
and comes out of the mouth of every woman in town.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

re-run from yesterday

Desert Gardening Tips
I live in the Southwest desert and it was costing an arm and 
a leg to water my plants even though we have no lawn and 
plant desert adapted versions of plants. Trying to water 
sparingly just killed the plants and made the survivors 
look droopy.

Finally, I bit the bullet and put in a drip system, which in 
the summer we run at night to reduce evaporation. Our 
water use was cut by 75% and the plants have never 
looked better. To keep the drip working in this hard 
water area, every few weeks I pull all the drip tips and 
soak them in vinegar, or CLR if they are really bad.

Some of the desert adapted plants are versions of 
plants grown elsewhere, such as desert gold peaches, 
and some types of roses which bloom almost all year 
here with very little care and not much water. So we 
are able to have a nice, pretty yard that isn't all cactus, 
eat fresh fruit, and not spend a fortune.
By Chiismychi from Tucson, AZ

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Two voices, male and female, on an overnight
"red eye" plane flight:  "I think everyone's
asleep, let's go"
Sound of steps.
"This one's empty.  No one is looking.  You
go in first"
"It's a bit cramped, let me sit down"
"Have you got the condom?  Quick, put it on"
Sniff sniff "Ah perfume! You think of everything."
"This is great..." (long sigh)

Static on the loud speaker then a new voice.
"This is the captain speaking, to those two
people in the rear toilet. We know what you're
doing, and it is expressly forbidden by the
Government that YOU elected. Now, put those
cigarettes out and take the condom off the
smoke detector...!"
------------
Actually, the easily visible smoke detector is
just a decoy and doesn't work. There is usually
another one up in the light fixture.
If you are on a long flight and need a smoke,
do it like the flight crew: Crouch or kneel in
front of the toilet. You will hear wind noise
from air escaping down the toilet. That air goes
straight outside, and does not go past any smoke
detectors or past the noses of anybody who might
object to your smoking. The flight crew prefers
that you do that, rather than get grouchy at them.


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


When the car engine developed a slight knock, Joe
asked his wife if she had bought high octane or
regular gas, but she couldn't remember.

"You probably got the cheaper gas," he said.
"That could account for the roughness of the engine."

"No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly.

"Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband
probingly.

"It cost the same as always," Nancy replied.
"I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth."





 »  Plethora

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100806-044433 2010-08-06T00:00:00Z 2010-08-06T00:00:00Z More Charter.net email problems




   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, August 5, 2010

Good judgement comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgement.
-- Jim Horning

I don't think anyone should write their
autobiography until after they're dead.
-- Samuel Goldwyn

These days come and go, but they say nothing, and if we do
not use the gifts they bring, they carry them as silently away.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson


Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long
distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of
AT&T, MCI, and Sprint.
"I've found CTC to be the cheapest plan around," offered one.
"CTC? Who are they?"
"You know," he responded, "Call Them Collect."


One day, a foreign family arrived in New York City.
This was the first time out of their native village,
and it didn't take long before the wife got lost.

The husband asked a passerby for help and was told
to go to the police and report it.

When he got there, a police officer asked him for
the wife's description.

"What's that?" asked the man. "Well, you see a
description is telling what something looks like.
For example, my wife is 25-years-old, 5'11", 140 lbs,
38-25-36 measurements. Now, what can you tell me about
your wife?"

"Maria can wait, lets go look for yours!"



Looks like all three subcribers, who want to loose significant weight
 
before the reunion, have grabbed the Fat Burning Furnace book.

I might bring that link back some day, but for now it is gone.



I found another great deal for you: 50% off on the famous

14,000 home wood working plans

  Click Here!

If they don't let you work with wood anymore, it would be

a great present for your favorite handyman, at a rare 50% off!

Off the cost of the book, not the handyman!


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:

Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Michael Dupree in St Petersburg, Florida

Convicted Burglar Sues Captors Over Citizen's Arrest
A convicted burglar says the man he victimized actually 
committed battery while performing an unnecessarily rough 
citizen's arrest.

Michael Dupree is serving a 12-year sentence for cocaine 
possession and burglary after being found guilty of shattering 
Anthony McKoy's car window and stealing a bicycle from inside 
his vehicle in St. Petersburg, Fla., in 2007.

Michael Dupree putting on the pounds in prison

But Dupree is seeking $500,000 and punitive damages for 
injuries he says he sustained when McKoy and two other men 
detained him until police arrived, according to the St. Petersburg Times.

Dupree swears another man gave him the bike, which he was 
trying to sell when McKoy and his accomplices confronted him, 
pulled out a gun, handcuffed him and pinned him to the ground 
by painfully placing a knee on his spine.

According to court documents, the citizen's arrest lead to 
"permanent disabilities and psychological disorders which the 
plaintiff continues to suffer."

Unsurprisingly, McKoy has a different version of events.

He told the paper that after realizing his car window was 
shattered, he spotted Dupree -- who happened to be naked -- 
with his bicycle. McKoy and two other men gave chase and 
put Dupree in a shoulder hold until police arrived.

McKoy was stunned after getting served with Dupree's lawsuit.
"I thought it was a joke," he said. "I'm the victim."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Joyce
Re: Charter.net problems

Dear Webby,
why do i have to have to get your humor letter at gmail     
i don't like it at all       i can't get it set up right       you have 
to sign in every morning
 
i was having problemes with my computer that is why i could 
not get it throught my charter account
Joyce

Dear Joyce
No, the reason you could not get it through Charter.net is 
because of the well known gross incompetence at Charter.net. 
Not your or your computer's fault at all.

Those incompetent morons kept bouncing the subscriptions of 
over 100 of their victims.

Just select an email program like Eudora, Pegasus, Outlook, 
Outlook Express, whatever, and check your Gmail with that. 
There is a huge selection of email programs at
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_e-mail_clients

A Gmail ADDRESS is just an address.
Don't get stuck with the browser-view. 
The browser view is just ONE of many ways of looking at your mail.
That method is for a fast stand-up check while at the contractor's 
counter at the Home Depot or while visiting a friend. 
THAT mehtod is fast, but very limited, and just intended for
quick peeking while away from YOUR computer.

After you have selected an email program, check in the Gmail 
help how to set up POP email with THAT program. It's actually 
quite easy and straight-forward.

The browser view is like a submarine periscope. Handy under
certain conditions, but very awkward and limited, when you 
are in the harbor and on the surface.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Joe's daughter's eighth grade history class
planned a visit to the US capital.  Unfortunately,
she was not greatly enthusiastic about a trip
that she considered too "educational" to be fun.

However, on their return, Joe was pleased to hear
how she and her classmates had been filled with
awe and emotion as they gazed at the Washington
Monument.

"To think, dad," she marveled.  "We were standing
right where Forrest Gump stood."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Desert Gardening Tips
I live in the Southwest desert and it was costing an arm and 
a leg to water my plants even though we have no lawn and 
plant desert adapted versions of plants. Trying to water 
sparingly just killed the plants and made the survivors 
look droopy.

Finally, I bit the bullet and put in a drip system, which in 
the summer we run at night to reduce evaporation. Our 
water use was cut by 75% and the plants have never 
looked better. To keep the drip working in this hard 
water area, every few weeks I pull all the drip tips and 
soak them in vinegar, or CLR if they are really bad.

Some of the desert adapted plants are versions of 
plants grown elsewhere, such as desert gold peaches, 
and some types of roses which bloom almost all year 
here with very little care and not much water. So we 
are able to have a nice, pretty yard that isn't all cactus, 
eat fresh fruit, and not spend a fortune.
By Chiismychi from Tucson, AZ

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A man really loved a woman, but he was just too
shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years
and neither of them had ever been married. Of
course, they dated about once a week for the past
sixteen years, but he was so timid he just never got
around to suggesting marriage much less living
together.

But one day, he became determined to ask her the
question. So he calls her on the phone,
"June."
"Yes, this is June."
"Will you marry me?"
"Of course I will!
By the way, who are you?"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


Son: "Here's my report card, Dad, along with one of
your old ones I found in the attic."

Dad: "Well, Son, you're right. Your report card
isn't any better than mine was.
I guess the only fair thing to do is give you
exactly the same as what my father gave me to smarten
me up, when I brought that one home. Now where is that
old mule whip?"





 »  Plethora

]]> http://www.webby.com/humor/blog/index.php?entry=entry100805-060634 2010-08-05T00:00:00Z 2010-08-05T00:00:00Z