Dear Webby: Make your own screen saver 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  May 27, 2007
======================================

Forgiveness does not change the past,
but it does enlarge the future.
--- Paul Boese

Imagination is the highest kite one can fly.
--- Lauren Bacall

=======================================

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant;
first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because
he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too
cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and
forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second
customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.

"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't have
an air conditioner."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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===========================================

Our priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also
a priest, to fill in for him and conduct a funeral Mass
scheduled for that day. His brother, of course, agreed. It was
not until the brother was accompanying the casket down the
aisle, however, that he realized that he had neglected to ask
the sex of the deceased. This was information that he would need
for his remarks during the service.

As he approached the first pew where the deceased's relatives
were seated he nodded toward the casket and whispered to one
woman, "Brother or sister?"

"Cousin," she replied.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Antonucci, 58 of Plymouth, England Easy Come, Easy Go May 12, 2007 - Plymouth, Devon, UK - Daily Mirror A lottery winner has spent his £2.8million ($ 5.5million) fortune and gone back to the job he quit when he won the jackpot 12 years ago. Michael Antonucci, 58, became one of Britain's first lotto winners after borrowing a tenner from his mum to buy tickets. He spent the cash on a boat, a nightclub, luxury properties, dabbling in different businesses and a 12 week marriage to a topless model. But now Michael's back at his old trade - buying junk furniture and exporting it to the United States from a lock-up in Plymouth, reports the Daily Mirror. He said: "It was an experience I would never have had if I had not won the lottery. He spent £750,000 on a former convent, £300,000 opening a furniture store which failed, £40,000 on launching a pop band, and also tried running a pub and a massage parlour. His wedding to glamour girl Kelly Arkins, 22, on a beach in the Bahamas, cost £10,000. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the days route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says "Do Not Disturb!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Linda for this story: As the owner of a clunker, I was used to dealing with a variety of car breakdowns. One day at the supermarket, just after I had filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed a stream of fluid pouring out of the bottom of the car. I knew I had to get home before the car was once again out of action. When I arrived I asked my husband to take a look at the problem. Expecting the worst, I braced myself for his diagnosis. When he came back in, he was smiling. "It's apple juice," he said. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carlie Re: Screen Savers Dear Webby I got all kinds of mail telling me that I need to buy a screen saver to protect my monitor. Is there any truth to that? Carlie Dear Carlie It's true that you need a screen saver, but totally untrue that you need to buy one. There are a bunch of them included with Windows and you can use any of them for free. You can also make your own for free. Right-click on the desktop, select Properties, Screensaver select My Pictures. Then it will use the pictures that you have in your "My Pictures" folder. Depending on who might see your screen saver, discretion is advised regarding to what kind of pictures you got in that folder. The picture of your boss getting arrested after the Christmas party might be hilarious, but it will probably be considered undiplomatic, if it shows up while you are out to lunch. Aside from those considerations, any pictures will work. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 13, 2007 - Ottawa, Ontario, Canada - CNews Most people raise money for their charity of choice by doing a walkathon or canvassing door-to-door. Not Roy Berger. The 41-year-old Ottawa man shattered a world record yesterday by completing 1,009 fist push-ups in 16 minutes and 57 seconds. The special education teacher's efforts were to help raise money for Christie Lake Camp, a summer camp for underprivileged children. In front of a crowd of about 100 at the Westgate Shopping Centre's food court, the tall, lean man with a shaved head and tattoos bobbed up and down in 30-push-up intervals before smashing the record.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Packing Peanuts For House Plants Use packing peanuts to create a drainage layer in the bottom of your planter. This is wonderful for large planters because it helps keep them lighter. Make sure to use styrofoam peanuts because biodegradable peanuts will decompose.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Since this is their first party and the wife hasn't done much cooking, the husband suggests they order out for Chinese food and she could bake a cake for dessert. She agrees, but on Friday afternoon, the wife calls her husband in tears. "The only recipe I can find is for a cake that will feed four," she says. "Why don't you just double the recipe?" her husband asks. Just before quitting time the husband gets another call from her, and this time she is frantic. "I just can't do it," she says. "It's impossible." "Now, now, what's the matter?" "Well, I doubled everything, just like you said," she tells him, "and it's ready to go in the oven." "Then what's the problem?" he asks. The wife sobs. "The book says that the cake must be baked at 350 degrees. I've checked the oven and it doesn't go up to 700 degrees!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== I'm also a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for visually-impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself. Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford." Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Legacy of light http://www.llg.ca/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Defrag never finishes 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  May 26, 2007
======================================

The game of life is the game of boomerangs.
Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later,
with astounding accuracy.
--- Florence Shinn

=======================================

Three guys were standing around talking about dying when
one asked, "What would you like people to say about you as
they come to pay their last respects?"
The second man said, "I hope they say I was a respected
doctor in my field, a good family man, and had lots of friends."

The third man said, "I hope they say I was a well spoken
attorney, helped my fellow man, good citizen, and played a
mean round of golf."

The first man said, "That's probably what will be said of the
two of you. My hope is that when they look down in my coffin,
they say, "Look...he's moving"!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife
"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time
to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to
leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,
"Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion
shouts back..."Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristina Andreeva, 23 and Ivan Filin, 48 of Sofia, Bulgaria Not fit to drive May 12, 2007 - Sofia, Bulgaria - Ananova A driving student lost her license three hours after passing her test after going for a drink with her instructor to celebrate. Police in the Bulgarian capital Sofia pulled over Kristina Andreeva, 23, for erratic driving and a breath test found both she and instructor Ivan Filin, 48, were three times over the limit. Andreeva said: "I had promised to buy him a drink if I got my license and we went to a cafe, had a couple of wines and then offered to drive him home. I was so happy I just didn't think about the drink drive rules." Police said they had also stripped Filin of his driving license and his business license as a driving instructor for encouraging drink-driving. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== While digging a shaft into the German homeland, German scientists discovered small pieces of copper at 50 meters. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. The British ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. At a depth of 100 meters, they discovered small pieces of glass. Soon the British announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber net. Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100, and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. The Israelis concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A man and his wife went to a psychiatrist to see if they could gain some relief for the man's belief that he was a refrigerator. After meeting with the husband, the psychiatrist assured the wife that there was nothing about which to be concerned. A bit perturbed the wife stated, "But doc at night when he sleeps with his mouth open the light keeps me awake!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bobbie Re: Defrag never finishes Dear Webby My computer is getting really slow, so a friend suggested that I defrag it. I tried that, but the Windows defrag never finishes. It just keeps re-starting. What am I doing wrong? Bobbie Dear Bobbie Forget the Windows defrag. It won't work for me either. First, make sure you got about 20% of your hard drive free. Then get DisKeeper. It's not free, but well worth the money. You can get a free trial version at Diskeeper Set it to defrag automatically whenever your screensaver comes on, then leave the machine running overnight. By morning it will be nicely defragged and from then on stay that way. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 12, 2007 - Albania - Ananova A wolf captured in Albania has become best friends with a donkey. The donkey was put in the wolf's cage as part of its feeding programme. But instead of hunting it down and eating it, the wolf befriended the donkey, reports Sky News. The two animals have since become inseparable, living together in the cage for the last 10 days. Curious villagers and local news reporters have been flocking to see the unlikely couple for themselves. The wolf was captured four months ago in the northern Albanian mountains.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uneven Cake Layers Sometimes you bake a cake layer that comes out just a little bit lopsided. Level the layer with a serrated knife. Then apply a coat of frosting to the rough edge leftover from the cut. Let the frosting dry before frosting the rest of the cake. A serrated knife sounds rather barbaric to me! Cut some leftover shelving or other wood with the same thickness as a layer of the cake to just fit into your cake pans and sand and varnish it nicely, because some day it will become a heirloom. After you dump the cake, put the wood spacer in and the cake on top of that. Then use the edge of the cake pan as a guide to saw it into layers with dental floss. Remove the bottom layer and put the top layer onto the spacer and trim the top to be precisely the same as the bottom. You will get the same laser smooth cut that the professionals get (who use that same old trick). If you don't have any scrap wood, a book or a stack of junk mail in a ziplock bag works fine too. If you do a lot of cakes in a row, tie the ends of the dental floss to wooden spoons so that you don't cut your hands. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
After driving all night, a man arrived in a small town where he decided to stop in the local park and catch some sleep. Just as he dozed off, there was a knock on the window. Outside the car, was a jogger. "Excuse me, can you give me the time?" the jogger inquired. "Groggily, the man replied, "It's 6:27." The man closed his eyes and just as he dozed off there was another knock on the window. There stood another jogger who said, "I'm sorry to disturb you. Do you have the time?", Struggling to keep up his spirits he replied, "It's 6:34." The man rolled up the window but realizing that this could go on indefinitely, he took paper and pen and created a sign which read: "I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME." He stuck the sign in the window, closed his eyes, and was barely asleep when there came yet another tap on the window. The man looked and sure enough, there was another jogger. He disgustedly rolled down the window and said, "Yeah, what is it?" The jogger replied, "It's 6:42." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Two men were sitting in a doctors office. "What are you here for?" asked one. "Circumcision," came the reply. "That's rouh! I had one of those the day after I was born," the first man commented. "Afterward, I couldn't walk for a year." ======================================== Here is the long link for yesterday's Bonus Link Site: http://www.kessels.com/Hobby/cats/Quotes.html
Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link:: Dragon Boats More Dragon Boats Even more Dragon Boats
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Dark Sites 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  May 18, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================

"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved
- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."
--- Victor Hugo

=======================================

Plumber to wife of would-be handyman:
"To ensure properly functioning plumbing, keep foreign
objects out of your sinks and tubs, flush soap suds away
with hot water --
and above all, hide your husband's wrenches."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

 A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed
 her a study which indicated that men use about 15,000 words a day,
 whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this, then
 told her husband that women  use twice as many words as men because
 they have to repeat everything they say. Looking stunned, he said,
 "What?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shenyang botanical park A pony by any other color... Shenyang botanical park is charging 30p each for pictures with the animal which, as well as painted black stripes, has fluffy white hair. When asked if the zebra is real, the feeder answered: "It's from Africa. What do you call it, if it's not a zebra?" "We saw right away that the zebra is fake, but we are here for fun, so it doesn't really matter," said a mother who had just paid for her child's picture. According to the City Evening News, the park says it doesn't know if the horse is a zebra or not. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== "Painted Hills", Oregon =========================================== Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny. "Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Today at work, the boss wanted to know when Father's Day was. "Easy," I answered. "It's nine months before Mother's Day." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Janet Re: Dark Sites Dear Webby One of my flakey relatives has a page with dark blue writing on a mostly black background, which makes it very hard for me to read. Is there a way I can change that on my browser (IE6) Thanks Janet Dear Janet You might want to keep a close watch on that flakey relative. Quite often that kind of web design is the equivalent of the whispering phase that some suiciders go through. In the mentime, to be able to read the text, hit CTRL A to select All. As long as you just move scroll bars and don't click into the page, all text will remain highlighted and will be easy to read. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 11, 2007 - Walters, Oklahoma - AP A rescue team navigated flooded farmland in a boat to save a 70-year-old woman and her dog from rising floodwaters and made another critical rescue — a pot of stew from the woman's stove. Geneva Taptto frantically began calling for help Wednesday when she realized her rural home near Walters was surrounded by floodwaters. Local sheriff's deputies and the Oklahoma Highway Patrol's lake division sent a rescue boat to save the woman and her dog. ''They couldn't get the boat to the house. They had to wade in water to get me and the dog,'' Taptto said. ''They even brought the stew. I worked all morning on that stew.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Sandpaper Store your sandpaper in a three ring binder. Just use some pocket folders to keep the sandpaper organized by different grits in the binder. Label the binding of the three ring binder "Sandpaper" so that it's easy to see when sitting on shelf. Old photo albums work great too!
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A mathematician, a statistician and an accountant apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What does two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly." Then the interviewer calls in the statistician and asks the same question "What does two plus two equal?" The statistician says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four." Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and poses the same question "What does two plus two equal?" The accountant gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried them. The sheriff then asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Cat Quotes http://snipurl.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Separate Windows 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  May 24, 2007
======================================

We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.
--- Bertha Calloway

=======================================

Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting
anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having
their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out
and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better
go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another
one."

Swampy turns a little pale and leaves.
Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the
father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the
way, so call back later."

At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he
goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital
again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on
the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a
double scotch.

Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so
drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded
cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the
recording is still going strong:
"The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last
one was a duck."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Bob took his 4 year old  Josh, out to McDonald's for
dinner one evening for a "guy night".
As they were eating hamburgers, Josh asked
"Daddy, what are these little things on the
hamburger buns?"
He responded that they were tiny seeds and
were ok to eat.
Josh was quiet for a couple of minutes
and obviously in deep thought.
Finally, Josh looked up and said,
"Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our
backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to
last forever."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a dopey teen in Ocala, Florida Wrong place! May 8, 2007 - Ocala, Florida - AP An Ocala teen picked the wrong place to grow marijuana. Marion County deputies found nine potted marijuana plants on Southeast 66th Street, in Ocala. Ocala's deputy police chief, Greg Graham, owned the vacant property. Graham's neighbor followed a 17-year-old onto his lot, discovered the plants, and tipped off deputies. When deputies arrested the teen he admitted to smoking pot. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Roland for sending this picture: =========================================== "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees." The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads, "No" After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I Dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kathleen Re: Separate Window Dear Webby I saw one of the IT guys pop from a link on a page to a fresh window, without overwriting the one where the link was. I asked him how he did that and he managed o confuse not only me, but also himself. So, how is it done? Kathleen Dear Kathleen Just hold down SHIFT and click the link. If the link is just to a small pop-up, then hold down CTRL while you click the link. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping Tips Shop early in the morning to avoid long lines. You can find specials or day old breads first thing in the morning. Never shop when you are hungry, and always shop with a list so you remember what you really need.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?" The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a woman hire another woman to do her housework, so that she can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child? ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Stitchers Haven http://www.egausa.org/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Taskbar Shuffling 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  May 23, 2007
======================================

If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt,
it means you never take any chances.
--- Julia Sorel

He that is of the opinion money will do everything
may well be suspected of doing everything for money.
--- Benjamin Franklin

=======================================

Planning a weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of
things I needed to do, including taking food out of the
freezer and  grocery shopping.

As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take
to lunch asked if we could make it that Friday.

So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the
dashboard and went and picked her up.

As she settled into the car, her face dropped.

"Thanks a lot!" she sulked.

Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item:
"Take out the Turkey."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand
and makes it sound confusing.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a peeping Tom in Baraboo, Wisconsin Dumb Tom April 6, 2007 - Baraboo Wisconsin - AP A peeping tom seen peering into a second-floor window of a man's apartment fled before the could catch him, but he left a key piece of evidence behind -- his ladder. Matt Edgerton, 24, said he and a date were at home March 24 when he noticed a shadow move across his bedroom window and went to investigate. When he pulled back the curtain, he was face-to-face with a middle-aged man peering in. "My nose was actually touching the window and it was like, boom! His face was right there,'' Edgerton said. "It was like a horror movie.'' Police Lt. Rob Sinden, who is heading the investigation, said: "The ladder is absolutely in our custody.'' Edgerton said the man seemed just as surprised as he when the curtain was pulled open and scrambled down the ladder. Edgerton ran outside, but the man was gone so he called police. "We have had similar instances in the past, but I cannot say we've ever had an individual use a ladder,'' police said. "That's an individual who is working very diligently at peeking.'' ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Joan for sending this picture by her shy friend in That's not CPR! =========================================== An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples." "I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "From orange trees like this, I expect about 120 pounds of oranges". ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good, too!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ginny Re: Move taskbar icons Dear Webby Is there a way to move the icons on the taskbar so that they are in the order that I use them? I can only re-arrange the icons in the little hot-bar section by the START, but the rest of the task bar, that has the buttons for programs that are running, there Windows won't let me move them. Thanks Ginny Dear Ginny Yes, there is a way, with the TaskBarShuffler. It is free. You can download it from Shuffler http://www.freewebs.com/nerdcave/taskbarshuffle.htm It's not a permanent patch for Windows, and if you want, you can turn it off after sorting your program buttons. They will stay sorted. It is quite civilized, and if you want, you can even tell it to give up it's own little button over by the clock. You can set it to start automatically when Windows starts. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 5, 2007 - Clearwater, Florida - AP A high school senior acknowledges he went too far when he mooned a teacher. But he thinks the decision of school officials to send him to a new school for the rest of the year was too harsh, so his family is suing. Tyler Tillung, 18, mooned a teacher "suddenly and without thinking about the consequences" in February, according to the lawsuit filed Tuesday. The teacher had declined to let him into a Feb. 21 school lip sync show that was full. He was suspended for six days and reassigned to a new school. But the teen wants to graduate with his Palm Harbor University High class in six weeks and complete his final season on the varsity baseball team, the lawsuit said. "We're talking about his graduation," said Tillung's lawyer, B. Edwin Johnson. "That's an important event in a guy's life. ... This kid deserves a break." School Board Attorney Jim Robinson said administrators stand by their decision. "Without knowing the allegations, we're confident in the administration's position on this case," Robinson said. Palm Harbor principal Herman "Doc" Allen described the mooning as "disgusting" and the teacher as "traumatized."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bathroom Maintenance A good way to keep your tub or shower clean is to wipe it down after you use it. You can do it with the towel you use to dry yourself. Teach your kids to do the same. Your tub will require cleaning much less frequently.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic: She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...... And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!! ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Aleutian Baskets http://www.aleutians.org/basketss.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: When will Vista be safe? 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  May 22, 2007
======================================

It is never too late to give up our prejudices.
--- Henry David Thoreau

=======================================

At a nursing home in Miami, Florida, a group of Senior
Citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments:
"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,"
said one.

"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my
coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,"
said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,".... another went on.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced
an old man as he slowly shook his head. Then there was a
short moment of silence.

"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully.
"Thank God we can all still drive."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Joe, the Governor's most trusted assistant, died in his
sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for
advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe
decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend.

So, it was understandable that the Governor didn't take
kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who
wanted Joe's job. "They don't even have the decency to
wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered.

At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the
Governor's side. "Governor," the man said, "is there
a chance that I could take Joe's place?"

"Certainly," the governor replied. "But you'd better
hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Legislators in Taiwan Politicians or TV-Wrestlers? May 8, 2007 - Taipei - Reuters Scores of Taiwan legislators sprayed water, threw stacks of paper and exchanged punches in parliament Tuesday due to disagreements over a bill, again delaying passage of the long-overdue 2007 annual budget. Lawmakers from the ruling Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) and the main opposition Nationalist Party, or the Kuomintang (KMT), climbed onto the parliament speaker's podium, wrestled and pulled at each other's clothes. At least one legislator fell from the table during the scuffle, which broke out over a proposal by the KMT to adjust the make-up of the Central Election Commission. DPP legislators complained that the KMT had introduced its election commission plan to derail passage of the annual budget. Scuffles often break out over bills in the self-ruled island's sharply divided parliament, where opposition parties hold a slim majority. Earlier this year, dozens of legislators threw shoes and pulled ties over a similar bill, and in the past they have also hurled lunchboxes and microphones at each other. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from one to fourteen, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion. "When did he leave you?" the judge asked. "Thirteen years ago," the tired mother replied. The judge was confused. "If he left thirteen years ago, where did all these children come from?" "Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back to say he was sorry." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check-up. "Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor. "Nope," she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated a few times." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rosie Re: When will Vista be safe? Dear Webby We usually replace the computers in the office every three years or so. I realize that we can't use Vista machines, because they can't cope with our printers and scanners and all sorts of software, but if we buy XP machines now, will they still be able to cope in three or four years? Rosie Dear Rosie Yes, sure they will! The machines are the same, exactly the same hardware, they just have different software on it. Right now we don't even know for sure if there will be an SP1 patch for Vista, or if Microsoft will be coming out with a new OS to compete with Linux. Vista has driven a lot of companies over to Linux and Open Office, and I am sure Microsoft has noticed that. However, IF they improve Vista enough, and IF the printer, scanner, camera, sound and accessory industry decide to write drivers for already sold machines, you can still put Vista onto the computers a few years from now. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 10, 2007 - Washington DC - AP The treatment options for patients with early Parkinson's expanded Wednesday with the approval of a new drug in patch form — a first for medicines to treat symptoms of the disease. The once-daily Neupro patch contains a drug called rotigotine, which has not been sold before in the United States, the Food and Drug Administration said. The drug patch, made by Schwarz Pharma AG, is the first for the treatment of symptoms of Parkinson Disease. Parkinson's disease results from the loss of dopamine- producing brain cells. Dopamine is crucial for the communication between cells that control muscle movement, which explains the trembling commonly seen in Parkinson's patients. Rotigotine works by activating dopamine receptors in the brain, mimicking the neurotransmitter's effect. An estimated 1 million people in the U.S. have Parkinson's, with an additional 60,000 cases diagnosed each year. Belgium's UCB bought Germany-based Schwarz Pharma last year.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organize Tools With Fishing Tackle Boxes Fishing tackle boxes work great for keeping small power tools and their accessories and bits organized. Whenever I see fishing tackle box at a garage sale or rummage sale, I grab it. You can uses stencils and spray paint to label the outside of the box.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. He called his wife every bad name he could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, and the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, "And while you're in there, you might as well get my hat, too." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?" "Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, God made you," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in a nearby mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God must have gotten the hang of it and is doing a lot better job lately." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Wood Chips or Charcoal on the Bar-b-q http://tinyurl.com/2sal9m
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: MS Office or Open Office 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  May 21, 2007
======================================

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent,
hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two
percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.
--- Lily Tomlin

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not
know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
--- Theodore Roosevelt

=======================================

The lovers had decided that a mutual parting of the ways was
best for both of them.  However, on the way to the Airport a
rather heated debate started as to whose fault their break-up
was.

At the crowded gate, she turned and said, "Thanks for nothing
you cheap bastard."

As she went down the ramp with the other passengers, he
shouted back "Hey baby.  Don't be like that.  If you ever work
this town again, give me a call."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He
handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back
in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached
a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This
student got back his test and $64 change.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Leo Lewis Jr in Sloatsburg, NY Lost his cool May 8, 2007 - Suffern, New York - AP A man who had been acquitted of charges he groped a woman fired a sawed-off rifle at her during a court hearing over attorney’s fees, authorities said. No one was injured but the shot narrowly missed the judge’s head. “I should have shot that b—- two years ago,” Leo Lewis Jr. said as he stood up and pulled the trigger on Monday night, according to a felony complaint issued Tuesday. The complaint also said Lewis confessed he had previously thought about killing the woman. Lewis had been acquitted of charges of forcibly touching the 49-year-old woman, and on Monday he was seeking attorney’s fees from her in small claims court, according to Louis Valvo, chief assistant district attorney for Rockland County. The hearing was being held in the small town of Sloatsburg, and the courtroom on the second floor of Village Hall has no metal detectors. The shot missed the woman and struck a window several feet above a judge’s head, police said. An officer who was in the courtroom for traffic court fired off a shot, then chased Lewis down and, with the help of a bystander, tackled him, authorities said. Bail was set at $500,000, and the woman and the Sloatsburg judge, Thomas Newman, were given orders of protection against Lewis. Lewis, his face bruised, was arraigned on second-degree attempted murder and weapon possession charges Tuesday. He pleaded not guilty. Sloatsburg Mayor Carl Wright told the Journal News that an effort to install security cameras and other safety measures was under way but the plan did not include a metal detector. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== A popular cheerleader bounced into the local card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk. "Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?" she asked. "Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's a new one. It's inscribed, "To the Boy Who Got My Cherry." "Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole box." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== In the subway train the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject. "Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely simple regular life --- no effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner--a plain dinner, mark my words: after that, an hour's exercise; then.." "Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the corner, "but what were you in prison for???" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helga Re: MS Office or Open Office Dear Webby What is the difference between MS Office and Open Office? I have to get one of them. Which one do you recommend? Helga Dear Helga The biggest diffeernce that I can see is that you can install Open Office on a shirt pocket USB hard drive and run it from there when you plug it into any computer's USB port. And it is free. With MS Office you would need to buy a $500 license for each machine, with the free Open Office you got everything, from settings and preferences to your documents, spreadsheets and pictures on your portable hard drive, and basically just "borrow" the keybaord and the printer and hardware of the computer that you plug it into. The included features are about the same, though Open Office seems to be improving faster than MS Office. Whichever one you learn, that's the one you will be good at, and that one will be your preferred choice. There is no single feature that I an think of that is available in only one of them, except maybe the ability to create PDF files. You can do that with Open Office, but if you have MS Office, you need to shell out another $450 to get Adobe Acrobat Professional to do the same. Microsoft was going to include it, but backed off at the last minute, when Adobe threatened to sue. Seems there was more copying than inspiration involved. Since you don't have either one yet, and would not have to un-learn and trade the peculiarities of one of them for those of the other, I would recommend Open Office. You can download it free at http://www.openoffice.org/ Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos NEW YORK (AFP) - Two Russian-born sisters are due to become assistant professors of finance in New York state later this year, even though they are only 19 and 21, university officials said Wednesday. Angela Kniazeva and her younger sister Diana were due to take up their new positions in September at the University of Rochester, where half of their students will likely be older than them. The pair, who already have masters degrees in international policy from Stanford University in California, were picking up their doctorates from New York University's Stern business school on Wednesday after five years of study. The talented twosome told the New York Post they did not consider themselves geniuses, despite their achievements. "I don't think this is the right word or right way of putting it," the newspaper quoted Angela as saying. "I think we've been given valuable opportunities, and we found ourselves in very fortunate circumstances." The duo were home-schooled by their parents and earned the equivalent of their US high-school diploma at the ages of 10 and 11 before graduating college in Russia at the ages of 13 and 14. They graduated from Stanford in 2002. The brainiac pair, who have already been teaching international financial management at New York University, seemed unfazed by their new positions.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Energy When Drying Clothes It's best to keep your dryer hot by running one load after another. It will help maintain your dryer's heat. It consumes the most energy while it is heating up. Clean the lint dryer between every use and don't over dry clothing.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious." "No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we've been messing around for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing." "True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth.....!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world." But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Corals in a tank http://tinyurl.com/2ffduh
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby: Taking a computer to Europe 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  May 20, 2007
======================================

 "Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts
and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results."
— James Allen

=======================================

        MOTHER'S DICTIONARY

Amnesia : A condition that enables a woman who has gone through
         labor to have sex again.

Bottle Feeding : An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM too.

Defense : What you'd better have aroun de yard if you're going to
          let de children play outside.

Drooling : How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter : One who asks if the kids would care to order
             dessert.

Family Planning : The art of spacing your children the proper
                  distance apart to keep you on the edge of
                  financial disaster

Feedback : The inevitable result when the baby doesn't
           appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name : What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents : The people who think your children are wonderful
               even though they're sure you're not raising them
               right.

Grandparents II : The people about whom you are still attending
                  therapy sessions, but who you would gladly
                  send your children to for a month to take a
                  vacation.

Hearsay : What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable : A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent : How we want our children to be as long as they do
              everything we say.

Look Out! : What it's too late for your child to do by the time
            you scream it.

Prenatal : When your life was still somewhat your own.

Prepared Childbirth : A contradiction in terms.

Puddle : A small body of water that draws other small bodies
         wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off : A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize : What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling
            it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom : The distance required between the supermarket aisles
            so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach
            anything.

Temper Tantrums : What you should keep to a minimum so as to not
                  upset the children.

Thunderstorm : A chance to see how many family members can fit
               into one bed.

Top Bunk : Where you should never put a child wearing Superman
           jammies.

Two-Minute Warning : When the baby's face turns red and she
                     begins to make those familiar grunting
                     noises.

Verbal : Able to whine in words.

Weaker Sex : The kind you have after the kids have worn you
             out.

Whodunit : None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops : An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a
         sponge."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy
to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when
you don't know anything.

The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his
mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His
mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your
father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work,
and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly
hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when
he sees the mail man at his front door. The boy greets him by
saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail,
opens his arms and says, "Then come give your Daddy a big hug."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a chicken farmer in Osnabrueck, Germany Scared eggless May 8, 2007 - Osnabrueck, Germany - Ananova A German farmer has gone to court after claiming a hot air balloon scared his chickens. Johann Stresen, 47, told a court in Osnabrueck that his 20,000 birds were so frightened they stopped laying eggs. He is claiming $35,600 in damages because the Dutch hot air balloon flew just 75ft over his farm instead of the 350ft required by law. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== An elderly woman went into the doctor`s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I`d like to have some birth-control pills." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you`re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?" The woman said, "Simple, I put them in my granddaughter`s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== There are these two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again?" He asks her, "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time I hold the pigeon down and you crap on its head!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richard Re: Computer for Europe Dear Webby I have to go to Europe for six month. Can my computer be adapted to work over there, or would it be better to buy one there? I also have an Iomega remote hard drive. Does that one work there? Thanks Richard Dear Richard Yes, they all work just fine in Europe. Take along the power bar that you use now, but cut the plug off. When you get there, go to the nearest hardware store or supermarket and buy a regular plug. Each country there has a different plug, and some countries have different ones in different regions. All that talk about a united and standardized Europe is just BS. The only thing they all have in common is a dislike for Americans, and usually also a fair bit of envy.. Get the local plug and attach it to the power bar cord. Then look at the back of your computer for a tiny, red slide switch. Sometimes it is covered by tape to keep kids from playing with it. Use a pen or small screwdriver to slide that switch to the 220 setting. The same with the monitor, unless it already has a 100 - 240 Volt rating printed on the back. The Iomega remote hard drive doesn't care what voltage you power it with. It adapts automatically for anything between 100 and 240. You COULD get an adapter for the area that you go to, but they cost 8 - 10 times more than an ordinary power plug, plus shipping. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 10, 2007 - Tyneside, UK - Daily Telegraph A Tyneside woman has saved the life of her boss by donating a kidney. Angela Dawson, 44, put herself forward after tests had ruled out Alma Caldwell's mother and sister. Mrs Caldwell was diagnosed with polycystic kidneys four years ago and put on dialysis, reports the Daily Telegraph. Doctors had warned her that there was only a 30% chance a non-relative would be a match. However, the transplant was successful. Mrs Caldwell, who is chief executive of North Tyneside Age Concern, is making an excellent recovery. "She has given me the gift of life. All I can say is she is Angela by name and Angel by nature," the 49-year-old from Whitley Bay said. Mrs Dawson, who lives with her husband Malcolm and daughter Amanda in Wallsend, is her second in command at Age Concern. "I've watched her go through so much over the 12 years I've known her and just wanted to be able to do something," she said. Mrs Caldwell, who has also survived a brain aneurysm, added: "Thanks to Angela I have a quality of life I could never have anticipated."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Spices Cool Store your spices in a cool, dry space to keep them fresh. If they are too near to the stove, they will lose their flavor more quickly. Another way to keep spices fresh is to leave then whole and grind them as you need them.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel. One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes. When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others. Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Linda for this story: My wife and I are teachers, and our jobs often spill over into our family life. One morning, as our eight-year-old Maggie was getting ready for school, I peeked into her room just to be sure she had tidied it up. "You call THAT a made bed?" I asked. "No, Dad," Maggie replied. "It's just a rough draft." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Old Pictures
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Laptop Travel Necessities 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  May 19, 2007
======================================

"Products are made in the factory,
but brands are created in the mind."
— Walter Landor

=======================================

Two confirmed bachelors are talking and their conversation
drifts from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook last Christmas," says the first, "but I
could never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asks the second.
"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way,
'Take a clean dish and ...'"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A salesman of many years is tired of his job and gives it
up to become a policeman. One day, while he's walking
his beat, he meets an old friend who asks him how he
likes his new work.
"Well," says the salesman-turned-cop, "the pay is good
and the hours aren't bad. But what I like best is that the
customer is always wrong."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stakely McConnell, 25, of Galveston, Texas Bad example May 10, 2007 - Galveston, Texas - AP A high school teacher faces marijuana possession charges after drug-sniffing dogs on a routine campus sweep led police to his classroom desk, authorities said. No drugs were found in the desk of Stakely McConnell, a Spanish teacher at Ball High School. Instead, the dogs smelled papers that had a marijuana odor transferred from McConnell's hands, school police chief LeeRoy Amador said. McConnell, 25, admitted to smoking marijuana over the weekend, Amador said. Authorities said they later found a half cigarette of marijuana in his car, but that there is no evidence or suspicion that students were involved in the alleged drug use. McConnell was placed on administrative leave after being arrested on campus Tuesday. Possession of marijuana carries a maximum sentence of one year in prison and a $4,000 fine. Because the alleged discovery happened in a drug-free zone, the district attorney can increase the charge to a state jail felony, which carries a maximum two-year sentence and $10,000 fine. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== Two sweet young things are driving through Louisiana. When they reach the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argue back and forth until they stop for lunch. As they stand at the counter, one asks the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please tell us where we are? We're having trouble deciding how to pronounce it." The manager leans over the counter and says, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Groan Alert! A priest is out golfing one day. He is halfway down the first fairway, waiting to hit his second shot, when he hears the familiar, "Fore!" Immediately, a ball slams into his back. The golfer who hit the ball rushes up to him and recognizes him. "Father, I'm terribly sorry. The ball just got away from me." "That's all right, my son," the priest says. "I'm not hurt." "Thank goodness, Father!" the man exclaims. The two shake hands and the man says, "You know, Father, I've been playing this game for 40 years, and now I can tell my friends that I've hit my first holy one!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: SueEllea Re: Coping with hotels Dear Webby In my new positon, I have to do a fair bit of traveling, and so far I don't like the computer part of it one bit. My daughter told me that you travel a lot and have written about that before. Well, you haven't, since I signed up. Hopefully the other subscribers won't be bored if you write an update on your travel tips. Thanks SueElla Dear SueElla The biggest nuisance with traveling is that most hotels use high tables and low chairs. Nobody knows why, but even hotels that claim to be business oriented and have office type swivel chairs, use ridiculously high tables. Most hotel tables come from China and just like un-hemmed bargain pants, the legs are too long and need to be trimmed to suit the actually needed length. Unfortunately, that is too challenging for hotel staff. I cope with that problem by carrying a 5/16" thick piece of plexiglass trimmed to precisely fit into the lid of my big wheeled carryon. Well, nowadays I can't take it on board a plane any more and I have to check it through, but that piece of plexiglass has travelled with me for about 10 years. When I get to a hotel, I jam it into a partly opened dresser or night table drawer, and set my laptop on that. Then the separate keyboard, that I also take along, is at the perfect height for maximum typing speed while sitting in a low hotel chair. Yes, I take a regular keyboard along, with proper numeric keypad. I also take along a mouse: Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer, wired. I am used to using the side buttons for copying and pasting. I also take along the following: Wireless DSL modem card 15 foot network cable 20 foot telephone cable Female-Female telephone cable connector Telephone line one-to-two splitter 20 foot light weight extension cord (Lamp Cord) Two 27 watt spiral lightbulbs Print-out of Earthlink access numbers for the areas that I travel to. Naturally, I try to go to hotels that have wireless high- speed connections, but sometimes the room is too far away from the transmitter or the max number of people are already logged on by the time I get set up. Then old fashioned dial-up is better than nothing. I have to say that Earthlink has never let me down, even overseas. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 12, 2007 - Hendersonville, North Carolina - AP After Eric Congdon opened a crate from China and discovered a cat inside, coming up with a name for the furry stowaway was easy. China the cat had chewed through one of the boxes before it left Shanghai on April 3 and spent at least 35 days on a ship inside the container filled with motorcycle gear. ''I saw something in the container move,'' Congdon said. ''I turned up the headlights on the fork lift to get a better look.'' That was when he saw the cat cowering in a corner, weak but still alive. Congdon, owner of Olympia Moto Sports in Hendersonville, said he and a co-worker called the county's animal services when the cat would not let them near. A co-worker of Congdon's plans to adopt China, as animal service workers are calling her, if she checks out with a veterinarian. North Carolina law says any animal coming into the country must be vaccinated and quarantined for six months.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Inexpensive Desk Make a great desk top out of an old smooth door (knobs removed). Use short filing cabinets or milk crates to support the door. This is a great way to recycle old doors you may have sitting in your garage. Some sanding and staining and then a few coats of marine spar varnish will make it look really great and totally impervious to ANY spills. The darker you stain the door, the easier it will be on your eyes. If the door is painted white, paint it brown or dark green. The slate green that you may remember from old school blackboards is the easiest on the eyes. Have FUN! DerWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A scout for one of the leading colleges went to the office of the athletic director and announced, "Have I got an athlete for you! This guy can play every sport and excels at every position. He is absolutely the finest athlete I have ever seen play." The athletic director was very impressed but had to ask the question, "But how is he scholastically?" The scout replied, "He makes straight "A"s in every subject. However, I must tell you his "B"s are a little crooked." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10-speed bike. "Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300." "Easy, Dad,..." the boy replied. "I earned it hiking." "Come on," the father said. "Tell me the truth." "That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to go for a hike!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Traveler's Aid http://www.travelersaid.org/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Program Launcher 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  May 18, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================

I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will
teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn,
I must do it by listening.
--- Larry King

=======================================

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went
to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her
along.

"I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I
didn't catch a thing!"

"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish
away," his mother said.

The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas,"
Little Johnny said to his Uncle Rodney, the first time
he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas
present I ever got."

"That's great," said his Uncle Rodney. "Do you know
how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said. "My mom
gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the
day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to
play it at night.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Theresa M. Stanley-Morgan, 41 of Newport Richey, Florida Sleazy Crook May 7, 2007 - Newport Richey, Florida - AP Investigators said an 83-year-old woman was robbed of her credit card after another woman gave her crack to smoke. Pasco County sheriff's investigators are accusing accused 41-year-old Theresa M. Stanley-Morgan of getting the elderly woman to smoke crack so she could run up at least $3,200 in charges. The sheriff's office said Stanley-Morgan admitted to police that she used Shirley Hathaway's name, birth date and Social Security number to open a credit card account after having her smoke a lit crack pipe. She allegedly told police she knew Hathaway had dementia and memory loss and would not know about the credit card. Stanley-Morgan was being held at the Pasco County jail on charges of criminal use of personal identification, use of another person's ID without permission and retail theft. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== David bought his wife a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, his friend Bill asked how she was doing with it. "Oh," said David, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet." "How come?" Bill asked. "Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak...?" The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me....?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Leonard Re: Vist Launcher Dear Webby We had Vista at work, for about a week, until they gave us two days off while all machines were formatted and had XP installed on them again. Luckily we had good back-ups, otherwise it would have taken weeks. The only part about Vista that seems to have been an improvement over XP and that actually worked, was the command line program launcher. You briefly mentioned an XP version of that a couple of months ago, but I can't find that Humor letter any more. Can you send that link again? Thanks Leonard Dear Leonard The XP version of that launcher is Launchy from Launchy.net It works great, and there are tons of different skins available, with new ones being added every day. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 9, 2007 - Portsmouth, Hampshire, UK - Ananova A Portsmouth pensioner is claiming a new record after living in the same house for 96 years. Alex Baker has stayed in the two-up, two-down terrace since he was born there in 1911. When he spent his first hours there, the Titanic had yet to sail and the First World War was still three years away. The house was bought for £130 is now worth £130,000 - but Alex laughed off the idea of ever cashing in. He told the Mirror: "This house has always been my home, so why would I ever want to leave?" Alex and his wife of 68 years, Edith, 89, raised three children at the house. Son Brian, a 66-year-old retired cabinetmaker, said: "The bathroom was a tin bath in the yard and we had gas lamps until I was seven or eight." Alex's uncle, Tom Searle, bought the house at the turn of the century, passing it on to Alex's mother, Alice. She and his father, Owen, had married in 1889. Owen died in 1929 and when Alice passed away in 1957, the house went to Alex and Edith.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hanging Tools If you enough wall space, hang shovels and other garden tools upside down on your walls. For smaller tools, you can get a peg board that you can mount on your wall and fit with a variety of pegs and hooks and store tools that you need to have handy. You can also get mop closet organizers that grip the handles properly with soft cushion grips. That way wet tools don't drool down the handle and leave a blister causing crust, and it helps to keep the lower end of the handle from drying out and getting sloppy. A tight fitting tool tires you out a lot less. A mop handle rack with six spring loaded cusion grips is usually around $4.95 and holds anything except heavy sledge hammers. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Morris, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000. In all honesty I cannot unfairly accept two bribes." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Morris saying, "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== WHITE MAN SHOT BY POLICE, CONFUSION REIGNS Police in Cincinnati, Ohio shot and killed a white man today, plunging the police department into chaos and confusion. Police officials reported, "We don't know what to do. There's no forms for this kind of thing. Normally we've got fifteen levels of review, but we don't know what to do now. Hell, the Justice Department hasn't even called to ream us out." Precinct commanders dispatched riot units, but not a single case of looting or property destruction was reported. One white man was given a ticket for spitting on the sidewalk and two other whites were detained for crossing against a red light. One police officer was quoted as saying, "It's damned scary how quiet it is. It's almost like everyone is going on with their business like normal. Freaky." The Mayor of Cincinnati's office was also embroiled in turmoil. "We're actively seeking someone with whom to engage a series of dialogues to, uhhh, do something about, umm, this." So far, no person or group has accepted the Mayor's offer to "enter into dialogue" about the shooting or its effect on the community. The Mayor's office did report they received three phone calls wondering when the Cincinnati Reds' first home game would be. ========================================
Thanks to Martin for today's Bonus Link:: Roadside America http://roadsideamerica.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Spyware and virus protection 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  May 17, 2007
======================================

Our lives improve only when we take chances -
and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be
honest with ourselves.
--- Walter Anderson

"Of cheerfulness, or a good temper -
the more it is spent, the more of it remains."
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

=======================================

A fellow got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling
that something about this day was to be different.

Something unusual WAS about to happen today.
He glanced out the window at the thermometer:
33 degrees.  He went downstairs - the clock had
stopped at 3 o'clock.  He picked up the newspaper
and read the date: the 3rd of the month.

Threes - that was it!  He grabbed the paper and
flipped it open to the racing section.  Sure enough
in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio!
The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life
savings and bet it all on the horse to win.

The horse finished 3rd.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he
called a local repair shop where a friendly man
informed him that the printer probably needed only
to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for
such cleanings, he told him he might be better off
reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does
your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied
sheepishly. "We usually make more money on
repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves
first."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Brian Anton, minister at Living Word Church in Tampa, Florida Dopey Preacher May 7, 2007 - Tampa, Florida - AP A 70-year-old minister faces drug charges after police said he had crack cocaine at his church. Police said an officer approached David Brian Anton Sunday in the parking lot of Living Word Church in Tampa. The officer searched Anton and reported finding a plastic bag with 16 rocks of crack cocaine in his shirt pocket. An affidavit said police also recovered a crack pipe. Anton was charged with possession of cocaine, possession of cocaine within 1,000-feet of a church and possession of drug paraphernalia. He remains in jail on a $17,500 bond. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== A reporter was interviewing Jack Nicklaus. He said, "Jack, you are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What is your secret?" To which Jack replied, "The holes are numbered!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A civil servant is badly hurt falling down the stairs of the Ministry of Absorption in Jerusalem. He is taken to Hadassah hospital where he remains in a coma for several days. Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him: "My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you'll never be able to work again..." "Nu," muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pat Re: Spyware Protection Dear Webby I love your Humor Letter and was wondering if you could help me...do you know what the best spyware and virus protection to run on your computer..I am haveing problems and don't know what to get...Thanks Pat Dear Pat I use McAfee Virus Scan and McAfee FireWall and Spybot-Search&Destroy from the left side menu in the Humor Letter. That one is free. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 10, 2007 - Zhengzhou City, Henan, China - Ananova An 87-year-old grandfather is studying law in China after his own lawyer let him down. Wang Jianbang, 87, of Zhengzhou city, Henan province, is taking the course with students a quarter of his age. "I was in a lawsuit for two years concerning my apartment, and suffered a lot for my lack of knowledge," he told the Zhengzhou Evening News. The lawyer he hired confused a civil case with an administrative case, which made him realise the importance of knowing more about the law. "The case lasted two years, which wasted a lot of my time and money. Since I am still able, I want to become a lawyer," he added. The Zhengzhou Justice training school has waived all of Wang's tuition fees because of his age. School president Sun Jiwen said: "We were touched by his spirit. He is the most senior student we have had and we want to help him realise his dream."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Mushrooms When cooking mushrooms, always be sure to cook them with low heat and do not allow them to cook too long. If you do, they will become tough and will shrivel. Very little additional liquid is needed, because mushrooms are ninety percent water.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
"TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR DEAD NEIGHBORS" If you share a home with a friend or relative, be thankful. They will give you company and support. And if you happen to die, they will miss you dearly, especially when the dishes start to pile up. Not everyone is so lucky. A 40-year-old woman in Marburg, Germany, lay dead in her apartment for more than 10 months before police found her body. The body was discovered only because the landlord cared enough to ask, "Where's my darn rent?" The woman's neighbors hadn't noticed anything strange. They had apparently assumed she was hibernating. Just like Al Gore. Such cases seem to be a major problem in Germany, where death often arrives a few months, even a few years, before the undertaker. That's partly because of the country's efficient banking system, which makes automatic bill-paying so easy, even dead people can do it. In 1998, a Hamburg man was found dead on his sofa. He had expired five years earlier, but, sitting in front of his television, he looked just as lively as most men. The only thing missing was a sign that said, "I'd get up to answer the door, but I'm dead tired." Unfortunately Germany isn't the only country where dead people are taking up valuable apartment space. Russian workers once found a man's skeletal remains in a room in a communal apartment. He had been dead for five years, but the families sharing the other rooms were too preoccupied to realize that a room was available. Even people with roommates sometimes find themselves neglected, as did 43-year-old William Everett Delaney. The Key West, Florida, man lay dead on his kitchen floor for two months. His 78-year-old roommate recalled that Delaney had fallen on the floor, but thought he was still alive, perhaps doing some close-up research on the kitchen tiles. The roommate offered to take Delaney to the hospital or get him something to eat or drink, but when Delaney didn't reply, the roommate made the only logical conclusion: Delaney was very stubborn. The 78-year-old stepped over Delaney's body for two months, probably shaking his head and thinking, "I wish he'd get up and help me clean the kitchen. It's starting to get an awful smell." Nobody deserves to die so anonymously. That's why it's important to check on your neighbors regularly, especially if they're elderly. Just knock on their doors and ask if they're OK. You: "Hello! Is anyone there?" Female neighbor (shouting from behind her door): "Whatever you're selling, we don't want any. That includes religion." You: "I'm not selling anything. I'm your neighbor. Just stopping by to make sure you aren't dead." Neighbor: "Dead? No, I don't think I'm dead. But I'm not sure about my husband. He hasn't moved from the couch since 1983. Do you think that's abnormal?" You: "Only if he isn't holding the remote." If you don't want to disturb your neighbors, keep a lookout for signs that they may have died years ago. Here are a few telltales: ---The grass around their home is so tall, the Boy Scouts want to camp there. ---Their blue Volvo has gradually turned white, getting a free paint job from the birds. ---They have a sign on their driveway that reads, "Grover Cleveland for President." ---They're still flying the confederate flag. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== "Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Futh, sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand. The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet. "Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and smiling, "Oh! Boy!" His mother said, "I don't want you...." Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. "Futh, you're turtle is not dead after all." "Oh," the disappointed boy said. "Can I kill it?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: lStrange Colors http://snipurl.com/1kw3x
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Norton 360 Problem 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  May 16, 2007
======================================

He who laughs, lasts.
--- Mary Pettibone Poole

=======================================

A tractor salesman was passing a farm, where the farmer
was plowing the field with a bull. He goes over and offers
to sell the farmer a tractor to plow with. The farmer tells
him "I don't need a tractor, I have three new ones at the
barn"

Well if you have three new tractors at the barn, why are you
plowing this field with that bull, asked the salesman ?

The farmer replied, "This is part of the bulls continuing
education. I am teaching him that there is more to farming
than messing with cows and tearing down fences.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced
into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly
what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam,"
he said at length, "I've just three things to tell
you."

"First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds.
Second, you should use about one tenth as
much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist -
the doctor's office is on the next floor."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to car drivers in Jerusalem and a Darwin Award goes to Moshe Yisraeli, 63 of Jerusalem Worse than New York! May 8, 2007 - Jerusalem - Reuters More than two dozen Israeli motorists maneuvered around the dead body of a road accident victim lying in the middle of a busy intersection, failing to stop to help in an incident captured by a traffic camera. In footage broadcast by Israeli television stations on Monday and in a series of photographs on newspaper front pages, motorcyclist Moshe Yisraeli was seen trying to squeeze between two trucks at a junction on a highway near Tel Aviv Sunday. He never made it. The camera captured his body lying near the centre of the four-way intersection, his motorcycle meters away on its side. Some 30 cars and trucks slowed down and then carefully drove around the prone motorcyclist in a stream of traffic that continued for nearly two minutes before a driver stopped his vehicle and approached the body. An ambulance crew later pronounced Yisraeli, 63, dead at the scene ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture! =========================================== Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me "You're next!" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== When an express train to London made an unscheduled stop at Reading, the philosopher, C.E.M. Joad, climbed aboard. "You¹ve got to get off sir," the guard told him, "this train doesn¹t stop here." Replied Joad, "In that case, don't worry. If it didn't stop here, I didn't get on it." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elsie Re: Norton Dear Webby I found out the hard way, again, that I should have followed your advice instead of listening to our IT manager. It seems that Vista + Norton is fatal. All of our company machines are too slow to work on, and don't even open browsers any more. My borrowed daughter's laptop with XP on it is our only properly working machine. (Her laptop is borrowed, she isnt). The company machines are so badly trashed, we can't even uninstall Norton. You mentioned a tool for cleaning out Norton once. Would that work to get the machines to work again? And how do we get it onto machines that can't browse any more? Thanks Elsie Dear Elsie Just browse with the laptop to my tool box and look for the Norton Removal Tool. Download it to the laptop and burn it onto a CD, or send it to each machine over the office network. Just copy the download right onto the desktop, then hit that icon. Once you have Norton removed, your machines will work exactly the same as they did before they installed Norton. There is apparently no lasting damage. From what I read, they had a wacky update patch, that Norton downloaded automatically, and it slowly cripples the machines infected with it. You will probably hear a lot more about Norton 360's problem in the next few days. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 9, 2007 - Merrill, Wisconsin - AP A service station that offered discounted gas to senior citizens and people supporting youth sports has been ordered by the state to raise its prices. Center City BP owner Raj Bhandari has been offering senior citizens a 2 cent per gallon price break and discount cards that let sports boosters pay 3 cents less per gallon. But the state Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection said those deals violate Wisconsin's Unfair Sales Act, which requires stations to sell gas for about 92 percent more than the wholesale price. Bhandari said he received a letter from the state auditor last month saying the state would sue him if he did not raise his prices. The state could penalize him for each discounted gallon he sold, with the fine determined by a judge. Bhandari, who bought the station a year ago, said he worries customers will think he stopped the discounts because he wants to make more money. About 10 percent of his customers had used the discount cards.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Seafood Odors From Hands To remove seafood odor from your hands after dealing with boiled shrimp, crab, fish, etc., simply sprinkle salt onto wet hands, rub and rinse. No more odors. Lemon juice also works well for removing seafood smells. By Patricia
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell "straight." The boy did so correctly. "Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?" "Without water." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was suddenly and silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned. Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Oh, no he didn't. In fact, my husband just walked in the front door." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: DreamWeaver Site List back-up 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  May 15, 2007
======================================

Thoughts, like fleas, jump from man to man.
But they don't bite everybody.
--- Stanislaw Lec

=======================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:

The priest was passing a group of young teens sitting on
the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.

"Nothing much, father," replied one boy. "We were just seeing
who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."

"Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was
your age, I never even thought about sex."

In unison they all replied, "You win!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out
that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents'
occupations.

The teacher pulled me aside.
Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little
bit more to your daughter what you do for a living."

I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars
in motel conference rooms. When I asked why, the teacher
explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn't sure
what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went
to work at motels."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Scott Barricklow, of Manchester, Missouri No talent for drumming May 4, 2007 - Manchester, Missouri - AP A music teacher who twice ordered a seven-year-old pupil to hit himself in the head with drum mallets will not return to the Parkway School District next year. The incident happened on February 9th in teacher Paul Provencio's music class at Carman Trails Elementary School in suburban St. Louis. State officials say the 36-year-old teacher intended the head-banging as a lesson to Justin Barricklow about hitting the drums too hard. The Missouri Department of Social Services investigated the case at the request of the boy's father, Scott Barricklow, who works as a groundskeeper for the Parkway district. Provencio has since apologized. School officials called the incident "unprofessional and totally inappropriate." ------------------------- What ever happened to: "An indoor drum is a precision instrument. Don't hit it any harder than you would hit your head!" ? Somehow I doubt that thousands of years of drummer tradition are going to be made obsolete because of a wimp and some clueless dogooders. Drumming is not for wimps. Just like the profession of beer tasting requires some pre-existing alcoholism, most musicians feel that really good drumming requires a certain amount of pre-existing brain damage. Otherwise, thousands of drummer jokes would be obsolete! ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Mike for sending this picture! I shot these at The Butterfly Farm last week on the island of St Maarten ... enjoy! Mike =========================================== Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car? He had to break a window to get the drummer out! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I asked my drummer to spell "Mississippi"... He said, "the river or the state?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do trumpet players park in the handicap spots? They put drumsticks on the dash. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call a drummer who's lost his girlfriend? A: Homeless. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call a kid with a set of drums? A: Poster child for Birth Control. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this report: May 13, 2007 - Rome, Italy - AFP A 24-year-old Sicilian man under house arrest called for police to bring him to jail because he could no longer put up with arguments with his mother and stepfather, a news agency reported Saturday. Marcello Lazzara, under house arrest in connection with counterfeit CD sales, preferred going outside the house to be arrested for escape rather than remain with his family in Palermo, Ansa agency said. "I am so glad to meet you," the man told police when they arrived to arrest him in the street outside his home. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lynda Re: DreamWeaver Site List Dear Webby I use DreamWeaver to take care of the sites of about a dozen clients. I love the program and see why all the PROs use it. But about twice a year it trashes the site list and I have to manually punch in the whole set-up for each site. You mentioned that you use DreamWeaver. Does yours do that too, and how do you cope with it? Lynda Dear Lynda It's a known bug, and is not likely to ever get fixed. However, a few years ago Jörg Schmalenberger in Germany made a little back-up utility for backing up the site list and your preferences settings. You can get it free at http://mm-exporter.joexx.de/ You can even export your site list and prefereces onto a key-fob RAM disk or camera chip to store in a safety deposit box far away from your computer. If you lose this link, it is also in my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools.html Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 8, 2007 - Xuzhou, China - Yangtse Evening Post A 92-year-old grandmother jumped into a fishing lake in China to save a four-year-old boy. Lu Bohua, who is 5ft 1ins tall, jumped into the 6ft deep lake, near Xuzhou city, without a second thought when she heard the boy crying. "I was going home after visiting a neighbor, and heard a kid crying," she told the Yangtse Evening Post. Seeing no one else around, Lu jumped into the lake, grabbed the little boy and held his head above water but the banks were too steep for her to get out again. "The kid was so scared, and I could feel him shivering," she said. "I felt myself gradually losing strength, so I shouted out for help." Villagers heard the cry and ran for the lake, and were surprised to see the pensioner holding the child while shouting for help. Villagers praised Lu's courage.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Beans Without Gas You can reduce gas from eating beans by boiling beans for 1/2 hour, rinsing, and soaking for several more hours. This methods works because triglycerides soak out and get discarded. I rinse beans multiple times, even canned ones. By Rose
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent my daughter in here for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales." The baker looked at her calmly and replied, "Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your daughter." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked. "Yes," Chris said. "She's visiting." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we need her, we just go out there and get her." ========================================
Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link:: Really old photos http://www.shorpy.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Special Quarters 

Monday,  May 14, 2007
======================================

I am sorry about yesterday's Humor Letter being late, like
usual on Mothers Day. I sent it out at the normal time, but
on Mothers Day (and Fathers Day) I give server priority to
the postcards.


Two words never heard
In polite conversation
"Microsoft Vista"
--- Dave, ThinkGeek Techie Haiku Winner

Please let's keep this polite. If you have an urge to talk
dirty, please contact the vendor who conned you into
buying a Vista machine.

=======================================

Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi.

He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her.
I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says,
"I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours,
or rather listened to her for four hours."

Schwartz says, Do you have any advice?"

The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow
and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor's
bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to
watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.

"Yeah daddy, yeah daddy," said the little boy.

After a while the boy came into the living where his father was
talking with some friends. "Say, Pop," said the boy. "Yes,"
replied his father.

"The bull just mounted the brown cow."

There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said
"Excuse me" and took his son outside. "Son, you mustn't use
language like that in front of company. You should say 'The
bull surprised the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me
when the bull surprises the white cow."

The father went back inside the house. After a while the boy
came in and said, "Hey, Daddy."

"Yes, son. Did the bull surprise the white cow?"

"He sure did, Pop! He mounted the brown cow again!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Judge Jose Felipe Ledur in Brazil Judge obviously does not understand the situation May 5, 2007 - Brazil - BBC News A Brazilian brewery has been ordered to pay $49,000 to an alcoholic beer taster who claims the company failed to prevent his condition. The man, who has not been named, said the company, Ambev, did not provide him with adequate health care to stop him from developing alcoholism. He said that for more than a decade he drank around one and a half litres of beer each day. But Ambev says that the employee was an alcoholic before he took the job. The employee says he drank between 16 and 25 small glasses of beer during each eight hour shift at the company, and was also given a bottle of beer at the end of each shift. An initial ruling favoured Ambev, which claimed the man was already an alcoholic. But Judge Jose Felipe Ledur said the company was still negligent because an alcoholic should have never been employed as a beer taster. He added that the man's alcohol dependency had worsened in recent years, and that he felt like drinking the same amount on holiday as he drank at work. -------------------------- 1.5 liters of beer per day don't make a college student or NASCAR fan an alcoholic. However, a professional beer taster has to have a pre-existing immunity. He has to be able to be sober enough at the end of the shift, so that he can still tell the slightest change in taste. Most beer tasters drink less on work days than on days off. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture! Somebody is going to get yelled at! =========================================== A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing. The week's a freebie." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it," says St. Peter and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. St. Peter answered, "He's on a snow tire somewhere in Alaska." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Grandma Buttercup Re: Special Quarters Hi Webby I found the article on the quarter interesting. As a coin collector, I was wondering how one may go about obtaining a few of these coins. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank-you Grandma Buttercup Dear Grandma Buttercup They didn't really flood the market with them because they figured if they were scarce they would be noticed more. I had some of the Support The Troops quarters with the poppy, but have given them away to friends who have sons fighting in Afghanistan. The Breast Cancer quarter that I showed you in yesterday's Humor Letter is well used, as you saw, and definitely not collector's grade. To get it "Brilliant, Uncirculated", in a sealed pouch, you'll have to go to a reputable coin wholesaler like http://www.colonialacres.com/cgi-bin/di ... kribbon25c That run is finished and there won't be any more new ones. For the poppy (Support the troops) quarter there is the red poppy http://www.colonialacres.com/cgi-bin/di ... poppy25cbu and the gold poppy on pure silver for the serious collectors: http://www.colonialacres.com/cgi-bin/di ... 005_annual That was a very limited edition of only 15,000 world wide. It is already trading at over US$25, and expected to go up steeply. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 8, 2007 - Cincinnati, Ohio - AP Don't try to dupe Kent Parker just because he's blind and operates a deli in the Hamilton County Courthouse. Every once in a while, somebody tries to cheat him despite the security cameras trained on the cash register and about a dozen sheriff's deputies a few steps away. In the past two weeks, two women offered bills smaller than they claimed and were arrested within minutes. ''I have a lot of friends who watch out for me,'' said Parker, 43, who has been operating the Courthouse Deli for eight years. Sometimes Parker can tell if a customer is acting suspiciously. ''They test me, hand me money, seeing if I know what it is,'' he said. ''I don't see at all, but there are tricks to the trade.'' One is to simply lay the bill on the counter and ask one of his three employees to verify it. But not until the customer turns away. ''I don't want to insult anybody by making them think I'm doubting them,'' Parker said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sweetening Whipped Cream Sweeten homemade whipped cream with Confectioner's (powdered) sugar instead of granulated sugar, if you like sweet whipped cream. The cream will hold its shape better, and be fluffier. By Nancy Keep in mind that Confectioner's Sugar or Icing Sugar usually contains starch. To get the same level of sweetness as with regular sugar, you have to add about 25% more by weight. If somebody is on a strict, starch-free diet, don't use icing sugar. For best results I start with 35 - 38% real whipping cream, beat it at high speed until it just starts to show peaks and valleys, then I stop the beater and add regular sugar, pulse the beater to mix in the sugar and then let it sit for about a minute. After that I beat it again at high speed until I see firm, stiff peaks that have no gloss and look just a bit coarse. That makes stiff gourmet whipped cream that can be applied to the side of a cake and won't sag or run. It will be just as firm as that semi-edible wall spackling compound sold in little tubs, but tastes much better. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A young couple had just returned from their honeymoon and were settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one night, the landlady met the man in the hallway. She said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I wonder if you and your bride would like to have them?" "I'll ask her," the young man responded. He opened his door and called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight?" "Hey, Pal," she retorted. "If you show me one more trick with that thing, I'm going home to mother." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the homeowner, "My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains," the homeowner replied. "Normally, yes," the lady said. "But he just fell off the roof and broke both his legs, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Tapioka http://snipurl.com/1khga
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Polite Language 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  May 13, 2007

Happy Mothers Day!

======================================

Two words never heard
In polite conversation
"Microsoft Vista"
--- Dave, ThinkGeek Techie Haiku Winner

Please let's keep this polite. If you have an urge to talk
dirty, please contact the vendor who conned you into
buying a Vista machine.

=======================================

Thanks to Rubye for bringing back this Mother's Day Classic:

"25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER"
 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just
finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into
the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're
not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to
freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you
are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come
running to me."

21.My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born
in a cave?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite:My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and they will turn out just like YOU" !!!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the
teacher singled him out.
"If I gave you $200," the teacher began, "and you gave
$50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would
you have?"
"Well, it sure would be no orgy!" Johnny  answered,
"Helen, my girlfriend, would bust my skull for that!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to City Hall in Palermo, Sicily Chicago style electioneering May 4, 2007 - Sicily, Italy - AFP Palermo's city hall has hired 110 new bus drivers -- none of whom have a license to drive a bus, sources said Friday. The hirings have come ahead of May 13 and 14 local elections in the Sicilian city. Election season in Sicily often brings revelations of questionable municipal hirings, a practice denounced by critics as a vote-winning tactic. Italian paper Corriere della Sera reported the bus driver hirings on Friday and source close to the public transport president confirmed them. "For the moment, we can't do anything with them," the source said. "As long as they have not earned their permits, they are paid but must wait to be assigned." ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sue for sending this picture of her Mellow Yellow roses! =========================================== had been misbehaving and was sent to bed. After a while emerged and informed mother that had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you about your misbehaving, He will help you." "Oh, I don't need help with misbehavin' ", said . "I asked Him to help me not to get caught quite so much." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Sue noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help." "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lollytoo Re: Unavailable At 09:29 AM 5/12/2007, Lollytoo@***.com wrote: Hello, I am unavailable to read your message at this time. Dear Lollytoo You don't really have to tell me each time when you are busy playing with yourself. DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 8, 2007 - Twin Falls, Idaho - AP Glenn Goodlove said he was likely smooching with a girl in the expansive back seat of a 1946 Hudson when his wallet slipped from his pants pocket more than five decades ago. The year was 1952. Goodlove was a sailor home on leave from the U.S. Navy. The Hudson belonged to his grandfather, who lived in Western Washington. He'd long since forgotten about the lost leather billfold, until last month when he got a phone call from a pair of southern Idaho car collectors, Jon Beck, 61, and Chuck Merrill, 72, both from Twin Falls, told him they'd found the wallet. Inside were a $10 bill, a $1silver certificate, military identification, Social Security card and a handwritten Washington state driver's license. ''If it was in my sailor-mentality years, I might have attempted to, as they said in those years, 'make out,''' Goodlove, who now lives in California, told the Twin Falls Times-News, on why the wallet went missing. After an Internet search, Beck found Goodlove, now 75, at his home in San Diego.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Tupperware Unstained In order to keep your Tupperware looking new, try this. Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces. There won't be any stains, it should all just wash out.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. That will be $100. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith: "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office... =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Q: How can I avoid always being handed other peoples' drooling brats? A: Drop one or two.... ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Soap Sculptures http://tinyurl.com/2ddk39
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Tech Haiku 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  May 19, 2007
======================================

The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but
the habits he has acquired during the first half.
--- Fyodor Dostoevsky

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to
fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an
artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
--- Jay Leno

=======================================

From Shirley:

Sensational warnings spawned south of the border
WASHINGTON (AP) - An odd-looking Canadian quarter with a
bright red flower was the culprit behind a false espionage
warning from the U.S. Defense Department about mysterious
coins with radio frequency transmitters, The Associated Press
has learned.

The harmless ''poppy quarter'' was so unfamiliar to suspicious
U.S. army contractors travelling in Canada that they filed
confidential espionage accounts about them. The worried
contractors described the coins as ''filled with something
man-made that looked like nano-technology,'' according to
once-classified U.S. government reports and e-mails
obtained by the AP.

The silver-coloured 25-cent piece features the red image of a
poppy, Canada's flower of remembrance and support for the
troops, inlaid over a maple leaf..

..........
Shirley


Dear Shirley
We don't just have Support The Troops quarters with the red
poppy, we also have Breast Cancer Quarters with the pink
ribbon. This one is a bit worn, but the only one I had in my
wallet today.


Ask your friends to click on the pretty link to the Breast
Cancer Site in the left side menu! Give them a free gift
subscription to the Humor Letter to make sure they click.

On May 10, 2007, you and others who clicked on the breast
cancer site button funded 12.1 mammograms for women who
could not afford one. That is awesome !

Have FUN!
DearWebby

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to
his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational
theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects
of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment
form  which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes,
but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to York Heiden, 36, of Stevens Point, Wisconsin Too dumb to own a car May 5, 2007 - Stevens Point, Wisconsin AP A Stevens Point man thought he was lucky to recover his car after it was stolen - until it was stolen again later that day. York Heiden's pearl-colored 1990 Audi Quattro was stolen from a grocery store parking lot April 27 while his wife was running errands. The keys had been left in it. Heiden, 36, who owns a automotive repair shop, quickly called some friends and the car was found nearby, without keys. He said he had a friend disable the car's ignition by removing a coil wire while he left it to pick up a spare key. When he returned, the car was gone. He had forgotten, he said, that that model Audi had a two-coil system and could be driven with just one. He also forgot that the car thief still had the original set of keys, and that ONE fuse taken out, would have disabled the entire ignition system. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Joann for sending this picture of her Miltonia Orchid =========================================== Once you reach mid-level management, promotions are hard to come by at the state highway dept. I congratulated one woman on her recent upgrade and asked if she would mind telling me how she pulled it off. She smiled and said, "Well, sure. But I doubt very much if it'll do you any good." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom." When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?" "What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?" "I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Linda Re: Laptop for College Dear Webby Thanks for the good work - keep us smiling :) Is there any way to search the archives of your newsletters? I remember a comment not too long ago about the Vista. I want to look up what was said as I am in the market for a new laptop. As a graduation gift I want to get my son a laptop to take to college with him and am looking at getting a Dell. Any suggestions on which model series to look at? Besides using the computer for internet research and writing papers, the main thing my son loves to do is use the computer/cd drive to play his music. Thanks, Linda Dear Linda ----------------------------------- Last month's ThinkGeek Techie Haiku Winner is: Dave, from Mont Vernon, New Hampshire! Here is the winning Haiku: two words never heard in polite conversation Microsoft Vista ---------------------------------- The writers at "Think Geek" are not paid shills like the writers at computer magazines, that have hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of Vista ads every month. The "Think Geek" people are the techies and programmers, who are free to say what they feel. None of them will lower their standards and use Vista. Do you know what that means? It means there is no grass roots support of friendly neighborhood geeks and techies who can help you out with Vista. If you got conned into Vista, then YOU got a problem. They don't. DELL does have XP laptops again, and so do most other brands too. For college and anything work related, the cheapest laptop will be more than good enough, especially if it has XP and you upgrade the RAM to 1 GB. If game playing is a priority, then a more expensive model would make a difference. Games are much more demanding than work or research. However, even there, the biggest consideration seems to be the bragging about specs on the school bus, not actual performance. Don't waste money on fancy speakers. He probably already has a boom box with an AUX input to plug in stuff like a line from a record player or whatever. If he doesn't, they are cheap at pawn shops and second hand stores. A boom box has a great amplifier and puts out much better sound than any of those overpriced computer squeakers. He can plug in a cable from the laptop to the boombox and use it instead of squeakers. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 8, 2007 - Cary, North Carolina - The News & Observer Thanks to new behavioral therapy at a Duke University Medical Center clinic, 9-year-old Rick Shocket is doing what seemed impossible for him a year ago: gain control over Tourette's syndrome, a brain disorder that causes repetitive movements and sounds. The illness made it difficult for him to cross a room. A myriad of tics he's battled include sniffs, coughs, yips, fidgets and twitches. Rick felt compelled to do a deep knee bend with nearly every step, leaving him exhausted by the end of the day. Since starting behavioral therapy at Duke last year, he can recognize the warning signs that precede the tics, then resist the urge to perform them. The therapy also has enabled him to stop many of the prescription medications he took. The therapy goes against years of thought on Tourette's Syndrome, which has held that the tics are involuntary and that it's best for those with the illness to simply ignore them. The habit-reversal training offered at Duke teaches the exact opposite, instructing patients to stay hyper-aware of tics so they can anticipate and suppress them. ''He hasn't squatted since September,'' said Clare Shocket, who says she would have tried behavioral therapy before drugs if she had known it was an option. ''I've tried to figure out why more people don't rush out and do this.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pressing Rice Krispy Treats Love Rice Krispy Treats but hate the mess? Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan and the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers. Butter or oil rubbed on your fingers can also be used.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this literary masterpiece: (don't think of it as blasphemy, but as literary art) CARSTIANITY "Haul a Yugo. Haul a Yugo." Gearly beloved, we are Blazered here in the name of our Four-door, who art in Half-ton. I'm speaking of our lord and Mazda, Jeep-sus Chrysler. He is the Alfa and the Romeo. He was born in a Ranger, he was Tempo'd by the DeVille, and he Daihatsu'd for your Sentras. He said, "Dodge not, that ye not be Dodged. Thou shalt not Corvette thy neighbor's Whitewall, but turn the other Cherokee. If ye have Fiat, ye can move Montecarlos. He ain't Chevy, he's my Beretta." He ate the Last Supra, and he climbed the mount of Cavalier, where they Cruise-controlled him on the Motocross. But God, in his Infiniti Mercedes, did Rolls away the Stanza. Let us Prelude: Sayeth the prophet Isuzu, in the Dusenburg Bible, In the 23rd Saab, "The Ford is my Chauffeur. I shall not Walk. He Lexus me in the paths of Right-turn-signals. Yea, though I walk through the Valet of the Shadow of Dart, I shall Fiero no Eagle. Subaru Goodwrench and Mercury shall Volvo me Audi Daytonas of my life, and I shall Dwellmeter house of Delorean, Four-cylinder." Gloria, In Ex-Celica Geo! GM =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, " Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don't have a maid," said the woman. The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house." The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?" The maid replied, "He is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife." The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with." The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?" The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool." Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here." A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Ted http://www.ted.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: No Injuries 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  May 11, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================

You don't stop laughing because you grow old.
You grow old because you stop laughing.
--- Michael Pritchard

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the
only animal that is struck with the difference between what
things are and what they ought to be.
--- William Hazlitt

=======================================

Dear Webby,

Thanks for the humor newsletter.
I have an addition for today's "Advice to aspiring newsletter writers."

Eschew obfuscation.
*****************
Richard

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Two dogs were walking down the street.  The one dog says to
the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks
across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a
minute, then walks back across the street.

The other dog says, "What was that about?"

The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my p-mail."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elizabeth Logan, 41 of Hillsboro, oregon Caught! May 2, 2007 - Hillsboro, Oregon - AP A Hillsboro mother found her daughter's missing winter coat on eBay, and now a teacher at the girl's elementary school faces charges of theft and computer crimes. Elizabeth Logan, 41,is on PAID administrative leave from Jackson Elementary. She denies stealing the coat, saying she got it from a lost-and-found. The mother searched the school's lost and found for the coat, then decided to turn to eBay for a replacement. After finding a seemingly identical coat, she noticed that the seller was from Hillsboro. The mother alerted another bidder that the coat might be stolen, and the other bidder relayed the information to Logan, the seller. Skinner said Logan asked the other bidder to outbid the girl's mother. Logan's salary is nearly $69,000 a year, and she has taught 20 years at two elementary schools. She is to appear in court Friday. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture of her canna =========================================== Thanks to Dora for this story: One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40+, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us. "Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I thought. Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You taught me in third grade." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains of Alberta spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 1200-foot embankment, landed on it's roof, and burst into flames. There were no injuries. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Darlene Re: SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify Good Morning, DearWebby This is in reply to Don and removing the Firewall Disable notify from his Spybot. I had the same problem all the time and finally I right clicked on it when it appeared in the remove panel and then clicked on DO NOT CHECK FOR THIS and it stopped coming up all the time. Have a super day and thanks again for the great humour letter Darlene Dear Darlene yes, that certainly works, and with that particular item is quite safe to use. You can also tell it not to worry about navigational cookies for your bank, telephone company Amazon, and other legitimate places. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 7, 2007 - Attalla, Alabama - AP Shoppers entering the Wal-Mart Supercenter in Attalla got a reminder not to try anything funny: Two shoplifters stood outside with signs reading "I am a thief, I stole from Wal-Mart." Attalla City Judge Kenneth Robertson Jr. ordered the two people to wear the signs for four hours each during two successive Saturdays. "The only comments we've heard so far have been positive," said store manager Neil Hawkins. "Most of them thought it was a good thing." One of the shoplifters, Lisa King Fithian, 46, wore the sign from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Another convicted shoplifter was at the store from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. Hawkins noted how embarrassing it would be for the public to see someone who got caught shoplifting. "Maybe they'll think twice about doing it," he said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Potato Storage To keep potatoes from budding, place a small apple in the bag with the potatoes. You should also store them in a dark, cool location and keep them away from onions, to avoid moldy potatoes and onions.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A driver who was bringing a meticulously prepared and pre-dented bus to a location in New York City for an on-location movie shoot, was too early and drove to a nearby restaurant to wait there. Just to be funny, he carefully lined up the artificial dent at the front with a light pole. When he came back out of the restaurant, there were eight passengers in the bus, moaning and groaning about whiplash and talking to their lawyers on their cellphones. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks, Webby. As usual, you were more helpful than Microsoft. I am almost tempted to go out and buy a Mac. Carol Hi Webby And I can thoroughly understand that removing Outlook Express is better than just setting the default to a better email program. It is a constant pain to clean all these machines just because of the attachments, so many people are too dumb to not open. Always great to see the Humor letter come in. Have a truly wonderful day. Jerome ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Solar System http://tinyurl.com/2l2gn4
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Firewall Disable Notify 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  May 10, 2007
======================================

“I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war
demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as
you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.”
--- Mother Teresa

You can't really fight for peace, but we intend to make sure
that from now on the inevitable hostilities take place on
their turf, and not on ours.
--- G.W. Bush

=======================================

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I
couldn't see where the ball went."
"But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife,
"Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore,"
protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball,"
Tracy pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung,
and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
"Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"Where is what ?", Scott answered.
"My ball! My golf ball!"
"Oh, I don't know. I was watching that cute lady over there.
Her ball went into the water."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount
of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor
noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections
manager left a voice-mail for them saying,
"We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect
phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nick LaBoda and Jenna Caputo of Ballstonspa, New York Bats in the attic May 3, 2007 - Ballstonspa, New York - AP An upstate New York couple didn't think a few bats in the attic were much of a problem when they were buying a house last summer. Months later, they found out how wrong they were when they discovered more than a ton and a half of bat droppings up there. Nick LaBoda and Jenna Caputo say a home inspector informed them about the bats. They called an exterminator, who told them to wait a while before removing the bats because the babies were too young to fly. Then they forgot about the bats until they smelled a foul odor in January. When they checked the attic, they found dead bats and piles of guano. An exterminator says hundreds of bats had been living in the attic, leaving behind 3,500 pounds of droppings. It cost $25,000 to clean up the mess, and the couple's insurance company wouldn't cover it. ------------------ Why should the insurance company cover a pre-existing condition? That's just as hilarious as an "exterminator" who is concerned about pests, which he is paid to exterminate, not being able to fly away. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture of her neighborhood shrouded in forest fire smoke. =========================================== Three pastors from different congregations were having lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other out with their different fellowships. After several minutes of animated conversation, the first one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem at our church that I want to discuss with you guys." The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way of a good church service." The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head. The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We went up there, got to know 'em a little bit, got 'em baptized and started passing the collection plate to them. Haven't seen 'em since." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Chelsea Clinton was talking to a combat decorated soldier and she asked him what three things he worried him most. He answered: "Osama, Obama, and Yo Mama." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Don Camillo Re: SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify Bonjour support@webby.com, Could you tell me if I should remove the following: "SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify" I use Search & Destroy and the program asks me to remove that item.... Thank you for your help. Don Camillo Dear Don Don't worry about that. It's just a Windows bug about Windows getting into a snit when you use a better fire wall than the Windows fire wall. Just ignore that. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Re yesterday's Kudo From Donovan: Dear Webby For what it's worth, the service in Illinois is great but it's not unique. We have a similar one in Medicine Hat. The only difference is that they send two people instead of a tow truck. One drives you home in your car and the other one follows and picks up the driver. Donovan Deeli's Kudos May 6, 2007 - New York, New York - AP Alexander Loucopoulos wasn't afraid he would drop the ring when he proposed to his girlfriend, but he did have another fear. "I was afraid the ring would float really far away," said Loucopoulos, 32, of New York City. When he proposed Saturday to Graciela Asturias, a 27-year-old space enthusiast, they were on a 90-minute zero-gravity flight aboard a Boeing 727. "I asked if she'd marry me, and then the ring just floated in front of her as we floated in zero gravity," he said. She said yes. "I was so surprised," said Asturias. "I'm in total shock." The trip cost $3,500 each and was organized by Space Adventures of Virginia, which also arranged for Charles Simonyi's $20-million flight to space in April. Loucopoulos works as a banker in private equity and Asturias is an architect. "I would like our 10-year anniversary to be in orbit," Loucopoulos said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Nice Round Pancakes Tired of misshapen pancakes? Use a meat baster (like a turkey baster) to squeeze pancake batter onto the hot griddle. You will get nice round pancakes. This can also allow you to make shapes, like bunny ears.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Dave was talking to his buddy, John, about his love life. "So, John, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," John shook his head sadly, "Whenever I mention sex, they object." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Advice to aspiring newsletter writers: 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat) 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should NEVER generalise. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 17. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 19. The passive voice is to be ignored. 20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas. 24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 26. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 29. Who needs rhetorical questions? 30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. And the last one... 31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Indy 500 http://www.indy500.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Remove OE 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  May 9, 2007
======================================

"You can never tell what type of impact you may make on
another’s life by your actions or lack of action. Sometimes
just with a smile on the street to a passing stranger can
make a difference we could never imagine."
— Ed Foreman

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope
that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could
say, "I used everything you gave me."
--- Erma Bombeck

=======================================

A recent study was made to find out what days men prefer
to have intimate relations with their wives. It was found
that most men preferred to engage in these matrimonial
activities on the days that started with "T."
 Examples of those days are:
 Tuesday
 Thursday
 Thanksgiving
 Today
 Tomorrow
 Thaturday and Thunday!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his
favorite hat.

Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to
church and steal one out of the vestibule.

When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door
and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to
the entire sermon on "The Ten Commandments."

After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule
doorway, shook his hand vigorously, and told him "I want
to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to
church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on
the 10 Commandments, I decided against it."

Preacher: "You mean the commandment 'I shall not steal'
changed your mind?"

Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you
said that I remember where I left my hat!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Re yesterday's Bonehead Award: Apparently the missing pants had been found the next day, two years ago, but judge Roy Pearson still wants to go ahead with the $67 million lawsuit. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eugenio Anthony Colon from Chehalis, Washington Dumb place for a stash! May 3, 2007 - Chehalis, Washington - AP A 35-year-old Onalaska man picked the wrong place and the wrong time to hide a container with marijuana in it. Lewis County sheriff's detectives in Chehalis say they arrested Eugenio Anthony Colon today at 11:25 a.m. after he was seen by detectives hiding the container under a bush in front of their office window. Colon was charged with possession of marijuana under 40 grams. He was arriving at the Lewis County Courthouse for a court matter. Much to his surprise, he was confronted by detectives in the courtroom while he was waiting his court appearance. Colon admitted to hiding the marijuana and told detectives he had no idea he could be seen by them. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Joan for sending this picture by her shy friend in Florence, Oregon: Columbine =========================================== A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear: PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE. That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word Tampax for THUMBTACKS. In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER? ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned- out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process. LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth. LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you? SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.... PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb? =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patti Re: Getting rid of OE Dear Webby "Control Panel/Add/Remove" - and there in lies my problem. There is no Outlook Depress listed - yet, when I go to a website, say Sears, and try to contact them, the email automatically starts in the blasted OD program. Then I have to copy Sears address and paste in the email program I do use. Having fun, until OD pops up, Patti Dear Patti I can't look it up on my machine, because here getting rid of OD is a to be checkmarked part of the set-up routine. All machines here are clean. Have a look at C:\Program Files I have an empty Outlook Express folder there. Most likely I dumped the contents on Setup Day. Microsoft requires all programs written by anybody else to jump through a certain number of hoops before they are allowed to put the Windows flag on the box and claim that they are Windows compatible. One of those hoops is a clean un-install via "Control Panel/Add/Remove". In typical Microsoft fashion, that hoop does not apply for some of their own stuff. However, I found a secret back door for dumping OE: To remove Outlook Express 6.0 from Windows XP: a. Click Start, click Run, type appwiz.cpl, and then click OK. b. In Add or Remove Programs, click Add/Remove Windows Components. c. In the Components list, click to clear the Outlook Express check box, and then click Next. Outlook Express will be removed from the computer. Hope that will work! If it doesn't, clean out the OE folder in C:\Program Files What are you using for your mail program? Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 6, 2007 - Naperville, Illinois - AP This new taxi service doesn't come cheap, but it may be a bargain compared with the price of a drunk-driving arrest. Smith Cos. plans to launch a towing taxi service this week in Naperville, a suburb of Chicago. It will allow intoxicated drinkers to call for a ride home in a tow truck that will also haul their cars. For an unscheduled pickup, the fee will be $85, plus $2 per mile, or 1.6 kilometres. If someone has a hunch that they are going to over-indulge, reservations are available for $65, plus the towing fee. Smith vice-president Frank Sheppard says he believes the service is unique. "There are a lot of businessmen and women, and we feel it's the best place, suburb-wise, to do this," he said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Soda and Dawn For Clothing Stains A great way to remove clothing stains is to mix baking soda and dish soap (Dawn) into a paste. Brush it into the stain and let sit, depending on the severity of stain. Leave the paste in and wash clothes as usual, works great. By Shirley
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Women should not have children after 35. Really...35 children are quite enough =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. Her husband teased her and said she would never be able to stay away from the other half until dinner the next night. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would rub it in. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Old Pictures http://www.old-picture.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Links in mail 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  May 8, 2007
======================================

"Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that
damage morale, and undermine the military, are saboteurs
and should be arrested, exiled or hanged."
--- President Abraham Lincoln

Why not all three? Iraq has good gallows technology
and plenty of gallows.

=======================================

One ugly frog

An older lady was somewhat lonely, and decided that she
needed a pet to keep sorry."
So off to the pet shop she went.

Forlornly, she searched. Nothing seemed to catch her
interest, except this
one ugly frog. As she walked by the barrel he was in, he
looked up and
winked at her! He whispered, "I'm lonely too, buy me and you
won't be sorry."

The old lady figured, what the heck, as she hadn't found
anything else.
So, she bought the frog and went to her car.

Driving down the road the frog whispered to her, "Kiss me,
you won't be sorry."
So, the old lady figured what the heck, and kissed
the frog.
Immediately the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous,
sexy, handsome, young prince.

Then the prince kissed her back, and you know what the old
lady turned into?

Come on, guess...




The first motel she could find

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

An American tourist refused to be too greatly impressed with
the masterpieces at the Louvre.

"We've got plenty of priceless canvasses in the United States
too," he declared.

"I know," said the guide. "Rembrandt painted seven hundred
pictures in his lifetime, and America has over ten thousand
of them."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Judge Roy Pearson, Washington, DC Nuttiest Judge in history May 2, 2007 - Washington D.C. - ABC News Is somebody getting taken to the cleaners? A $10 dry cleaning bill for a pair of trousers has ballooned into a $67 million civil lawsuit. Plaintiff Roy Pearson, a judge in Washington, D.C., says in court papers that he's been through the wringer over a lost pair of prized pants he wanted to wear on his first day on the bench. He says in court papers that he has endured "mental suffering, inconvenience and discomfort." He says he was unable to wear that favorite suit on his first day of work. He's suing for 10 years of weekend car rentals so he can transport his dry cleaning to another store. Pearson did not return numerous calls from ABC News for comment. "People in America are now scared of each other," legal expert Philip Howard told ABC News' Law & Justice Unit. "That's why teachers won't put an arm around a crying child, and doctors order unnecessary tests, and ministers won't meet with parishioners. It's a distrust of justice and it's changing our culture." The civil trial, set for June, has the scope of a John Grisham courtroom thriller and the societal importance of a traffic ticket. Pearson plans to call 63 witnesses. Defending themselves against the suit -- for two years running -- are Korean immigrants Jin and Soo Chung and their son, who own Custom Cleaners and two other dry cleaning shops in the Fort Lincoln section of Washington, D.C. For $67 million Pearson could buy 84,115 new pairs of pants at the $800 value he placed on the missing trousers in court documents, or about 3.35 Million of the $20 pants usually worn under justice's robes. Seems to me that it was rather irresponsible to appoint Pearson to the bench instead of to the funny farm. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver for this picture from today's bonus link site. Caution, there are 119 pages on that link! =========================================== It was mealtime during a flight on a small airline in the Northwest. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me. "What are my choices?" he asked. "Yes or no," she replied. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me struck up a conversation. Just as he was telling me that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power shortage caused the lights to flicker overhead. "Ah," he sighed that must he her checking out now." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Mailing links Dear Webby Can you tell how to send links that I receive without having to retype the address? If I forward the link it doesn't work and if I copy and paste the link still doesn't work. I have tried to save it but that won't work either? Help.....Ann Dear Ann I have no idea what mail program you use. In Eudora I simply type the URL, like for example: http://posty.net/spindrifter/ and it automatically turns into a link. I can also type a site title like Anns pages and then click on the link icon and put the URL into the little input field that pops up. Then it looks like this Ann's Pages The link icon looks like a chain with 3 chain links. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 4, 2007 - Madaba, Jordon - AP A cat in Madaba, Jordan has taken her maternal instincts to another level. The cat has allowed a group of newborn chicks to live with her and her four kittens in a cardboard box. It appears the cat has even begun to treat the chicks as her own offspring, carefully carrying them in her jaws when they stray too far from the 'nest'. Madaba is around 19 miles south of Amman, Jordan.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ice Cream Cone Tip To prevent ice cream from dripping through the bottom of a classic triangular cone, put a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a waffle or sugar cone. This acts as a stopper and is a delicious bonus. A raisin works too.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son Morris, the surgeon. The father says, "Son, think of it this way ... If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Erik for this story: Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all cool- lapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apart- ment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said "Geez, you idiots, the legs unscrew!" ======================================== I will give this link a permanent spot in the side menu. ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: XP SP2.5 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  May 7, 2007
======================================

Other people's opinion of you
does not have to become your reality.
--- Les Brown

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that
man can never learn anything from history.
--- George Bernard Shaw

=======================================

A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her
swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the
back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to
both of them since their relationship had been purely
platonic up to that point anyway. They decided to walk
together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where
certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the
problem.
Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German
Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for
their annual  intelligence test.
The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," he replies.
The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three
times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor.
"How did you get that?"
"Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Antonio Moreno, 31, Los Angeles, California Bad habit May 1, 2007 - Los Angeles, California - AP Whenever Antonio Moreno wanted to see his girlfriend, police say, he'd jump in a car and drive right over. But there was a problem. The 26 cars Moreno jumped into all belonged to someone else, according to authorities who arrested the 31-year-old near his Inglewood home on Wednesday. They said he was behind the wheel of a 1987 Toyota Camry when they found him. Since January, police said, Moreno had been stealing Toyota Camrys and Nissan Sentras by using a simple device that starts Japanese cars of a certain age. Acting on a tip, members of a regional auto-theft task force took him into custody. Some cars were stolen in Inglewood and abandoned in Santa Barbara, police said, while others were taken from Santa Barbara. He was "stealing vehicles as transportation to pursue their relationship," according to a statement from Lt. Paul McCaffrey, a Santa Barbara Police Department spokesman. He didn't have a driver's license or car of his own, police said. Moreno was jailed in Los Angeles for investigation of auto theft and was to be transferred to Santa Barbara to face charges, police said. It wasn't immediately clear whether Moreno had an attorney. His girlfriend, who was not arrested, told authorities she had been trying to dump him. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Cheryl for this picture: =========================================== It was a cool spring day. An old man walked out onto a still frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf ro reep ra rrorms rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Vista SP2 Dear Webby When will Microsoft come out with an SP1 bug fix for Vista? Is it worth putting up with the problems in the meantime? David Dear David There might not be an SP1 for Vista. I am sur that Microsoft is aware of the total lack of enthusiasm for Vista. Instead of Vista SP1 they came out with a Vista Dual Boot, that allows you to boot into XP for work and to get around Vista problems. "Need to scan something? Just reboot into XP!" Yeah, right. I get the hint. Just reboot into XP and stay there until Tamara comes along. In the meantime independent programmers are releasing tiny and efficient utilities for XP that do all the cutesy stuff that Vista claims they set it apart from XP. Some, like Launchy, are actually quite useful and seem to go some way beyond what Vista has. You can download it free from http://www.launchy.net/ I would not be in the least bit surprised if some programmers released an XP SP2.5 utilities package that adds all the cutesy stuff from Vista to XP, but without the Vista problems. And I would be very surprised if Vista SP1 comes out before XP SP2.5 Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 4, 2007 - Redmond, Washington - Happy News Author, teacher, speaker—sounds like a well-accomplished older adult. Guess again. Those are just some of the titles that describe 9-year older Adora Svitak. Despite her age, Adora has done and seen more than most people, regardless of their years. She travels around the world to other schools to inspire and encourage other students to become better readers and writers. At an age where most children are having sleepovers with friends and watching television, Adora is focusing on promoting worldwide literacy, among other things. "I believe it's never to early to learn," said Adora, who has made many presentations in different regions, including New York, Florida and London. "I like to inspire my audience to read and write."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sorting Dirty Clothing Put a cardboard divider in your clothes hamper, one side for whites and one for darks. When your family puts clothes in, they will already be sorted. Towels and sheets can also go on the white side. This has worked very well in my household for several years. By Hazel
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Mayo Clinic First Aid Guide http://snipurl.com/19c9n
I will give this link a permanent spot in the side menu. ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Autoresponder in Eudora 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  May 6, 2007
======================================

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.
We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.
--- Rita Rudner

Might we not say to the confused voices which sometimes
arise from the depths of our being:  "Ladies, be so kind as
to speak only four at a time?"
--- Madame Swetchine

=======================================

Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street,
when he came face to face with a rival Rabbi.

The street was too narrow for the two to pass.

The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily:
. . . "I never make way for fools "

Smiling, Rabbi Mendel stepped aside and said, . . .
"I always do."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A guy walks into a gas station and buys a pack
of cigarettes. He pulls one out and starts
smoking it.

The cashier says, "Excuse me sir, but you can't
smoke in here."

The guy says, "Don't you think it's kinda dumb
that I buy them here but can't smoke them here?"

And the cashier replies, "Not at all...we also
sell condoms here."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cho Pui-kee, 77 and a Darwin Award goes to Chan Nui-oi, 73, both of Hongkong, China Deadly games April 24, 2007 - Hong Kong - South China Morning Post An elderly Hong Kong man was jailed today after he was found guilty of killing his wife of 48 years in a row over whose turn it was to use the toilet. In June last year, Cho Pui-kee, 77, allegedly strangled his wife, 73-year-old Chan Nui-oi after she would not let him use the toilet. Her body was found rolled up in a quilt after two of the couple's six children became concerned and called the couple at their flat. Yesterday Cho was cleared of murder but found guilty of manslaughter and jailed for five years. The court was told Cho became increasingly frustrated at his wife's habit of using the bathroom to wash clothes when he wanted to use the toilet in their high-rise Hong Kong apartment. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Bok Choy Toys =========================================== Why can't Italians skateboard? They get wop sided: When they talk, the flailing arms knock them off balance. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who had been very ill with the flu. The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been attending another church down the road. So the pastor asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the road to come by to pray with your mom?" The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Autoresponders Webby, I've attempted to search Eudora's email help section to no avail. Question: Is there a way to place an absence or out of office message on Eudora? I would like friends to know I'm gone and not sick or dead. Keep up your dedicated work of keeping the world smiling and a little more knowledgeable about computers. It is a never ending job. Thank you Frank Dear Frank I just made another filter to filter all mail from another auto-nuisance into the trash, unread. You do NOT need to spend 24 hours sitting at the computer and instantly answer every mail, and nobody expects that. People know that you have to do shopping, laundry, chase women, even if it is only downhill, go on vacation, or whatever. I don't know ANYBODY who likes getting some stupid Autoresponder, except maybe a few WebTVers, who never know if their mail went out or not. It's even worse with subscriptions. If your silly Autoresponder whines back at the program that send your subscription, you get unsubscribed just like your mail had bounced back from an abandoned address. The only Autoresponders that are not considered a nuisance are those that have real information, like weather or road reports. All other Autoresponders are bad news and will just get people annoyed at you. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 23, 2007 - Lima, Peru - AP Peru's ''miracle baby'' walked around her nursery yard Friday, ducking in and out of a plastic playhouse seven months after undergoing an operation to fully separate her fused legs. Milagros Cerron, whose first name means ''miracles'' in Spanish, was born with a rare congenital defect known as sirenomelia, or ''mermaid syndrome,'' which left her legs connected from her heels to her groin. Dr. Luis Rubio, head of the medical team that separated Milagros' legs, invited reporters to see her progress on Friday. He said doctors have successfully reconstructed the child's hips, knees and ankles and that she is ''doing well physically.'' Milagros, who turns 3 years old next week, now takes ballet classes and runs around the playground with her classmates. Rubio has said Tiffany Yorks, a 17-year-old American, is the only other person known to have undergone successful surgery to correct the rare congenital defect, which occurs in one out of every 70,000 births and is almost always fatal within days of birth. Milagros' family comes from a poor village in the Andes mountains but Lima's municipal government has agreed to pay for her medical care.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Bugs Off A Car Sprinkle baking soda on a moist sponge and use it to scrub bugs or tree sap off your car. It's easy, inexpensive, and it won't scratch the finish! This is also easy on the environment. By Dyann
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ". "No,no, I mean are you lost ?" "No, I've been here thirty years." "I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?" "When is it ?" "It could be today or tomorrow ". "Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know . My wife will probably want to go both days !" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Yoshino Cherry Trees, Macon Georgia http://tinyurl.com/2wmv7u
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Restore Pop-Up Blocker 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  May 5, 2007
======================================

As a city prosecutor said during closing arguments that
Paris Hilton deserved jail time, Hilton's mother, Kathy,
laughed. When the judge ruled and sentenced paris Hilton
to ordinary jail time, no soft $87 a day VIP jail, but regular
county jail like any common crook, Kathy Hilton then blurted
out: "May I have your autograph?"

I bet that made THAT judges day!

=======================================

Two country doctors out in the hills of West
Virginia were discussing the population
explosion in the world.


One physician says, "Why, Bubba, thiseyer
crazy birth thang isa gettin' so bad that
perty soon, they ain't gonna be room for
ever'body! There'sa gonna be standin' room
only on this here planet!"

The other doctor replied, "Heck, that sure
oughta slow 'em down a bit!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The other day, during a service call, I was in a house that
seemed to have more than it's share of cats and birds.
At one time I counted a total of 30 eyes and 44 feet.

Assuming that all birds had 2 eyes and 2 feet, and all cats
had 2 eyes and 4 feet, how many cats and birds did I count ?

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Vassil Ivanov, 37, from Stara Zagora, Bulgaria Not ready for responsibility April 30, 2007 - Stara Zagora, Bulgaria - Ananova An escaped convict turned up at his old prison and asked to be let back in because he was missing his mates. Bulgarian thief Vassil Ivanov, 37, had been on the run since disappearing during an Easter break at home in 2005. He said: "I couldn't stand it any more. I had been inside for nine years and I just couldn't get used to life on the outside again. I missed my pals here and I was miserable being a free man." Wardens at the Stara Zagora prison in Bulgaria immediately took Ivanov back into the prison where he will serve the remaining two years of his 11 year sentence, and is likely to serve extra time for escaping. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Kevin for this picture: My son and his dog checking out the goldfish in the pond… Kevin =========================================== If a barber makes a mistake, It's a new style... If a driver makes a mistake, It is an accident... If a engineer makes a mistake, It is a new venture... If parents makes a mistake, It is a new generation... If a politician makes a mistake, It is a new law... If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a new invention... If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a new fashion... If a teacher makes a mistake , It is a new theory... If our boss makes a mistake, It is our mistake...... If an employee makes a mistake, It is a "@#$# SCREWUP!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== John was grocery shopping with Jill, and he tossed a bag of chips into the cart. "You don't need those!" Jill chided. "What about those twenty chocolate bars you have in there?" John asked. "IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH!" scremed Jill. "Oh, OK. Are you sure twenty will be enough?" asked John. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tammy Re: Pop Up Blocker Dear Webby Hi there, once again I want to thank you for the humor daily, its a highlight of my lunch hour at work.... now I need to ask a question, I turned off my pop up blocker so I could fill out a online application, now I get pop ups and can't figure out how to turn the blocker back on. Please help, thanks so much, Tammy Dear Tammy Click on TOOLS Intenet Options Privacy and there it is at the bottom. You can bypass the PopUp Blocker by holding down the CTRL key when you click on a link. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 2, 2007 - College Station, Texas - AP Texas A&M University scientists showed off to state and federal officials Tuesday a genetically engineered crop of sorghum they believe will be a more efficient and economical option to corn in drier parts of the country as the nation pushes for alternative energy sources. Sorghum, which as a plant resembles stalks of corn, is a centuries-old grain common around the world but used more in the United States as a lovestock feed. At Texas A&M, researchers have been working over the past several years to extend its growing season, allowing it to double its height to more than 15 feet, thicken its stalk and be even more drought tolerant. The genetic changes make it ideal to raise in the South and Southeast where the growing season already is longer than in northern sections of the country. The climate also makes it more suitable than growing corn, which has emerged as a biofuel alternative used in ethanol production, particularly in the Midwest. The cellulose from one version of the sorghum and sugar from another version similarly can be processed for fuel. Researchers said energy yields could top those from corn and at a more reasonable cost, making it an economic windfall for farmers.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Jars for Drinking Glasses After pricing drinking glasses in the store, I bought a case of a dozen pint canning jars for about 1/3 the cost. I enjoy the "country" look, and can use the jars next fall to can. You can sometimes find these at garage sales. By Sandra
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Three ministers a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Southern Baptist and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship. They all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter. First in line was the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly and said, "I can't let you in. You were moral and upright, but you loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny." St. Peter waved sadly, and poof! Down the chute to the 'Other Place' they went. Then came the Methodist. "Sorry, can't let you in either," said Saint Peter. "You abstained from liquor and dancing and cards, but you loved food too much. You loved food so much, you even married a woman named Candy!" Sadly, St. Peter waved again, and whang! Down the chute went the Methodists. The Southern Baptist turned to his wife and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Fanny." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to BP for this one: My grandfather came to America to gain freedom, but it didn't work. My grandmother came over on the very next boat. ========================================
Thanks to Dorothy for this Bonus Link: Naure Screens http://one.revver.com/watch/258250
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby PS. There were 7 cats and 8 birds





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Dear Webby: Nappy headed 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  May 4, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================

"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them."
--- Galileo

=======================================

Thanks to Cookie for this report:

"Pointers!"
Jim was having reasonable success playing the stock market
when George expressed a desire to give it a try. Jim advised
him on what stocks to buy, what to stay clear of, etc.
In his list of "pointers" was the fact that George should
invest only small sums. But George threw caution to the
winds and six months later sent an email to
Jim....

"So much for your darn "pointers!
Now send me some "retrievers!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and Anni, his
hostess, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor
was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor,"
Anni asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody
who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple
question which everyone should answer with no trouble.
If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?" Anni questioned.

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

Anni thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh,
"You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?
I must confess I don't know much about history."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a man in Clyman, Wisconsin Wrong dancer April 24, 2007 - Clyman, Wisconsin - AP A Wisconsin man used his cell phone to call 911 after paying the wrong woman for a lap dance. According to the Dodge County Sheriff's Department log, the man called the emergency number early Saturday after he gave $20 to a woman at a Clyman, Wis. club. The woman did not work at the club and left with his money. Failing to get a lap dance, the man called the sheriff's department. Officers are trying to locate the woman. ------------------------------------------ The man must have been some big-shot local politician. Anybody else would probably have been fined for abusing the 911 emergency number. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Barry Mason for sending this picture: In case you were wondering.... What a nappy headed hoe looks like =========================================== Terri and Buzz, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami, are getting ready to go out to dinner. Terri says, "Buzz, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?" Buzz says, "Do I care?" A few minutes later Terri says, "Buzz, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?" Buzz says, "Who cares?" A few more minutes pass and Terri says, "Buzz, love, shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?" Buzz says, "Terri, I really don't care what you wear, but if you don't move your butt , we're going to miss the Early Bird Special at McDonalds. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Did you know that Elvis was an especially colorful character? He was a redneck who stole the blues from the blacks and sold it to the whites. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandie Re: Response Challenge Dear Webby What IS a Response Challenge ? Sandie Dear Sandie A Response Challenge is when, after sending a mail to somebody, instead of an answer, you get soime silly auto-responder and are expected to prove tat you are human by punching in some hard to read numbers. It's OK to have that challenge as part of an order form, but definitely not OK with email. Like me, a lot of people filter that kind of crap into the trash, unread, just like any auto-responder. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 2, 2007 - Lewiston, Maine - AP On April 11, 1951, sailor Val Gregoire, 18, was hit over the head while on shore leave in Boston. When he came to, his wallet — and his pants — were gone. Gregoire's widow and five children were familiar with the story, which became part of family legend. But now they have proof. The wallet was discovered by a demolition worker at Boston's Paramount Theatre — 56 years to the day Gregoire lost it. ''I was stunned,'' said Jeannette Gregoire, 75, of Lewiston, who got a call from Kathy Bagen, the worker's wife. ''How could this have survived?'' Richard Bagen of East Weymouth, Mass., was tearing down a wall when the wallet spilled out, his wife said. There was no money in the wallet, but it contained Val's Navy ID, a copy of his Augusta birth certificate and more than a dozen photos. An Armed Forces Liberty Pass was dated ''April 11, 1951,'' the same month and day Richard Bagen made his discovery. ''The date was what freaked me out,'' Kathy Bagen told the Sun Journal of Lewiston. ''Maybe it was meant to be found.'' She managed to track down Jeannette Gregoire and mailed the wallet to her. The wallet contained several pictures of Val, his mom, friends and a laminated photo of Jeannette, then his best girl. The couple eventually married and was six months shy of their 50th wedding anniversary in 2003 when Val died following complications from a kidney transplant. He was a retired firefighter in Lewiston.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How Much Work Does It Cost? Before buying a big ticket item or anything that you might not need, calculate how many hours it will take you to earn the money to buy the item. It helps me put the cost of purchases in perspective. By Beth
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
There was an old lady named May, Took a stroll in the park by the bay. She met a young man, Who loved her and ran. Now she goes to the park everyday. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A couple of Torontonians had just closed down their store on busy Yonge Street and were standing in the middle of their empty shop when one said to the other, "I'll bet you ten bucks that if we wait here a few minutes, some Newfie is going to come by, peer through the window, and come in and ask us what we're selling." Sure enough, just as he finished speaking, a Newfie stuck his face up to the window, looked around at the empty shelves and then walked over and asked, "How's she goin, b'y. I was just wonderin' what you fellas was sellin'??" One of the Torontians grinned at the other and replied, "We're selling idiots, friend", To this the Newfie responded, "Well, ya must be doin' some good business 'cause dere's only two o' ya left." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Alabama Rail Pictures http://www.alabamarailpics.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Response Challenge 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  May 3, 2007
======================================

Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.
— John F. Kennedy

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that
comes from bad judgment.
--- Socratex

=======================================

 Food for thought...

 You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass
 by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
 2. An old friend who once saved your life.
 3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

 Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
 could only be one passenger in your car.

 Think before you continue reading.

 This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as
 part of a job application.

 You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and
 thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend
 because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect
 chance to pay him back.

 However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream
 lover again.

 The candidate who was hired! (out of 200 applicants) had no
 trouble  coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually
 use it  sometime for an interview situation.

 WHAT DID HE SAY?

 He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend,
 and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind
 and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

There was this city doctor who started a practice
in the countryside.

He once had to go to a farm to attend to a
sick farmer who lived there.

After a few housecalls he stopped coming to
the farm.

The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to
ask whats the matter, didn't he like him
or somethin'.

The doctor said, "No, its your ducks at
the entrance... Every time I enter the
farm, they call me a quack!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an irresponsible cat owner in Chongqing City Dangerous Cat April 30, 2007 - Chongquing City, China - Ananova A Chinese woman knocked out by a cat falling from a block of flats is to sue 200 residents because none will admit responsibility. Tang Meirong, 53, of Chongqing city, was sent to hospital after being hit by the cat, reports Chongqing Business News. "I was walking on the footpath under the building, and suddenly a heavy object hit my head. I remember nothing afterwards," she said. After regaining consciousness, Tang called police but the building manager told officers it would be very difficult to identify the cat owner. Tang says she will sue all 200 residents whose flats face the street if none of them come forward to take responsibility. The cat was killed by the fall, or dead when it was thrown out a window. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Susan for sending this picture: Dear Webby, I thought you might like to see a different kind of animal. I watched this little guy walk across a road near me and start to climb into the tree. We have a holiday house on Raymond Island in the Gippsland Lakes, Victoria, Australia. There is a large population of Koala's living on the island and they are quite friendly and roam around near the housing estate as well as in the bush further out on the island. I still wouldn't try patting them, as much as they look so cute, they have those long claws for climbing and protecting themselves. Susan =========================================== An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice. They didn't get up to leave until the theater was ready to close for the night. "You folks must've enjoyed the show," the usher said. "Disgusting," said the old lady. "It was revolting," her husband added. "Then why did you sit through it twice?" the usher asks. "We had to wait until you turned up the house lights," the old lady replied. "We couldn't find my panties, and his teeth were in them!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A Catholic boy was bragging to his Jewish friend. "My priest knows more than your rabbi." "Of course he does," said the Jewish boy. "You tell him everything." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dietmar Re: Response Challenge Dear Webby Is it true that the Zone Alarm Response Challenge contains a virus that opens a back door? Since I used it to cut down on spam, my business nose dived and even friends won't send email to me any more. What do you recommend? Dietmar Dear Dietmar Not ALL Zone Alarm Response Challenges contain trojans, only the fake ones. Unless you have just sent a letter to somebody with that silly nuisance on their machine, dump it without clicking on anything! I would recommend that you get rid of that as fast as possible. Anybody, who has been infected by any fake response challenge, will automatically assume that yours is fake too. Considering that that particular response challenge frequently malfunctions, that makes it look even more suspicious. People can't tell if yours has a routine malfunction, or if it is a fake one, and so they assume the worst. My MailWasher filters all response challenges into the trash, unread, and blacklist that address. That is the only safe way to deal with that nuisance. As you noticed, I did not waste my time answering by email, since I would never see your response challenge anyway, and you would never get my answer. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 30, 2007 - Sydney, Australia - AP A blind British adventurer touched down in Sydney Monday to end an epic 13,500-mile flight by microlight aircraft from London. Miles Hilton-Barber braved snowstorms, freezing temperatures and torrential downpours during his 54-day journey under the supervision of sighted co-pilot Richard Meredith-Hardy. ''It's the fulfillment of an amazing dream,'' Hilton-Barber, 58, told reporters at Sydney's Bankstown airport. ''I've wanted to be a pilot since I was a kid. Now I'm totally blind and I've had the privilege of flying more than halfway around the world.'' Hilton-Barber, who lost his eyesight to a hereditary condition about 20 years ago, is hoping the trip will raise $2 million for the charity Seeing is Believing, which works for the prevention of blindness in developing countries. He took to the skies from Biggin Hill air base in south London on March 7 in a microlight aircraft, which looks like a cross between a tricycle and a motorized hang-glider, with the aid of an audio device that reads out navigational information such as air speed and altitude. Hilton-Barber also has conquered Mount Kilimanjaro and Mont Blanc, run marathons in the Sahara and Gobi deserts, and even attempted to reach the South Pole, hauling a sledge over 250 miles of Antarctic ice.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheap Cleaner For large cleaning projects, try TSP (TriSodiumPhospahte) TSP used to be the main active ingredient in most detergents, but got a bad name because it promoted underwater weed growth in canals, rivers and lakes, into which improperly treated sewage was dumped into. What was bad was not the TSP, but Millions of people using a lot of it all year long. It was simply too much of a good thing. TSP is still a powerful phospate fertilizer, and your tomatoes will love it, when you dump the used cleaning water near them. You won't find TSP at the supermarket, where all the overpriced and nicely packaged retail cleaners are. You can find it at building and industrial paint suppliers, in the PAINT section. Painters use it, after thinning it down with a lot of water, to clean dirty walls before painting. TSP is dirt cheap. At Canadian Tire for example, a gallon jug of concentrate is CDN $4.95. For cleaning previously painted stuff, use 40 parts of water to one part TSP. For a really greasy stove vent hoods or car engines, use one part water and one part TSP.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two men were at the bar talking about marriage. "I'm seriously thinking about tying the knot," said Jim. His buddy, Bob told him, "You may wish to consider contacting a local support group. With the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been formed, called, "Marriage Anonymous." "Oh really?" Jim said, "What do they do?" "Whenever a man feels like getting married, they send over a woman wearing a torn house-coat, with curlers in her hair and cream on her face, and she nags at him until after breakfast.".Bob replied. "What do they do for women, who want to get married?" Jim asked. "I have been divorced five times, so they send me." Bob replied. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Little Johnny asked the librarian how to use the card catalog. After pouring over the little drawers full of cards he approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell "tequila." "T-e-q-u-i-l-a," spelled the librarian, and Little Johnny went back to his search. A short time later he came to the desk, looking quite upset. "I just can't find it." he said. "What book are you looking for?" the librarian asked. "Tequila Mockingbird." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sound Effects Specialists http://filmsound.org/foley/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Larger Pictures 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  May 2, 2007
======================================

"The dictionary is the only place where success comes before
work. Hard work is the price we must pay for success. You
can accomplish anything if you're willing to pay the price."
--- Vince Lombardi

=======================================

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and
off they went to a local theme park.What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming
Loop,the Wall of Fear, everything there was!
Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head
reeling and her stomach upside down.

Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big
Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie - the latest epic, and hot dogs, popcorn,
PepsiCola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
He leaned over and lovingly asked,

"Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"

One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women,
met and decided that this month's outing was to be at a dairy
farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and
had never seen such a thing.

The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus which
whisked them off to their destination. On the way, they watched
out the windows as the city squalor turned into lovely,
unpolluted countryside.

After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited
them to look him up should they have any questions. Myrtle,
after looking about, and being amazed by what she saw, stepped
into a building and viewed something she thought was quite
remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him - he
sauntered in.

"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient
tone: "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with
horns. Sometimes we keep' em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other
times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of
acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold.
Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.
But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause
it's a horse."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to future politicians in India Crooks even before they are elected April 29, 2007 - Lucknow, India - AP Six politicians awaiting trial on murder or abduction charges in lawless northern Uttar Pradesh state have been using cellphones to campaign for re-election from prison, police said Sunday. The politicians call their supporters who broadcast the speeches live to rallies from their mobile phones, using a microphone hooked up to a public address system, police spokesman Surendra Srivastava said. "It is not a hush-hush affair. The meetings are well organized and at the stipulated time the leaders address their supporters using mobiles," Srivastava said. Indian law only bans people from serving in public office if they have been convicted of an offence. Among the imprisoned suspects campaigning by phone is independent candidate Mukhtar Ansari, who is accused of murdering a Hindu nationalist legislator, Srivastava said. Others to use the tactic include Sujit Singh for the opposition Bhartiya Samaj Party - also arrested on murder charges - and Amarmani Tripathi, an independent candidate who is suspected of killing his girlfriend. --------------------------------- Can't be that lawless if they are already in jail! ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Joan in Arizona for sending this picture from her friend Florence in Oregon =========================================== A Swedish couple are applying for a marriage license. The clerk asks the man his name and he replies, Yan Yohansenn. The clerk asks the woman what her name is. She replies Yolanda Yohansenn. The clerk asks, "Oh, any relation"? The woman blushes and says, Yust vunce, ve couldn't vait. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A guy is sitting in a bar, absolutely drooling at a pretty young thing in her short, pink mini-dress. Using the time honored ice breaker, he sends her a drink. "How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation. Finally the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl. I get two hundred dollars for what you think you'll ply out of me with liquor." He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break furniture, and just plain destroy the place." "Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asked. "Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replied. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dorothy Re: Larger pictures Hi Webby! I wonder if you could send a wallpaper size of the cat pic and the one from the other day of the Rainbow across what looks like a wet street? I would appreciate it if you could. Thank you so much. Dorothy Dear Dorothy Those pictures had been sent to me in that size. I can shrink them, but not make them larger without making them coarse and ugly. It's only with my own pictures, and those of my dad and very few other people, who send them in large size, that I can make custom sizes for different monitor resolutions. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 28, 2007 - Wolfeboro, New Hampshire - AP A shoplifter would have to run pretty far to get away from this 70-year-old clerk. Judy Brenner sprinted about 100 feet to catch a teen she thought stole liquor Thursday from the store where she works in Wolfeboro. Brenner, who ran the Boston Marathon this month, discovered the teen had a half-gallon of whiskey under his jacket. She and others who joined the chase helped detain him until police arrived. "He didn't run, but he walked faster, so I picked up my pace," Brenner said. "I wasn't going to let him go." Brenner, of Brookfield, said she ran 14 marathons decades ago and finished the Boston Marathon this month in just over five hours, placing sixth among the women in her age bracket. The suspect was charged with theft and unlawful possession of alcohol by a minor.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Pie Filling Buy apples in quantity when they are on sale. Cut them up and mix with your favorite apple pie recipe. Freeze them in ziplock bags in pie size portions. When you want a pie just dump the bag into a pie shell and bake!
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Sorry, this one was messed up yesterday! A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?" His wife responds with, "yes, I would really like that. Tonight, you do the dishes and the laundry and stand by the ironing board for a couple of hours, and I'll lay on the couch and fart." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life starts when the heart begins to beat." "We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe life starts at the moment of conception." "Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts when the kids move out and the dog dies." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Graph Paper http://www.incompetech.com/graphpaper/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: No Attachments 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  May 1, 2007
======================================

Things that matter most must never be at the mercy
of things that matter least.
--- Goethe

=======================================

Thanks to Unc Wes for this report:

How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.

A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOY MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes (Whether she tell you about them or not)



HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Kati for these Bob Hope's classics

Bob Hope May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003

ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill".

ON TURNING 80  "That's the time of your life when even your
birthday suit needs pressing."

ON TURNING 90  "You know you're getting old when the
candles cost more than the cake."

ON TURNING 100  " I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel
anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING  "I ruined my hands
in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them."

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR  "Welcome to the Academy Awards
or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."

ON GOLF "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to
pay the green fees."

ON PRESIDENTS   " I have performed for 12 presidents and
entertained only six."

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
"When I was born, the doctor said to my mother,
'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'."

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
"I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY  "Four of us slept in the one bed.
When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS   "That's how I learned to dance.
Waiting for the bathroom."

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES " I would not have had anything to eat
if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."

ON GOING TO HEAVEN  "I've done benefits for ALL religions.
I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dorset County Council's Trading Standards Idiot Burocracy gone insane April 30, 2007 - Weymouth, Dorset, UK - The Sun A baker has been forced to rename her novelty Pig Tarts - because they don't contain pork. Val Temple has also been told her popular Paradise Slice has to be reclassified as it does not come from paradise. And her Robin Tarts have been given the thumbs down by Trading Standards officers as they don't contain robins, reports The Sun. Val, 60, a baker for 30 years, must now rename them all "novelty cakes" in case customers are "confused". She said: "It's a joke and an insult to the public. Of course my cakes don't contain pig, robin or come from paradise. But what's next - Shepherd's Pie?" Val makes Paradise Slice from a 120-year-old recipe using almonds, sultanas and cherries at her Sgt Bun bakery in Weymouth, Dorset. She added: "I've been selling all these cakes for 16 years. "My customers love them. This ruling is very sad, but not entirely surprising in today's society." Dorset County Council's Trading Standards said: "Food must be properly described so consumers can tell what it is." ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness." Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The young secretary was describing her evening's exploits to a friend. "After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like that." "That was smart," her friend said, approvingly, "Then what happened?" "He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said. "You didn't weaken your resolve did you?" asked the friend. "Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let HIS mother worry......" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carole Re: Attachments Dear Webby Does the Humor Letter ever have attachments? Do you have a virus or spyware? Carole Dear Carole No, the Humor Letter never has attachments, never did and never will. It is not sent from a Windows computer, but from a SUN server running UNIX. Windows viruses and spyware don't work on UNIX any more than a bicycle works on the ocean. If you saw an attachment with the Humor Letter, then either your computer or the computer of your ISP is infected, or else you got your mail program misconfigured so that it shows mail with embedded pictures as if they were attachments. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 30, 2007 - Grieskirchen, Austria - Ananova An Austrian computer store owner caught two teenage thieves after he put CCTV footage on You Tube. Thomas Karer, 45, installed the video surveillance gear after a spate of thefts at his store in Grieskirchen, Austria. It allowed him to film the two teenagers stealing a $2,000 laptop from his store. The video shows how one of the pair kept watch and covered what his pal was doing as the second teenager slipped the computer under his jacket. People who saw the video online recognised the pair, told Mr Karer who alerted the police. The pair, who were asylum seekers from Georgia and Armenia, were arrested in Linz.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Inspect Your Gutters Spring is a good time of year to check your gutters. Nail any droopy gutters back to the fascia. The next time you get a good rain, make sure the gutters are draining correctly and that water is being chanelled 3 to 4 feet from your house.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?" His wife responds with, "yes, I would really like that. Tonight, you do the dishes and the n stand by the ironing board for a couple of hours, and I'll lay on the couch and fart." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Schwartzberg, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr. Schwartzberg, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker. "Don't bother," replies Mr. Schwartzberg, "I've two sisters at home who look after all my needs." "That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife." "I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were MY sisters." ========================================
Thanks to Martin for this Bonus Link: Atmospheric Optics http://www.atoptics.co.uk/phen800.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Vista not required for Earthlink DSL 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  April 30, 2007
======================================

"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing
to do. The hard part is doing it."
--- General H. Norman Schwarzkopf

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for these winning excerpts from actual High
School writings:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this:
Leave it to the Japanese to figure out this one! It takes awhile
to load..be patient.

Have you ever wondered what makes the arrow cursor move around
the screen??? Click on the link , move your cursor and click the mouse
and stop sometimes too, and see what happens....and now you know
how your cursor works!!
How your cursor works
http://www.1-click.jp/

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Doctor Raymond Adamcik, 54 of Melbourne, Florida Doc is a nuisance when drunk April 24, 2007 - Melbourne, Florida - AP A Brevard County doctor dressed up in a Captain America outfit was arrested with a burrito in his tights. What he allegedly did at the police station got him into more trouble. Doctor Raymond Adamcik, 54, would probably rather forget about the weekend when he was arrested on charges of battery, disorderly conduct, drug possession and trying to destroy evidence. It's not what you would expect from a doctor or Captain America. The Palm Bay family physician was at On Tap bar as part of a pub-crawl with other medical professionals. It was a sort of costume party on a bus that would take them around from bar to bar. Police said Adamcik had a burrito stuffed below the waistband of his costume and was asking women if they want to touch it. When one refused, he allegedly took out the burrito and groped her. The woman called police and, when they arrived, the officers wrote in their report "there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at the time, all Captain America's were asked to go outside for a possible identification." The woman pointed out Adamcik and the burrito was found in his boot. He was taken to the police station. There, while in a holding cell, police said, he asked to use the bathroom and tried to flush a joint, also hidden in his blue tights, down the toilet. An officer observed him try to flush something into the toilet. The officer was able to reach inside and grab what he tried to flush. The doctor wasn't in when Eyewitness News went by and didn't return calls. He may now have to rely on a lawyer instead of his superpowers to get him out of the jam. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones! ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== An IRS man asks a farmer, "How much is your prize bull worth?" The farmer says, "For tax purposes, or has he been hit by a train?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Goldy Re: DSL with Vista Hello Dear Webby, I just ordered High Speed Intenet(DSL) from our phone company and have received the new modem, etc. When I opened the package I read that it will now be Vista and from everything I have been reading in your Humor Letter I'm not so sure that I want it installed. Will you please give me some advice. Of course, I now have dial up service. Thanks for the great advice and humor. Keep up the great work. Thank you, Goldy Dear Goldy Most likely they meant that it will be Vista capable, not that you have to use Vista. However, if they don't allow Windows XP, send it back to them and tell them where to stuff it. You can always get Earthlink DSL, probably for less money and definitely much better service. With Earthlink you can always chat with a rep, and I did just that right now to confirm that they don't require Vista. Pryce, one of their friendly reps, instant response was: Pryce C: Yes you are correct. When you use EarthLink DSL service, there is no need for Windows vista. You can use ANY operating system you like. I have used Earthlink for about a dozen years, and I can highly recommend them. With Earthlink you can use your own domain based address, you don't have to advertise for your ISP in your email address, like you have to with less competent ISPs. Check out http://www.earthlink.net/highspeed/ If you do sign up with them, you can use me as a referer. My earthlink referrer address is hmorsch2@earthlink.net That is just the referrer address. With Earthlink I can use any @webby.com address as my sender address. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 24, 2007 - Eastpointe, Michigan - AP Norman O. Wheeler probably wishes he had finished that cinnamon bun. DNA evidence from the partly eaten pastry led to Wheeler's arrest in a 2004 car theft. The 40-year-old Detroit resident already was serving time for another auto theft when authorities made the DNA match. Wheeler pleaded guilty earlier this month, and he now faces sentencing May 22. Eastpointe Officer Ed Lulko was investigating the car-theft report when a witness described seeing a man arrive in one car and then break out the windows of the other car and steal it, according to police in the Detroit suburb. ''Officer Lulko found the partially eaten pastry in the car and sent it to the Michigan State Police crime laboratory with hopes that the DNA left on the roll could lead to the identity of the perpetrator,'' Detective Eric Keiser told The Macomb Daily of Mount Clemens. As a convict, Wheeler's DNA was on file, leading to the match and arrest.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Less Sweeping and Vacuuming Limit the wear and tear on your flooring and how frequently you have to vacuum by not wearing shoes in your house. It will cut down on the amount of dirt that winds up on your floor dramatically.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The workplace of the tomorrow will have two employees: a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog The dog is there to keep the man from touching the computers. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble." The second deaf man signed back, "Boy, you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me heck for being out so late." The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?" The second deaf man signed, "I turned out the light!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Petrobras http://tinyurl.com/2eash5
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: XP on Dell computers? 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  April 29, 2007
======================================

"Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful.
If it's bad, it's experience."
--- Victoria Holt

=======================================

A ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received
a visit from one of her fellow church members.

"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.

The lady said, "Oh, I'm just worried sick!"

"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked.
"You look like you're in good health.  They are taking
care of you, aren't they?"

"Yes, they are taking very good care of me," said the old lady.

"Are you in any pain?" her friend asked.

"No, I have never had a pain in my life."

"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.

The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly
explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had
has already died and gone on to heaven.
I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

*Rules for Writers*

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Don't use no double negatives.
12. Proffer carefully to see if you any words out.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 47 year old man from Lakeland, Minnesota Wet CD April 24, 2007 - Hudson, Wisconsin - CBS A Twin Cities man crashed his car into the St. Croix River Sunday night after he was changing a CD in his dashboard player. A broken fence and skid mark show where a 47-year-old man from Lakeland, Minnesota started to drive down the embankment toward the river from westbound Interstate 94. The Wisconsin State Patrol said it didn't take long for the man's car to begin filling with water. Eventually it was submerged in four feet of the St. Croix River, up to the roof line. The driver managed to free himself before water filled the Chevy Malibu. "The driver indicated to me that he was coming up the ramp, changing his CD on his radio and lost control. He did go down the embankment, he did end up in the water with his vehicle," said Sgt. Brian Erickson of the Wisconsin State Patrol. The driver swam less than 10 feet to shore and was wet, but not hurt. A tow truck and a diver had to haul the vehicle from the St. Croix River. The driver was cited for inattentive driving. The state trooper hopes the crash will remind people that distracted driving, from using cell phones to changing CDs, can cause a crash in an instant. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this picture: FINALLY, after going through a virus attack, losing a hard drive, fighting off hackers, upgrading all my software, installing fire-walls, being threatened with being cut-off by my email provider, and a host of other problems... I have fixed my computer... and NOW it works exactly the way I want it to! Martin =========================================== One day as the water of the mighty Mississippi River rose a man and his son were forced to retreat to their rooftop. While there, a neighbour passed by in a row boat and shouted, "Come with me I'll take you to higher ground." The man politely refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me." Two hours later as the water continued to rise another neighbour passed in a rubber raft, offering to take them to higher ground. Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me." Four hours passed and as the man and his son clung to the chimney, trying to avoid the rising water a Coast Guard helicopter hovered overhead and threw down a ladder, "Climb up so we can take you to higher ground!" he heard them say. Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me!" Well no one else came and they met their fate. Standing before God, the man said, "Lord I believed in you, my faith was strong and unwavering and you let us drown!" Looking at him God replied, "You dumb ass! I sent a boat, a raft, and a helicopter, what more did you want from me? A cruise ship?" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening." Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that." "Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit,' 'Stop,' and 'Don't!'" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Malcolm Re: No XP Dear Webby No matter where I try, I can't seem to find XP computers any more. I thought you mentioned that Dell gave in to consumer demand and is selling XP again? What happened? Malcolm Dear Malcolm At Dell.ca you can select XP. Apparently Canada has closer ties to India than the US has. Try calling them or chat with Mujibar, their "personal product advisor" in new Dehli. Keep in mind that with XP they are not getting the Vista subsidy, and may be breaking commitments they have made to Microsoft, and they are not cheerful about that. You will have to be quite firm about telling them where to stuff Vista and how, and really insist on XP. Remember, it's YOUR money, and the goal is not making somebody in India happy, the goal is getting the computer that you need. The same applies to all the big name computer makers. If you get too frustrated, check with a local computer fixer about how much it would cost you to have new Vista machines formatted and set up with XP. Get a firm quote in writing and go for it! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 25, 2007 - Santa Cruz, California - AP A peregrine falcon hatched from an egg plucked off the San Francisco Bay Bridge is doing well in its new home, ornithologists said. Scientists from the University of California, Santa Cruz, rescued three eggs last month to protect the chicks from a deadly fall or car collision on their first flight. Another chick died shortly after hatching, while the third egg was ''nonviable,'' said Glenn Stewart, an ornithologist with the Predatory Bird Research Group at UC Santa Cruz. The parent falcons, dubbed George and Gracie, have returned to the downtown skyscraper where they have nested for the last several years and have another egg. The baby peregrine, hatched Friday, will likely be placed with foster falcon parents in another nest before being released in the wild.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Paint Cans Before storing paint, put some paint on the top and side of the can so you can easily see what color it is. If the can is almost empty, transfer it to a smaller container since paint cans take up a lot of shelf space.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a deer and bellows, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified deer stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, the lion is feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn tortilla, then crapped on it, and ambled away. The lion hollered after the elephant, "Damn, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so p'd off !" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== "Y'all got any American razor blades in here?" the Texan asked the London pharmacist. "All I see are these damn Wilkinsons." "Sir," the Englishman patiently replied, "Wilkinson has been producing the finest surgical instruments, weapons and razors since before Waterloo." "I don't give a damn if they passed them out on Noah's Ark if they ain't any good," the Texan retorted. "I can assure you they are very good sir." the peeved druggist said. "Why just last year, my wife swallowed one. It gave her a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, circumcised the gardener, emasculated a neighbor, cut two of a delivery boy's fingers off at the knuckle -- and I still got 10 shaves out of it." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Rainbows http://tinyurl.com/34r5hk
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Gene Modified 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  April 28, 2007
======================================

 "To get rich, never risk your health. For it is the truth that
health is the wealth of wealth."
— Richard Baker

=======================================

"How was your blind date?" a college student
asked her 21 year old roommate.

"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed
up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so
bad about that?"

"He is the original owner."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to police in Hull, East Yorkshire, England Hysterical Vegetables protected by dumb cops April 25, 2007 - East Yorkshire, UK - Ananova A huge operation aimed at sabotaging the Government's GM potato trial backfired - when the 250 protesters got the wrong field. They swooped on the 16-hectare site, outside Hull, armed with shovels and planted thousands of organic potatoes, reports the Guardian. Activists from Mutatoes.org apologised to farmer David Buckton after it emerged that they wrongly identified his land as the site of the GM trial. The field they planted was sown with beans. Mr Buckton, 54, said the mix-up was the strangest event to have befallen his family in four generations of farming. He said the protesters were accompanied by two police officers on horseback. "I told the police officers that it was a bean field but they said the protest seemed peaceful so we'd better let them get on with it. The beans are just peeping through. The protesters should have been able to see that," he said. ----------------------------------- Not much point in suing the turnip brained idiots, but I hope the farmer sues the cops for protecting the hysterical vegetables, who ruined his field! Plants have been modified since the stone age. It makes no difference, whether it is done by selecting natural mutations, or hybrids or gene modification. For example, by the mid 1400's the Aymara Indians in Peru had developed more than two hundred varieties of potatos, that grew at elevations greater than 10,000 feet! It is the lack of modifying that is dangerous! Look at the Irish potato famine, that decimated the population of Ireland so badly that it still has not recovered today. Because of strict standardizing and not allowing natural mutations to become new fashions, there was no variety, which could cope with three years of "Global Warming" and wet years, which favored a blight fungus more than the Standard Irish Potato. Over a Million people died of hunger because of that, and over two Million emigrated. I realize that some gene modification efforts, like the Roundup resistant grains from Monsanto, were a bit boneheaded and pure ammunition for the hysterical sheep, who badmouth anything, that is from a major American company, and were used by Europe and Russia, with a lot of help from The Enemy Times, to shift grain sales away from the US and to European farmers. However, there have been quite a few very benficial wheat modifications, that very few people know about. If you are interested, have a look at Science Daily http://snipurl.com/1iir9 That is just one example. When some idiots get hysterical against all plant modifications, and sabotage testing of new varieties, then in my opinion they were obviously let out of the caves prematurely, and should be returned promptly. Dear Webby ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yeth, they uthed to be," remorsed the patient. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Teacher: If you had $1.00 and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have. : "I would have $1.00!" Teacher: "You don't know your arithmetic." : "You don't know my father!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fast Eddie Re: Which computer is faster? Hi Mr Webby; I am in search of another computer and saw one over on "Tigerdirect" it is....... eMachines T3516 ----- $249.00 Refurbished Intel Desktop PC Blah, blah, blah.... a page full of hype and specs And I have one here at home (below!) I just wanted to know which one is faster? (in speed!) Reason why is because I want to give one of these to my daughter and I would like something faster! Gateway GM4019E AMD Athlon 64 3500+ DVDRW Media Center Blah, blah, blah.... two pages full of hype and specs Fast Eddie Dear Fast Eddie Whichever machine has fewer programs and utilities, will be the faster one. The hardware makes little difference, since the slowest part is the chair-to-keyboard interface. Tech support from Gateway doesn't have quite as bad a reputation as Compac/HP, so, if I had to choose between those two machines, I would pick the Gateway. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 20, 2007 - Knoxville, Tennessee - AP A Tennessee teenager says he's learned his lesson about drugs. The 14-year-old boy's father made him stand outside his Knoxville middle school wearing a sign reading, "I abused and sold drugs." The father told a Knoxville TV station that the nation's "extreme drug problem" calls for "extreme measures" by parents. He said he found about his son's involvement with marijuana and OxyContin by reading his MySpace page. The sign-carrying punishment ended when the school's dopy principal came out and asked the father to call it off. Seems he was afraid somebody would make him stand there with a placard too. The boy said it was embarrassing, but added that he's learned that "drugs are for losers."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Opening Jars Having trouble opening a jar? A latex dishwashing glove will help you grip the lid. If it is still stubborn, tap the lid lightly with the back of a butter knife. This will break the seal, but be careful not to break the glass jar. You can also use a pair of strap wrenches: Use one on the lid and the other one, upside down, on the neck of the jar, close to the lid. The rubber strap adjusts to any size jar or plumbing pipe. The very first time you use a strap wrench, it may be a bit puzzling for a moment, because the concept is much simpler than you expect. Put one on the neck of the jar and try turning it while holding the jar. It will slide in one direction and grab in the other. Flip the strap wrench so that it grabs the neck when you turn the handle in a clockwise direction. Then put the other strapwrench onto the lid upside down compared to the first strapwrench, so that it grabs when you turn it counter-clockwise. When you turn it counter-clockwise while holding the other strapwrench steady, the lid unscrews without much effort at all. Strapwrenches usually cost between 99 cents and $1.99 and they are a much appreciated gift for elder relatives, especially if they have arthritis. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Simone for this confession: My sex life is so bad ... that when I called one of those phone sex lines, a voice came on and said, "Not tonight. I have an earache." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?" As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son piped up, "I know! It's the one they have in front of the grocery store." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Mediterranean Coastline, prehistoric http://tinyurl.com/ekvxk
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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