Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, February 3
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you John !
Thank you Eddie!

Yesterday's eye exam sure messed up my vision, and all I got
out of it is yet another referal to an even farther distant specialist.
I am sure glad, that Barb was doing the driving. The way they
poured that stuff into my eyes, I never would have been able to
drive back against the setting sun.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Virgin Airlines announced that their new giant double-decker   
airplane has a private bar. It's a private bar? Is there a   
big problem with passengers from other planes stopping in for   
a drink?" 
--- Jay Leno   

"A number of U.S. colleges are going to start having dorms   
for alcoholics. I believe those are called dorms."   
--- Craig Ferguson

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
--- Henny Youngman
--------Yes, they do!
          April 1



Another excuse for a student's being late for school:

Arnie came into the office looking somewhat tired and
bedraggled, but anxious to explain his nearly one hour
tardiness.

"Our chickens have been disappearing." He said.
"And Pa made up his mind to put a stop to it. But
nothing happened for several nights. Then last night
about 3 o'clock, Pa got me and Ol' Blue, our dog, and
his shot gun, all cocked and loaded, to go out with
him to the chicken house to see what was going on."

He went on. "Well, Pa sleeps in his birthday suit, and
as he bent over to go into the chicken house, Ol' Blue
cold-nosed Pa where he didn't expect it.
Both barrels went off. 

Ever since then we've been up a-cleanin' and a-pluckin' 
more than 50 chickens. I missed the bus and had to walk 
3 miles to school."


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Thanks to Emma for this story:
Using a new painting program on my computer, I managed to   
come up with a very credible still life of fruit. I made   
a color printout and sent it to my daughter, a graphic   
designer. She called when it arrived. 
"Isn't it good?", I  asked.   

She chuckled, and in a tone that echoed mine from years   
ago, replied, "Mom, it's beautiful. We put it on the   
refrigerator."  





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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to

Joel Bruss, 34 in Apple Valley, Minnesota

DUI on Zamboni

Another motorist has been arrested for driving a Zamboni 
while under the influence. On Monday evening, cops in Apple 
Valley, Minnesota busted Joel Bruss for suspicion of DWI. 
Bruss, 34, was collared at the Hayes Arena, where he operated 
the ice resurfacing vehicle.

Bruss is pictured in a mug shot from an earlier arrest.

According to police, cops were summoned to the rink 
by witnesses who watched as the Zamboni careened across 
the ice and bounced off the sideboards. When officers arrived, 
they saw Bruss, a part-time employee, “struggling to maneuver 
the Zamboni off the ice.”

When cops approached Bruss, they noticed that he was 
“unsteady on his feet and smelled of an alcoholic beverage.” 
Arrested following the completion of field sobriety tests, 
Bruss was transported to the Apple Valley police station, 
where “blood alcohol testing was completed.”


Tech Support Pits:

The link to  Mail Washer is here!

From: Eddie
Re: Hot key to start a new doc

Hi Mr. Webby;
Great to hear from you once again... and thank you for the many 
times that I have needed you assistance with my many ventures 
with computer problems and software...

Ok, well now here it goes..... "How do you create a "New Document" 
in a folder using MS 2010 Word" without exiting out of the folder? 
............... or ............. how can I add a tool in the toolbar to create this 
new word document?

 May this year brings you all what you desire, with peace with harm to none!
Eddie

Dear Eddie
I am glad your ISP is not blocking me any more.

I don't have MS Word, but once you are in it, 
most likely CTRL N will open a New doc.
That has been the standard since long before MS Word 
and should work. 

The same hot-key also works fine in most other programs too,
for example spreadsheets and graphics.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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My teenaged niece Elizabeth was nervous as she took the   
wheel for her first driving lesson. As she was pulling   
out of the parking lot, the instructor said, "Turn left   
here, and don't forget to let the people behind you know   
what you're doing."   

Elizabeth turned to the students sitting in the backseat   
and announced, "I'm going left." 

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The two teenage girls were driving around town.  One of the
friends turned to the other and said, "So, what did your old 
man say when you told him you were pregnant?"

"You want me to leave out the profanities?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Nothing."




Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A grandfather was talking to his grandson about how
he felt.
He said, "I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in
my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one.
The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one."

The grandson asked him, "Which wolf will win the
fight in your heart?"
The grandfather answered,
"The one I feed."



   »   Fins and Scales

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