Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, June 18
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Today, June 18 in
1863 J.J. Richardson received a patent for the ratchet wrench.
 More of today in history at History
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Today's Bonehead Award: 
75 burglared pool floats for sex
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The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them,
but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
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Thanks to Darlene for this story:
Two Newfies look at a Sears' Catalogue and admire the models.
One says to the other: "Have you seen the beautiful girls in 
this catalogue?"
 
The second replies. "Yes, they are darn beautiful! And look 
at the price!"
 
The first says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they're not very expensive.

At this price, I'm buying one."
 
The second smiles and claps him on the back, "Good idea, 
order one and if she is as beautiful as in the catalogue, 
I'll get one too."
 
Three weeks later, the Newfie asks his chum "Did you ever 
receive the girl you ordered from the Sears' catalogue?"
 
The second replies, "No. But it shouldn't be long now.... 
I got her underwear yesterday!"

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Thanks for your votes!
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Reported by Wayne



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Christopher Monnin,
35,
Brevard,
Floriduh

75 burglared pool floats for sex


A creepy fetishist is behind bars in connection with a months-
long robbery spree that netted dozens of pool floats that the
suspect said he  sexually gratifies himself with,  according to
police reports.

Christopher Monnin, a 35-year-old ex-con, reportedly told cops
that he opted for the pool floats  instead of raping women. 

Monnin, who has served time for burglary, was arrested around
1:30 AM Thursday after being stopped as a  suspicious person  by
a Palm Bay Police Department officer. Monnin, who was riding his
bicycle at the time, was carrying a  white garbage bag full of
what he identified as deflated pool floats,  the cop reported.

Palm Bay, where Monnin lives, has been  plagued with burglaries
in which the suspect cuts the screen or otherwise enters a
victim's back pool area and steals only pool floats,  according
to the report. During the past seven months, police have received
about 13 reports about pool float burglaries.

During questioning, Monnin reportedly confessed to burglarizing
several residences and swiping  many floats.  Monnin added that
he stored the stolen goods inside a vacant house across the
street from his residence.

Monnin accompanied police to the home, where investigators found
 an estimated 75 pool floats,  including a lounge chair with cup
holders, a float shaped like a piece of bacon, a duck float, and
a watermelon float. Monnin also allegedly swiped a Shaquille
O'Neal-branded  Shaq  inflatable lounger.

Monnin, whose home does not have a pool, reportedly  stated that
he sexually gratifies himself with the floats and does this
instead of raping women. 

Pictured above, Monnin is being held in the Brevard County jail
on five felony burglary charges and five misdemeanor theft
counts. His bond has been set at $78,500. Monnin's rap sheet
includes multiple prior convictions for burglary, theft, and
violating probation.


DearWebby's Tech Support Pits

From: Vic
Re: SBCGLOBAL problems

FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS YOUR LETTER ARRIVES AS ALWAYS BUT IS 
TOTALLY BLANK EXCEPT FOR THE HEADINGS.  THIS HAS NOT HAPPENED 
BEFORE-----------------ANY IDEAS?

Dear  Vic
It's too bad you don't read the Tech Support Pits.

I have long lost track of how many times I have mentioned that 
SBCGLOBAL treats their victims as if they were a bunch of 
silly yahoos, who don't deserve proper mail.

To fool them, you have to hit REPLY, or FORWARD, 
as if you were going to show somebody how bad SBCGLOBAL is.
THEN all of a sudden you can see the parts that they had been 
hiding from you.

Another way around the tricks of the incompetent bozos at 
the moron farm is to use 
FireFox
GoogleChrome
Opera
Maxton
Safari
as your browser. 
The bozos mess up only Yahoo Mail for Internet Explorer. 
They have not figured out yet how to mess up the other browsers.

So, to read HTML newsletters, either hit REPLY,
or use a different browser.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A teacher gave her class of second graders a lesson on 
the magnet and what it does.

The next day in a written test, she included this question: 
"My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I am strong 
and attractive. I pick up things. What am I?"

When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was 
astonished to find that almost 50 percent of the students 
answered the question with the word "Mother."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




All my husband wanted was to pay for some 
batteries, but none of the clerks in the electronics 
store seemed interested in helping him. 

"I've got an idea," I said, and pulled a tape measure 
out of my purse. I stepped over to one of the giant 
flat-screen TVs and started to measure it.

Faster than you can say high definition, a young man 
came running over. "May I help you?" he asked 
breathlessly.

"Yes," I said. "I'd like to buy these batteries." 

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essentially free.
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Magic moments.

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I was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in maine 
when a vacationing southerner stumped me with a drink order. 
I approached the bartender. "Have you ever heard of a drink 
called 'seven young blondes'?" I asked. He admitted he'd 
never heard of it, and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it 
up. 

Unable to find the recipe, he then asked me to go back 
and tell the patron that he'd be happy to make the drink if 
he could list the ingredients for him. "Sir," I asked the 
customer, "can you tell me what's in that drink?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "It's wine," he said, 
pronouncing his words carefully, "sauvignon blanc." 

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Thanks to Dianne for this story:
(Yeah, we got elections in Canada too, just shorter campaign
periods)

A farmer finally decided to buy a TV. The store assured him that
they would install the antenna and TV the next day.

The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only
political ads on every channel. The next morning he turned the TV
on and found only political ads again.

When he came in to eat lunch he tried the TV again but still only
found political ads.

The next day when he still found only political ads he called the
store to complain. The owner said that it was impossible for
every channel to only have political ads, but agreed to send
their repairman to check the TV.

When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer
was right.

After looking at the TV for a while he went outside to check the
antenna.

In a few minutes he returned and told the farmer he had found the
problem.

The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and
grounded to the manure spreader.

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Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the
double opt-in confirmation request.


A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman
waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken a back because
he can't place where he knows her from. 
So he says, 'Do you know me?' 

To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my
kids.' 

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper
from my bachelor party, who laid me on the pool table, with all
my buddies watching, while your sister whipped my face with
celery tops duck-taped to her boobs??? 

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's
teacher.'

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Today, June 18 in
1155 Frederick I Barbarossa was crowned emperor of Rome. 

1429 French forces defeated the English at the battle of Patay.
The English had been retreating after the siege of Orleans. 

1621 The first duel in America took place in the Plymouth Colony
in Massachusetts. 

1667 The Dutch fleet sailed up the Thames toward London. 

1778 Britain evacuated Philadelphia during the U.S. Revolutionary
War. 

1812 The War of 1812 began as the U.S. declared war against Great
Britain. The conflict began over trade restrictions. 

1815 At the Battle of Waterloo Napoleon was defeated by an
international army under the Duke of Wellington. Napoleon
abdicated on June 22. 

1817 London's Waterloo Bridge opened. The bridge, designed by
John Rennie, was built over the River Thames. 

1863 J.J. Richardson received a patent for the ratchet wrench. 

1873 Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote for a
U.S. President. She never paid her fine.

1898 Atlantic City, NJ, opened its Steel Pier. 

1915 During World War I, the second battle of Artois ended. 

1918 Allied forces on the Western Front began their largest
attack against the German army. (World War I) 

1927 The U.S. Post Office offered a special 10-cent postage stamp
for sale. The stamp was of Charles Lindbergh's "Spirit of St.
Louis." 

1928 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the
Atlantic Ocean as she completed a flight from Newfoundland to
Wales. 

1942 The U.S. Navy commissioned its first black officer, Harvard
University medical student Bernard Whitfield Robinson. 

1948 The United Nations Commission on Human Rights adopted its
International Declaration of Human Rights. 

1951 General Vo Nguyen Giap ended his Red River Campaign against
the French in Indochina. 

1953 Egypt was proclaimed to be a republic with General Neguib as
its first president. 

1959 A Federal Court annulled the Arkansas law allowing school
closings to prevent integration. 

1959 The first telecast received from England was broadcast in
the U.S. over NBC-TV. 

1966 Samuel Nabrit became the first African American to serve on
the Atomic Energy Commission. 

1982 The U.S. Senate approved the renewal of the 1965 Voting
Rights Act for an additional twenty-five years.

1983 Dr. Sally Ride became the first American woman in space
aboard the space shuttle Challenger. 

1998 The Walt Disney Co. purchased a 43% stake in the Web search
engine company Infoseek Corp. 

1999 Walt Disney's "Tarzan" opened. 

2000 In Algiers, Algeria, the foreign ministers of Ethiopia and
Eritrea signed a preliminary cease-fire accord and agreed to work
toward a permanent settlement of their two-year border war. 

2009 NASA launched the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter/LCROSS probes
to the Moon. It was the first American lunar mission since Lunar
Prospector in 1998. 

2009 Greenland assumed control over its law enforcement, judicial
affairs, and natural resources from the Kingdom of Denmark.
Greenlandic became the official language. 

2019  smiled.